Long Quiet Day

My boys started school today.  I walked them into the building, met their teachers, and left them in the hands of someone else for their instruction for the first time in their lives.  I've gotten a lot of housecleaning done today.  Had a lot of time to think.  (Only got one phone call from the school, but I figure Tucker's taking it easy on them for at least the beginning.) 

This Little Piggy ...

Well, here's the situation.  With the kids starting into "regular" school tomorrow and me not able to put a shoe on my foot with the broken toe - my husband is taking the day off work.  HE is going to take the kids shopping for the few school things that I don't already have on hand. 

I am going to be home with my foot propped up.  Alone.  Just me and my foot - and my computer.  And stacks of books I haven't read and reams of writing I want to do ... Oh, my!  Cool.

You know blessings come in all shapes and colors.  I'm beginning to see that a fat purple toe can be a huge blessing. 

It's Broken

The meeting at the school went well.  They are using the same math and writing programs that I have been using at home.  The reading program is a four pronged approach that I think my guys will respond well to.  The school campus is nice.  The people I met were nice.  I'm hopeful that things are going to work out well.  I did have a bit of difficulty with the tour - my little toe just kept swelling and turning more purple with each step.  (I kicked a chair walking through the house in the dark this morning to let the dog outside.)  Wanna see?

I have an appointment in about an hour with the Principal and then Homeschool Liason for our school district.  I didn't make the decision to enroll my kids in school on the spur of the moment.  I've known for a while that I was feeling overwhelmed.  The kids have been doing well, but I have not.  I had considered it back in August that perhaps this was the year to let them try public school.  But, I have been totally committed to Homeschool not only as a means of education but as a way of life.  And they have thrived here.

Now, I'm three months further down the road and I'm seeing that I'm just not holding it together very well.  I realized that I could either make the decision to send my kids to school now, when things haven't gotten bad for them, or I can continue to try to juggle and see problems develop that a bit of wisdom now might head off. 

I'll be back later to tell you how it went.

Tough Call

I decided when my kids were very young that I was going to be better than a good mother to them, I was going to be the best.  I would do whatever it took to give them the instruction, the nurture, the skills that I could share to help them be the very best people they could possibly be.  They each came to me (as all children do) with their unique set of strengths and weaknesses.  And I decided that I would keep them at home instead of sending them to school

They have thrived here.  They learn every day with the person who loves them more than anyone else ever could.  We laugh together, we cry together, and we know each other.  Lately, they have known that I'm not doing very well.  I've been tired, I've been stressed, and I've been having to work harder than ever jsut to hold it together.  They knew. 

It's been a rough couple of years for me. 

I made the call today to the East Washington School system to ask about having Michael evaluated for speech therapy.  He's been in therapy before and benefitted greatly from it.  I think he could use a bit more help.  While I was on the line with the liason, (who happens to be someone who knows me from a committee we served on together a couple years ago) she asked me abotu how things are going in general.

At the end of our very long discussion, I made the decision that I'm going to enroll my kids in school.  I will ask that if you have an opinion about this, that you refrain from dicussing it right now.  I'm sure I'll be available to talk about it later.  But for now, I just want you all to know that there is a reason that Q-Momi hasn't been around blogging or visiting your sites lately.  My life isn't falling apart, but it's changing radically and in directions that I never wanted it to go. 

Thank you for your support.  Thank you to those of you who have emailed me to see if I'm okay.  You guys are really the best. 

Terri

Soooooo How was YOUR Weekend ~

Mine has been full.  Full of work, full of play with the kids.  Full of stuff.  Tonight, I put on the headphones and played the Doobie Brothers - I feel better. 

Two Down

I painted the boy's room, cleaned it out, reorganized it.  Packed up bags of things they've outgrown in one way or another.  So now I have my office and my sons' rooms organized.  I'm tired.  Today, I think I'll concentrate on cleaning the bathroom, at least that doesn't require me to move furniture.

I had one of those epiphany moments a few weeks ago.  I'm still adjusting to the ramifications of it and it's directly behind the work I've been doing around the house this week.  My friend and I were both seated at the computer desk looking at documents on the monitor.  I bumped over a photo frame.  Then within moments I dropped papers, lost my pen, and knocked over the picture frame a second time.  I'm apologizing and getting more tense by the second.  My friend calmly said, "all this stuff is making you nervous, you need a clean space," then moved the items and gave me a clean place to lay my notepad where I was jotting ideas. 

Does that sound profound to you?  It struck me with all the force of a lightning bolt.  After that moment, we even talked about it again and I was amazed to hear myself described in terms that I would ordinarily associate more with Tucker than myself.  I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that I would have a lot in common with my child, or rather that he is very much like me. 

Clutter has a way of creeping in around every edge.  It seems that the kids, the cats, and the dog are all more skilled at creating clutter than I am at removing it.  But I am determined to reduce, to streamline, to organize and to make the space I live in a space that will not make me feel nervous, overwhelmed, agitated, or stressed.  This is a lot of work.  I'm feeling really good about where it's going. 

As a mom, as an educator, as a human being, I'm aware that our environment is a crucial factor in how we are able to cope with life.  I've always been pretty careful to try and keep things organized for the comfort of my family.  Why is it so hard for me to do it for myself?

People Are People ...

I had a great weekend.  Got a lot of stuff done around the house, got a lot of stuff done with the kids.  I'm in a Fall Cleaning mood.  Took a look around and decided that I have too much "stuff".  So of course, in order to deal with this excess of stuff, I needed MORE stuff.  In this case bookshelves.  I visited four different furniture stores only to learn that apparently, they aren't stocking bookshelves amymore.  Oh, I could ORDER them if I wanted to wait 4-6 weeks. 

