Speaking Love as a Family

I think this will be that last of the posts (4 altogether) on Dr. Chapman's Love Languages book.  I'm glad that so many people have enjoyed it enough to comment and ask questions.

When children are little, it's almost impossible to determine their love language, so the best strategy is to love them in a variety of ways.  By the time they are around 7 years old they begin to demonstrate a preference.  It's crucial for parents to identify and deliberately love children in their language, because as kids enter their teen years the single greatest "weapon" parents have to guard their child against unwelcome influences is the ability to fill that child's emotional tank.  Many well-meaning and loving parents are hurt and bewildered as their relationship with a child grows cooler while the child turns to peers for support and influence.  Dr. Chapman's extraordinary claim is that in families where the parents speak love in the child's primary language, this is much less likely to be the norm.

Because I've already recapped the five love languages, in this summary I'd like to give the other side - the negatives of the love languages, as a means of balancing the picture (all these apply in your relationship with your lover as well - but seem to be especially important with children.)

Words of Encouragement - When children are little it seems that we offer many words of encourgement, "You have such a pretty smile, way to go! Look, honey, our baby learned to do ____ today!"  But, as the child ages all to often our encouragement turns to condemnation.  We enter the child's room and see 12 toys on the floor so we ask Johnny to put away his toys.  Ten minutes later seven are in the box when we come back.  Do we say, "Hey, great you got seven toys in the box already!" or do we say "I told you to pick up your toys!  You either finish the task or ....."
    To a person with words of encouragement as a primary or secondary love language, negative, critical, or demeaning words strike terror in the psyche.  It's never perceived as "constructive criticism" by this person, because words go to the heart of this person's ability to feel loved, accepted and valued.  A parent (like me) who wants to tell the kid straight out, this is not acceptable behavior, has to be especially careful to make sure that we distinguish between rejecting bad behavior and rejecting the child.
      I realized that my son, Michael, was feeling rejected by the way I was correcting him, so I changed to a formula (hey, don't knock it, it helped me remember the point of what I was trying to do) - "Michael, you are so helpful to me, I know that you didn't realize that putting your puzzle in the dining room would block my path."  That puzzle gets moved in record time, whereas, "Michael, you put your puzzle in my path.  I want you to move it" got the puzzle moved, but Michael was hearing "Hey you dumb kid, didn't you realize that you were setting up your puzzle in a bad spot."

Quality Time - This means giving a child your undivided attention.  Get down on the floor and play a game, dig in the sandbox, build a skyscraper, or toss that ball.  Many adults looking back on childhood don't remember what their parents said, but they do remember what their parents did "My dad never missed a ballgame." 

Gift Giving - Many parents and grandparents speak the language of gift giving excessively.  They buy things they wish they had received when they were children.  But, unless this is the child's primary language, the gift doesn't contribute much toward filling that child's love tank.  if giftrs are quicly laid aside, not cared for, not prized, chances are "gift giving" isn't that child's love language.  On the other hand, if your child shows a lot of gratitude, shows off the gift to others, and takes care of it, that's a child who speaks the language of gift giving.  With the person who sees gifts as love, it isn't the cost of the gift that matters.  It's truly "the thought that counts."  To the person with gift giving as a love language, a gift says "I was thinking about you, I was interested in bringing you something that would please you, I paid attention to your likes and dislikes."

Physical Touch and Closeness - Does your teenager come up behind you and grab you, trip you when you walk through the room, mess up your hair, push your arm as you walk together?  When children are small we hug, kiss, pat, hold hands etc.  As children who feel love through touch become teens - especially boys - they may shy away from hugging and kissing and particularly around their friends.  But, they still need touch from their parents.

Acts of Service - Parents do so many acts of service for their children that it is difficult to determine when this has special meaning for a particular child.  From the time they are born we bathe, feed, clothe, chauffeur, pack luches and help with homework.  Such things are taken for granted by many children but for others they are expressions of love.  The best way to know that acts of service speaks love to a child is if you see that child performing acts of service for others as an expression of caring.  If your child is constantly offering to help you, or asking for your "help" this is another strong clue that working together on the science project isn't so much about the grade, as it is about that child feeling loved.

Once children are old enough to understand, talk to them about love languages and make it a family game to teach members to speak love to each other in the language that the recipient responds to best.

