I've had another very rough week.  This time I've been sick.  Some kind of stomach virus.  On Tuesday morning I had an episode of the inevitable events that go with stomach virus that was so violent and lasted so long that my blood pressure shot through the roof.  I had pain down my left arm, my hands went numb, my face went numb, I didn't pass out, but became so dizzy and disoriented that I'm not sure how I stayed conscious.  I thought I was having a heart attack.

My only coherent thought at the time was that I needed help getting the boys to school.  So I called my friend Tina.  Tina came and her son Ben followed to help with the boys.  By the time they got here, the worse of my symptoms were subsiding and I was starting to think that I just might survive this deal after all.  I lay down, we talked about it, and decided that there wasn't any point in going to the ER because what would they see?  A woman with a stomach virus.

It finally occurred to me that taking my blood pressure would be a good thing.  I have an electric blood pressure cuff, so we dug it out and made use of it.   By that point almost 2 hours had passed since my little event and my blood pressure was still well into the red zone.  I stayed in my lying dwn with feet propped up position and 30 minutes later we took it again.  Both numbers had dropped by at least ten points so that confirmed my feeling that I was recovering. 

Ben stayed to babysit me until noon at which point my blood pressure was high normal and I was feeling bad for wasting his day.

There are other interesting things that have happened during my illness.  My sns made dinner on Tuesday night.  It was spaghetti sauce from a jar with frozen meatballs.  You'd have thought it was Top Chef from all the discussion required.  We've gotten a lot of support over the past three days from friends and church members.  It's been pretty amazing actually.  For the first time in a very long time, I'm in a place and have made the kind of connections that mean that we are not alone.  I'm not very good at asking for help, but I know beyond a shadow of doubt that if I needed it there are multiple people I can call at any time of the day or night and they would be here helping. 

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When I think of the classic hero, the image in my mind is of the man who runs into the burning building to save a life.  A few days ago, my cousin did just that.  He was on his way home from work and saw a house on fire with an elderly woman crying in the front yard.  Although she had made it out, her wheelchair bound husband had not.  He was trapped in the back of the house. 

Rescue workers said that they couldn't find a way through the fence to reach the back of the house and that it was too far gone anyway, there was nothing they could do.

My cousin, Jeff, said, "I will make a way through that fence, you just follow me."  And he did.  He made it through the fence and went into the back of the house. 

Bystanders reported that after they lost sight of him, they heard a number of explosions, most probably from oxygen tanks and live ammuniton that was stored in the house.  They thought that Jeff was lost. 

Then, he reappeared carrying the man.

At that point the rescue workers raced to help him. 

The man had burns on the bottoms of his feet, and Jeff's back was blistered from the heat.  But everyone survived. 

Hey Guys, Sorry, I didn't mean to worry anyone or to disappear.  No crisis, and I didn't run away with the Cirque, although there was this one guy on a bicycle that I'd have loved to spend a little more time with. 

It was glorious.  Beyond describing in words and they expressly forbade any picture taking (even without flash). 

I had one of those learning expriences on Friday that makes me wish kids came with a foolproof manual.  You know the kind.  Follow the steps and even a blind man can build a nuclear reactor in his garage.  Because that's what parenting is like.  You get this sweet little bit of flesh so fragile that you are afraid to go to sleep because you're pretty sure that the second you take your eyes off it will stop breathing.  And you're expecting to make a million right decisions and voila!  A healthy adult at the other end. 

I'm not anywhere near my million decision mark, and I'm starting to think that my batting average is going to mean I get one of those trading cards that is only used for constructing paper houses. 

Tucker told me.  He told me REPEATEDLY that he was afraid that going to Cirque would be too much for him.  The noise, the crowds, the whole thing ... and I didn't listen.  I thought we were in broccoli mode.  You know?  Where the kid says, "I don't like that." and the parent says, "You've never tried it before." and the kid says, "I don't have to try it, I know by smelling i won't like it." and the parent says, "here, let's put a little cheese sauce on it and you just have to have three bites." and gradually, broccoli with cheese sauce becomes the kid's favorite side dish.

So I said, "You just haven't been before (that you can remember) try it, you'll LIKE it." and off we went.

He was a little unhappy about the crowd, but we got there early and took our aisle seats before the major rush.  So that wasn't too bad.  Then the clowns came out and played with the audience a bit and he liked that a lot.  Then the lights went down and the live music began and he lost it.  He was so overwhelmed by the volume that he burst into tears.  He was miserable. 