Well, at the last furniture store I visited, the salesman suggested that I should try Target, Walmart, Meijer, those kind of stores and sure enough, they had bookshelves - but they looked like they came from Target, Walmart etc.  I was just about to give up in frustration and order the shelves that wouldn't be here til Thanksgiving when it was suggested to me that I should try these office stores ... Office Depot or Staples.  By now I have worked all the way across the river into Louisville and I'm willing to go anywhere, follow any lead.  Ladies and Gentleman - if you need bookshelves - these are the places to go!  I found solid wood construction and attractive styles in both stores.  Because my desk is mission style, I went with mission style shelving from Staples - $49.99 for the five shelf, 5.5 foot model.  I got two. 

Next door to Staples in Louisville, there's a CD Warehouse.  I hadn't stuck my head in there before, but I was in such a good mood from getting my shelves that I decided to give myself a treat - something different to listen to on the way home.  Okay, now is the time for a confession.  For two weeks, since I was in Virginia having dinner with my friend and listening to the techno music that I used to love back when I was younger and more prone to partying ... I've had a certain song stuck in my head.  Admit it, if you've ever listened to techno, you know that it's not hard for those tunes to get trapped in there.  So I entered the CD Warehouse with a gleam in my eye for Dead or Alive.   

Sadly, they didn't have the CD I was looking for.  But I came out of there with Depeche Mode and Frankie Goes to Hollywood.  Aaaaaaah the music of my youth.  My kids eyebrows are twitching oddly now ... wonder what's up with that?

People are people so why should it be,
You and I should get along so awfully ....

Now that I have my office area rearranged - I think tomorrow, I'll paint something. 

Policies and Procedures

I have a personal policy against fishing anything out of the toilet that can reasonably be flushed.  And you'd be surprised how much material that policy covers.  I have considered that I'd probably break that rule for my cell phone ... but only if it were ringing a the time. 

This morning there was a ladybug swimming in my toilet.  I flushed.  Amazingly enough, she was still swimming after the water finished swirling.  I hestitate, but I flushed again.  She survived this second attempt to wash her from sight.  After a longer pause and ethical debate, I flushed a third time.

I fished her out.

She's probably not a lady bug at all.  She's probably one of those rose bush eating fiends that killed my pink rose earlier this summer.  She's probably killing my peace rose as I type.  I hope it doesn't give her indigestion. 

How to Think

I really don't remember when I first heard the word "philosophy" but I remember by first lesson in the subject.  My father asked me why I had done something.  I don't remember now what it was I'd done or what my answer was, but his response burned onto my mind.  "That's not a reason, that's an excuse."  Up until that moment it hadn't occurred to me that there might be a difference between the two.  And to my Dad's credit, he didn't just give me the line, he sat down with me and talked about how to think.

Knowledge comes, but Wisdom lingers.  Alfred Lord Tennyson

The word philosophy is a compound of two Greek words, philo = love and sophia = wisdom.  It's a matter of some consternation to me that our educational system is geared not toward wisdom but toward knowledge.  Certainly, understanding the facts of life is a useful thing, but without a corresponding pursuit of wisdom in order to make the best decisions about how to use the facts we are led down the inevitable path that we are walking today.  No matter what perspective you are coming from, it's pretty easy to argue that things are far from ideal in our world.  We have political, social, environmental, moral, and asthetic messes everywhere we turn.  If you have ever spent any time pondering the best way to solve any of these problems, you have engaged in philosophy.  We have hard decisions to make every day of our life, should I work here or there, should I save this money or spend it, should I deepen this friendship or back away, should I put a five dollar bill in the beggar man's hand.  To contemplate these questions is to be engaged in philosophy.   

The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing.  Oscar Wilde  *** and By The Way - Today is Oscar Wilde's Birthday ...

How do you know what is worth knowing?  See its not the knowing, getting the answer that is in question.  Anyone can have an answer, many may even have the right answer.  But the thing I want to know is how do you know it's the right answer?  How did you get there from here?  The first part of philosophical pursuit is to learn basic patterns of thought and analysis.  To understand that there are rules of logic and rhetoric that guide us inevitably from premise to conclusion.  I'd be willing to venture that 90% of all the media discussion and debate I hear involving any given topic is riddled with fundamental errors of logic on both sides.  Logic by itself is no guarantee that people will reach the goal of wisdom, but without it, there is no hope.  I have from time to time here engaged in debate with the DreadPirate.  (And I live in hope that one day he will see the light on a number of topics.  )  One of the things that I appreciate about our discussions is his steadfast commitment to applying the rules of logic to his argument.  He has posted on his site, the truth tables used to evaluate statements to determine whether they are true or false. 

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.  Oscar Wilde

Logic will get you through the first layer.  It can help me convince my father that I have reasoned through rather than excusing my behavior.  Logic alone cannot lead us any further than the determination of whether our premises are sound.  I can use logic to show that there is no contradiction, no rhetorical fallacy, and no ambiguity in my thought.  Logic will not tell me whether that thought is wise.  Logic doesn't tell me how to apply my knowledge.  

Wisdom has built her house, she has hewn out her seven pillars; she has prepared her food, she has mixed her wine.  She has also set her table; she has sent out her maidens, she calls from the tops of the heights of the city.  "Whoever is naive, let him turn here!"  To him who lacks understanding she says, "Come!  Eat of my food.  Drink of the wine I have mixed.  Forsake your folly and LIVE!  And proceed in the way of understanding."  The Bible (Proverbs 9:1-6)

My Dad in May - Wisely Choosing to eat his peach cobbler out of the sight of the grandkids.  He's 74 years old and still sends me logic puzzles that keep me up at night.