One More Book - I'm not going to give the fine details of Dr. Chapman's book The Five Signs of a Loving Family, but I highly recommend it as one of the more useful books I've encountered in all my reading and studying of various parenting ideas.  In this book he discusses An Attitude of Service, Intimacy Between Husband and Wife, Parents Who Teach and Train, and Children Who Obey and Honor Parents as the first four signs of a loving family.  His last category is one that I think is poorly labeled.  He calls it Husbands Who are Loving Leaders - but when I read these chapters, I realized that he doesn't describe a traditional male "head of the household" role for fathers.  I think this category would have been better labeled "Parental Partnership."  He talks about ways that both husbands and wives step up to the plate to take responsibility for their families, and ways they each support the other in the crucial role of partnership.  He uses traditional language and terminology, but he uses the terms to mean slightly different concepts than what I'm used to seeing them refer to.  This made the final section of the book a little more work as I had to ask often, "what did he mean by that." 
     The book is punctuated by wonderful poems written by Dr. Chapman's adult son, looking back on his experiences growing up in the Chapman family.  The style is easy and the advice is practical.  It's available online from your favorite bookseller, or can be found through most libraries.

Q and A

I got a really good email asking me some questions about the Love Languages blog I posted earlier today.  So I'm posting that email here with my answers in hopes that if anyone else had questions, this will be helpful.  In summarizing Dr. Chapman's work, I've left out a LOT of detail in regard to the languages.  I think its sheer fun to practice Love Langauges and I'm excited that you guys seem to be enjoying this as much as I do. 

>>> In your Xanga blog, you describe how a person should overcome their own dislike for an activity and do it anyway just because that activity fits in with the spouse's love language.

>>>Therefore, if Lucy really likes receiving gifts, and Ricky doesn't 'get it' (say, his love language is words of encourage, not buying bonbons) but goes out of his way to buy her a gift, he has overcome his dislike for gifting... Which doesn't come naturally to him... In order to satisfy her love language.

>>> But I don't get the example you use in the blog.

Just because a person gets his love tank filled through acts of service doesn't mean that all acts of service come naturally to that person.  The thing about acts of service as a love language is that the action has to be meaningful to the recipient in order to qualify as speaking the love language.  Say Tim naturally enjoys changing light bulbs.  He comes home every night and goes through the house checking all the bulbs to see if one needs changed.  Unless that somehow has meaning for me, then it isn't an 'act of service'.  He's meeting his own need to change the light bulb, not mine.

The reason that painting the wall was an act of love was because he knew that it was something that I specifically wanted to get done, and he did it FOR ME.

>>> Isn't the point you were trying to convey that we should transcend the love language categories we prefer in order to satisfy the needs of the other person?

That's not the exactly point I intended to make - what I was trying to say was that whether it comes "naturally" or not, we have to "speak" the langauge that's meaningful to our partner.  And because we humans recognize when someone is extending a great effort, we tend to feel more loved if we realize that the other person when "above and beyond" to express love. 

>>> So wouldn't a better example be if Tim took an afternoon off for the sole purpose of giving you a massage or something like that?

Only if he knew that I really wanted a massage.  Just because physical touch and closeness is my primary language doesn't meant that's the only language that makes me feel loved.  I like massage and I'd be thrilled if he did that.  But, I'd be just as thrilled if he cuddled next to me on the couch while we watched tv. 

The Book: The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman is available through Barnes and Noble Online (which I like because if you order two or more books you get FREE shipping).

Except for the times that it has rained this week, I've made it a point to be OUTSIDE with my kids having summer fun.  I built them a sandbox, did I tell you this already?  I ordered 3 tons of sand and the fellow delivered 5 tons.  I have the bestest sandbox ever.

Love Languages Advanced

I promised a week ago to wrap up the summary of Dr Chapman's book on Love Languages.  Then when Xanga ate my post I was so demoralized that I just couldn't bring myself back to redo it.  But, I'm done pouting now.

What if I Don't Feel Like Doing That?

How can we speak another person's love language when we are full of anger, hurt, or resentment over past issues?  We are all creatures of choice.  We have the ability to make poor choices, which all of us have done.  We've spoken critical words and done hurtful deeds.  Poor choices in the past doesn't mean that we must make them in the future.