During intermission we went and got toilet paper, improvised some earplugs and that muffled the sound enough that he was able to enjoy the second half.  So I learned that sometimes a Circus is not broccoli. 

But I have to tell you, the Cirque du Soleil is an experience not to be missed.  I hope everyone of you has the opportunity to see it, hear it, feel it, and let it wash over you.  These people are simply amazing.  I wanna grow up and be just like them. 

OH and Michael?  Was seated on the other side of me, oblivious to Tucker's distress.  The wonder and joy on his face was worth the price of three tickets. 

Tonight, we have tickets to Cirque du Soleil.  I'm really glad I bought them three months ago, the fact that they are here and paid for eliminates any stress over whether we should or shouldn't spend the money.  I'm going shopping for a new blouse to wear.  The boys told me they don't need new blouses.  We're excited. 

I caught them.
I should have known that something was up.
They were in their room with the door closed.
Quiet.

That alone should have alerted me.
Had not large parts of my brain gone on a cold med sponsored vacation, I'm sure I would have noticed.

Finally, it sank in that something wasn't right.
And I caught them.

Googling.

On the laptop.

Googling.

"Bunny Suicides"

I can't prove it, but I'm pretty sure this is my brother's fault.   

I am feeling better today, not quite so much like something ran over me.  Yesterday, I didn't even have the energ to stand in my kitchen to make soup for lunch, how sad is that?  SO I had soup from the bistro across the street. 

Today, I did feel like standing in my kitchen so I made a better version of the soup I had yesterday.  Yeah, I'm the Soup Nazi.  LOL.  I likes my soup. 

********

While I was in the kitchen making my superior soup, I heard the rattle of a plastic bag.  And since I'm a naturally suspicious sort, I went looking to see what was going on.  My cat, the GOOD cat, Gladys, had gotten into Tucker's art supplies box and liberated a bag of feathers. 

There were so many red/yellow/orange feathers on the floor of the dining room it looked like a stripper had popped out of a cake and shaken her feather boas. 

I cleaned up most of the mess, but I have a photo of a few of the feathers that I missed the first time around. 

Spazzzzzzzz says I'm a mean Momi for taking the feathers away.  Maybe if I'm in a really weird mood later, I'll let Gladys go to town.  I have to admit that in spite of it making a mess, it was funny ...

**********

Several people have asked about "buying" lifetime with credits and how you get credits. 

You can purchase:

1 Month xanga premium = 4,000 credits

6 Months Xanga premium  =  15,000 credits

12 Months xanga premium =  25,000 credits

Lifetime = 100,000 credits

You can earn:
2 credits for each comment you post
2 credit for each comment someone posts on your blog
6 credits for each comment you post through the Welcome Wagon
10 credits if someone gives you the Mini that says 100 eprops
100 credits if someone gives you the Mini that says 1000 eprops
?? credits for some of the other mini's but I don't know which ones give you credits or how much, not every other mini bestows credits on the recipient.
2000 credits for each completed survey, limit one per day, and this is the last month they are giving credits for surveys.

Yesterday morning I had 40,000 credits - when I woke today, I'm just a couple short of 45,000.  I never expected anything like the outpouring that took place here and I'm stunned.  THANK YOU!

********

I have a nasty cold.  My sinuses are so congested that I kept waking myself up with snoring.  So I didn't sleep well last night.  I woke this morning to the sound of Michael taking out the trash without being asked.

Not only that but he was showered, dressed, had eaten his breakfast and had already made his lunch.

I asked him if he remembered to put the bandaids over the blisters on his feet that have been cause for me to drive him to school for a week.  He said, "No, but I'm wearing the same socks as yesterday because they still have ointment on them"

Then he saw the look on my face and started saying, "I was just kidding, I'm developing a sense of humor ... ha .. ha ... see you later!"

Tucker is teasing the cat.  He gets Joe all wound up so he's running through the apartment like his tail is on fire and then Tucker ducks into his room and hides which REALLY freaks out the cat.  Tucker says, "I'm lucky he doesn't have exposable thumbs ..."

Tina's son, Ben, is graduating from High School this afternoon.  I want to go but I really don't feel well.  If my cold meds can give me relief, I'll meet the gang for the pre-graduation lunch and give Ben his card.  If I'm still headachey and achey, I'm going to console myself with the knowledge that I can give it to him on Sunday.  I feel confident that although he would like to have a huge cheering section, he'll be okay with getting the present. 