Whenever a person says, but it just doesn't come naturally to me to do ______ ?  There is an underlying message that they don't intend.  They are saying, I know that _____ would make my partner feel loved but I'm CHOOSING not to do that.  The point of Love Languages is that you speak in your lover's language in order to communicate the depth of your feeling.  Telling your lover "vacuuming doesn't come naturally to me, so even though I know that acts of service is your love language, and that's an action that you would really appreciate, I just don't feel deeply enough for you to overcome my personal dislike of this task."  I know that in the past when Tim has performed an act of service that is in a arena that isn't his favorite kind of activity, it speaks more love to me than a dozen actions which would come more "naturally" to him and which he might have performed regardless of whether I was in his life.

When we talked about painting the inside of our house, Tim made it clear that he prefered white walls.  I like color.  We reached a compromise and are both reasonably happy with the result.  But he turned painting a wall into an act of love.  I didn't finish painting the family room.  So while I was taking the kids to visit my Mom and Dad, Tim painted it.  I had chosen a light purple for one wall and was planning to paint the other three walls white.  Tim got the cans mixed up.  When he opened that can of deep purple that I had purchased to paint some trimwork, I can just imagine the look on his face.  It had to be the very last thing he would ever choose to put that deep purple color on a wall.  But he did it because he thought that it would please me.  And boy did it ever.  Even though it wasn't the color that I'd originally intended, every time I look at that wall I'm reminded that Tim overcame his personal preferences for MY happiness.

Learning the Language

Have you ever been in a foreign place where the language or accent of those around you was unfamiliar?  The sounds of conversation recede into background noise.  Then you hear a voice speaking in your language or accent.  Your head whips around and you zero in on the speaker.

In our relationships, we often try to communicate love but experience frustration when our partner doesn't respond as we hope.  Or, we wonder why the same person who seemed so loving in the beginning doesn't make us feel loved anymore.  It's more than probable that we are in relationships with people who speak a different love language.

Tim and I speak entirely different love languages.  His primary langauge is gift giving.  For the first several years of our marriage he was often frustrated with me.  He'd bring me a little treat or a special card and I responded with suspicion.  I thought he was trying to bribe me to do something.  Worse, I complained about the money he "wasted" on things I "didn't need."

My primary love language is physical touch and closeness.  I touch, hug, kiss, squeeze, tickle, touch, and touch and touch.  Tim tends to be a little bit claustrophobic.  So I wound up chasing him around for hugs and cuddles and he felt squeezed and trapped.  He didn't speak my language, and I didn't understand his.

In the Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman identifies:

• Gift Giving
  
• Physical Touch and Closeness
  
• Acts of Service
  
• Quality Time
  
• Words of Encouragement

Two kinds of people have the most difficulty in determining their primary love lanuage.  A person with a full love tank and a partner who shows love in a variety of ways may not know which of these ways make him feel most loved.  Or the person whose love tank has been empty for so long that he is starving for any expression of affection can't say what would mean the most because he needs it all.  But there are ways around these obstacles.

If you aren't certain what your primary love language might be, think about the things that your lover doesn't do that hurt your feelings.  Or what do you most often request of your spouse?  The thing you most often ask for is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.  In what way do you express love to your spouse?  Your method of expressing love is also probably what you need to receive in order to feel loved..

Dr. Chapman suggests that you play the Love Tank game.  A couple times a week for three or four weeks, when you come home, one of you says to the other, "On a scale of 0 (empty) to 10 (couldn't hold another drop) how full is your love tank tonight?"  After the emotional reading is taken, ask "What could I do to fill your tank tonight?"  Then repeat the process in the reverse order so that you both have the opportunity to get your love tanks filled.  Make a list of your requests and over time you will see a strong indication of your primary love language.

For a jumpstart to identification of your love language, try this quiz.  Read the following five groups of statements and rank them in order of most appreciated (5) down to least appreicated (1).

Group 1

A __ Your lover says "You did a greta job on that.  I'm impressed."
B __ Your lover unexpectedly does something in or aroudn the house that you appreciate.
C __ Your love brings you a surprise treat from the store.
D __ Your lover invites you to go on a leisurely walk just to chat.
E __ Your lover makes a point to embrace and kiss you before leaving the house.

Group 2

A __ Your lover tell you how much he or she appreciates you.
B __ Your lover volunterres to do the dishes while you relax.
C __ Your lover brings you flowers, or serves your favorite dinner just because.
D __ Your lover invites you to sit down and talk about your day.
E __ Your lover hugs you even when just passing by room to room.

Group 3

A __ Your lover during a party shares about a recent success you had.
B __ Your lover cleans out/washes your car.
C __ Your lover surprises you with an unexpected gift.
D __ Your lover surprises you with a special afternoon trip.
E __ Your lover holds your hand as you walk through the mall, or stands by your side with an arm around your shoulder at a public event.

Group 4

A __ Your lover praises you about one of your special qualities.
B __ You lover bring you breakfast in bed.
C __ Your lover surprises you with a membership to something you've been wanting.
D __ Your lover plans a special night for the two of you.
E __ Your lover asks to accompany you or drive you while you do errands just so you can be together.

Group 5

A __ Your lover tells you how much his or her friends appreciate you.
B __ Your lover takes the time to fill our the long complicated applications that you had hoped to get to this evening.
C __ Your lover sends you something special through the mail.
D __ Your lover kidnaps you for lunch and takes you to your favorite restaurant.
E __ Your lover gives you a massage.

Total your scores

A _____  (Words of Encouragement/Affirmation)
B _____  (Acts of Service)
C _____  (Gift-giving)
D _____  (Quality time)
E _____  (Physical Touch and Closeness)

Tomorrow I'll wrap up this book report with information on what to do if your lover's primary love language isn't something that comes "naturally" to you.  And an introduction to another of Dr. Chapman's works, The Five Signs of a Loving Family.

I Just Called To Say . . .

Have you ever had this experience?  You set the stage perfectly, the candles are lit, the wine is chilled, the massage oils are warmed.  Your spouse arrives home from work, you greet him with a kiss and a twinkly eye.  Surprise, the kids are at Grandma's for the weekend.

Oh, it seems like everything is perfect.  He says "Whoo, hooo, let me change my clothes."  While he's changing his clothes he gets the idea that he should throw his stuff in the washer instead of leaving it on the floor.  When he goes to the laundry room he notices a bulb needs to be changed, so he takes care of that.  When he gets into the closet to get the bulb, he realizes there's a loose shelf.  A couple hours later the candles are just puddles of wax, the wine is warm and the oil is cool as the reception he gets when he finally shows up.

He can't figure why you're so upset, after all, he was doing all that stuff FOR YOU.  You are sitting there thinking why, oh, why, did I marry this moron?

Dr. Gary Chapman answers this question as well as the question of how to communicate in a way that your spouse will understand in his book The Five Love Langauges.  Most of us have been enculturated to think of love as a feeling.  I'd encourage you for just a moment to think of love not as a feeling but as a choice, a commitment.  When we choose to love in the language of our spouse, we don't necessarily perform that action out of the warm fuzzies in our heart.  Regardless of whether you feel anything when you choose to speak your spouse's language, the point is that the spouse will get it.  Speaking your spouse's langauge can help heal past wounds and provide a sense of security, self-worth, and significance.

In the exaggerated example above the wife in the scenario has a primary love language of "physical touch and closeness" - to her every touch says "I Love you", and lack of touch is painful.  The husband in that scenario has a primary love language of "acts of service."  To that man, love means action.  The action of serving his loved one, or being served by her.  If she irons his shirt before a big meeting, it isn't just a routine household chore to him, he feels that as an act of love.

The more frequently we communicate love in the language that our spouse hears, the more loved our spouse will feel.  It's that easy.  Instead of a mere review of Dr. Chapman's book, I will summarize the five love languages along with methods for identifying your language AND the language of your spouse.  I hope you will play along with me, speaking love to your spouse, children, friends and family is great fun.  Imagine the looks on their faces when you begin to speak to them in their language!

Easy Come . . .

It sneaked up on me.  One minute I was knee deep in my life and the next minute I realized that an important anniversary had passed.  One minute I was frolicking happily in the pool of youth and irresponsibility, the next I realized that I had crossed the threshold of innocence.  No longer could I claim callow inepxerience as my excuse.  No longer could I think, well when I reach _____ milestone, I'll have a different perspective.  It came upon me suddenly.  Yes - last Saturday, while I was driving the 14 hours from Florida, while bacteria multiplied in my laundry room, while the dog ate half my lunch, and while the kids bickered in the back seat - my one year Xangaversary came and went with no fan fare.  I think I feel cheated somehow.

My birthday however has turned out to be a wonderful day in my life that just keeps on going.  It started a week ago when my MIL gave me bird feeders for my garden while we were at her house.  My hubby and kids gave me clothes and lotions.  My friend Mary sent me a purple basket full of purple indulgences.  And yesterday my friend Barb took me out to lunch.  While I was washing down birthday cake with diet coke (the dc cancels out all the calories) Barb's son was mowing my yard.  The whole yard.  All 6 acres of yard.  Can you tell I'm excited?  And just in case the occasion weren't momentous enough, God commemorated my day with an earthquake here in Indiana.  No measly firewords for my birthday.  All I can say is that if 39 is this much fun, I can't wait to see what they do for my 40th. 

Sexual Personae

Okay, I read the book.  Camille Paglia's Sexual Personae.   At the end of it all I think I'm more confused than enlightened.  First of all, what is a sexual personae anyway?  Do I have one?  If I don't have one, where could I get one?  Once I have one, what will I do with it?  Will be as useful as a saving's card?  I mean, if a sexual personae could get me a deeper discount at Barnes and Noble - I'll take two please.

Ms. Paglia must be one of those lecturers who have students on a waiting list.  She seems to take a great deal of pleasure in saying shocking things.  But after she's said them, I'm still wondering what she meant by it all.  Some of her ideas sound new and revolutionary, until you stop and think and realize that although she rejects traditional language, she's talking about traditional values.

She says that people need rules.  That we have an innate predisposition to live within boundaries, and that if there are no boundaries, we will create them.  Hmmmmm . . . sounds a lot like the New Testament writings of Paul.  She says that we become slaves to our sexual nature, his perspective is a little broader - he says that we become slaves to our "sins."

Ms. Paglia, never met a cigar that was just a cigar.  She sees every face as a mask (a personae) and she interprets every mask to be a sexual exaggeration.  I was irritated by her references to "pretty" men as effeminate and "strong" women as androgynous.  Can we not simply be attractive, strong, gracious, or brave? 

In her chapter on the Marquis de Sade (who she considers to be one of the greatest and most neglected philosophers of all time) she details horrific scenes from his writing one after another.  Then she says, "Remember these are not actions they are ideas."  I kept thinking about the old adage regarding gifts, it's the thought that counts.  Haven't we all had the occasion to smile and thank the giver when we really wanted to shout "What were you thinking!?!"  In the case of the writings of Sade, she insists that his work is merely a philosophical answer to Rousseau's idea of the noble savage.  Okay.  But, surely one or two ironic essays would have made the point.  Did he really have to write so many books detailing every act of torture and sexual violence that he could imagine in order to provide an adequate response?  I'm glad that Ms. Paglia finds something redeeming in his work, but I'm unconvinced that he deserves the level of scrutiny that she suggests.

The book certainly offered a provocative viewpoint.  I'm still thinking about gender and art, beauty and violence.  Even though I didn't agree with many of Ms. Paglia's views, in the end, she challenged me to examine sex and values from a different viewpoint than I had previously considered - that of the battle between choas and order, anarchy and civilization.

The Verrette's Are Home!

Oh, my, am I FULL of stuff to write about, or what?  I'm about to burst!

We have never been able to take real vacations until just recently, and I'm hooked on the whole concept.  I can't believe I made it to the ripe old age of . . . Hmmmm, should I tell?  Aww, heck, my b-day is on Tuesday and I'm shamelessly hoping for Happy B-Day Greetings - so I'll spill the beans - for 2 more days I'm 38 years old.  Then I'll be the age that no one believes when you say it - 39.  Have you ever noticed how bad the *9* birthdays stink?  People believe you when you say "I'm 30" or "I'm 40" - I guess they figure why would you lie about a big _0 year? - but as soon as you say "I'm 29" they get that look in their eye and nod and smile like they got the joke.

But, as I was saying, I have discovered the wonder of the vacation and I have decided that there's no place like away from home.  We had a blast in Florida this time.  We didn't go back to Pensacola though and I had really hoped to take Tim to some of the places that Mary and I discovered last January.  I guess this means we'll just have to go back.   

This time around, Tim's brother got married in Navarre to a lovely girl - Amy.  I'm pleased to welcome her to the family, and I'm very excited by how much she and I have in common.  Not only our last name, but interests, ideas, and goals.  I also let her in on the Xanga secret and she subscribed to my site.  Wasn't that totally cool of her?

My Mother-in-law takes vacationing VERY seriously.  She planned more activites than any normal family could cover in a month.  We didn't manage to cross everything off her list, but we covered quite a bit of territory and enjoyed evey minute of it.  She had rented a cabin for three nights at Lake Holly (don't swim in the lake, there are alligators) where there was a swimming pool, miniature golf, a clubhouse with pingpong and fuze ball (did I spell that right?) horse shoe pits, and of course major fishing opportunities for the guys.  I don't mind fishing, but I refuse to touch the bait or the fish, so the guys quickly determined that they were better off without me along in the boat.

Of course, we also spent a lot of time at the beach.  I don't know how many photos I have, but after the first several rounds, I put the camera in Mom's hand so there ARE pics of me in amongst them.  I'll sort it out and post some over the next several days.

Coming home was another big adventure.  While we were gone a storm tripped the circuit breakers for about half our house, including the laundry room where our commercial sized upright freezer sits full of meat.  Oh, yeah.  Have you ever smelled a crime scene?  This should be fodder for a short story some time down the road.  By the time we arrived last night, there had been an inch of blood standing in our laundry room for long enough that gross doesn't begin to describe the scene.  If I'd been a little more prepared I could have whipped out the microscope and used the opportunity to teach the kinds bacteriology.  But, being a wimp about such things, I totally broke down.

After the first few moments of shock, I remembered that my home owners policy includes a clause that in case the home is uninhabitable, my insurance will pay for a hotel room until the house is brought back to livable condition.  So I called the claim center.  Not only was my adjuster willing to send us immediately to the nearest place with room service - he also insisted that we immediately cease and desist all inclination to try to clean the mess ourselves.  Within an hour of the time I placed the call, a professional disaster cleaning service representative was in my home and on the job. 

The man worked until after 2:00 this morning and I have tears in my eyes as I type this, I'm so grateful for the service he provided.  We didn't leave our home last night because it was so late by the time we could have that we were too exhausted to drive anywhere.  We set up airfilters to remove the odors and lit candles in every flavor we could find.

I can't say enough about how efficiently and quickly our insurance company (State Farm) and the cleaning service (Servpro - a nationwide company) responded to our crisis.  The service that we received was superior to anything I've ever experienced before.  It looks like the only thing I'll have to do is some price hunting to determine the replacement cost of the things we lost in the disaster.  How cool is that?

Hey Guys!  I got a minute!  Mwwwuuuuuaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Tim and my In-laws have gone over to attend the wedding rehearsal and dinnner for my brother-in-law (have I mentioned that I'm in FLorida for the wedding?)  I volunteered to stay behind with the boys so they would be well rested and hopefully well-behaved tomorrow at the wedding.  I got lots of brownie points for being a great wife and mother - and as soon as they were out the driveway, I was online!

We are having a great vacation.  We've been to the beach everyday.  In addition, we've been to the Mall, taken the kids to see Spirit, been to the Gulfarium, and toured Eglin Air Force Base.  This afternoon it rained so we went to the Armament Museum outside Eglin.  There is at least one LOOOOONG blog coming out of that experience.

Tim has been in charge of the camera.  He promised I'd be in pictures from this vacation - I downloaded the camera - and so far there is one fairly clear shot of the back of my hat at the Gulfarium.  Other than that there's no suggestion that I'm even along.

We started off our trip in usual Verrette Form.

Hey Tucker, put your clothes on so we can leave!  Come on, Dad is loading the car and everyone else is dressed.

Okay, Mom.

Very funny, kid.  Ha, ha

Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmm

YOUR SON has inherited YOUR sense of humor!

We finally got Tucker dressed and were on the road by 5:30 ET Monday morning.  So we arrived in Florida early Monday evening and we've been doing serious vacationing ever since.  We thought about touring the James K. Polk house in Tennessee, but we could decide whether it would be a better use of the time to sneak in a history lesson or a chemistry opportunity (we also had the option of touring the Jack Daniel's plant just a few more miles down I-65)  IN the end, we settled for a quick stop at a tourist trap where we bought the kids a plastic dinosaur they could use to bludgeon each other in the back seat.

I don't know if this is an especially cool moth or an especially cool butterfly.  We saw it when we stopped for gas in Tennessee.

We loved the Gulfarium on Okaloosa Island - between Ft. Walton Beach and Destin, FL.

The picture is a little blurred - but this puffer fish was magnificient as he stared at the people on display for his entertainment. 

Just talked to my sister on the phone and they sound like they are having a wonderful time.  She and her family spent the day at the beach yesterday and today they (along with "Grandma") are taking her children to the movies.

She told me that she is planning to try to steal a few moments this evening to update her site. (I told her all of you wished her well!)

Sincerely,

Fugitive