********

If I don't go to the graduation festivities, I'll hang out here and participate in the Welcome Wagon for a couple of hours   I'm almost halfway there!  Thank you my friends. 

I want Xanga lifetime.

SO - I'm trying to earn enough credits to get there. I'm sure that some of you have noticed that I've had incredibly generous friends who give me 1000 eprops on blogs that are ... well, lets face it.  They aren't all that superior.  They've been giving me the mini's to help me in my quest. 

Xanga is kind of cheap.  Whenever someone leaves me a 1000 eprop mini, I get 100 credits.  But still, that's 100 closer to my goal!

I'm at 40,414 as of this morning.

It's taking longer than I had hoped to earn the credits.  I apparently am not the right demographic for most of the surveys that have been out there to help you earn 2,000 credits.  But I'm persistent. 

 Okay, this one is a bit more obscure.  Anyone here remember Depeche Mode?  Blasphemous Rumours?  My BFF, who is a music and media buff, didn't know this one.  But I'm including it here for your listening pleasure.  Without further ado, please welcome those wild and wooly monks performing their Gregorian Chant version of Blasphemous Rumours.

Since yesterday was Mother's Day, my boys presented me with objects signifying their affections.  Michael, who has carefully observed over the past two and a half weeks as I've made good use of my insomnia to finish 17 of the books in my "to be read" pile, gave me a book mark.  He encouraged me to set a book aside long enough to actually use it. 

Tucker gave me an oil painting that he's been working on.  We talked about how the painting should be framed.  Where it should be hung.  And then he said, "And when I move out, I'll want to take it with me so I can remember you." 

But in the meantime, I can enjoy it all I want. 

I spent most of my morning from the time I woke at 4 crying.  It was a strange surreal kind of crying.  I've just finished the study of A New Earth so I was very conscious of what was going on inside my head.  And it wasn't like anything that made sense to me.  I wasn't rehearsing past pains.  I wasn't telling myself how awful things are or how scary they might be.

I was just crying.  It was like coming in late to a silent film with some character crying but lacking any context that would reveal why.  Finally, and it took a while, but finally after it was pointed out to me that I have gone through multiple ups and downs lately, I decided that I didn't need a reason, apparently all the twists and turns had me wound up, and my body needed a means to release all that emotional stuff. 

I didn't feel any better or worse after I was done, but I did feel hungry.  I wanted a pecan shortbread cookie.  So I made a pot of coffee and with careful attention to each present moment, I dipped cookies into the coffee and nibbled them a little bit at a time until I wasn't hungry anymore.

Then I went to my bed with a new book.  But after a few minutes of not being comfortable and remembering that the kids' doctor warned us all of the danger of lying on our bed for any reason other than sleeping, I moved back out to the living room in the midst  of the kids, cats and chaos. 

Joe the cat curled up next to me in an unJoelike display of gentle affect. 

I don't know if I feel better now, I guess it would depend on the comparison point.  I feel better than I did when I was crying, or at least I feel more peaceful.  I don't feel any more or less agitated than I have all week, but I do feel tired. 

I realize that it was a kindness for my boss to give me advance notice, but now I wish I didn't know.  I wish I didn't have to continue doing this job anymore.  I just want it to be over.  I don't feel like I owe them anything else at this point.  But that hasn't prevented them asking me for more. 

Tucker had an awards luncheon at school yesterday.  He got a ribbon for the Most Improved Behavior.  And he so got to my heart.  When I arrived, his teacher greeted me with some surprise and told me that Tucker had told her that he didn't really expect me to show up.  He had told her that I needed to work. 

When he saw me he was obviously both surprised and delighted.  He gave me a big hug, led me with pride to the special place he had prepared for me to sit, and showed me the things that have been important to him in this room.  There's the Golden Labrador, Junior, who comes to the school on Tuesdays and Thursdays to "help" in the Special Ed department.  Junior has been specially trained for working with special needs children and he's very good at sitting still while one of them holds on to him and cries. 

One of the teachers had offered the kids their choice of some carved hematite pendants and strung them on necklaces.  Tucker chose a turtle and was very pleased to have it along with the explanation that turtles are an important symbol in Native American cultures representing the power of long life and persistence.

After the awards were presented, Tucker mentioned that the Book Fair was in the library.  He pulled out a crumpled paper and showed me the titles he'd written down.  Then he said, "I'll understand if I can't have these, I know you took off time to come here today so you earned less money and we're trying to save ..."

Some things, even if you understand? they still hurt.

I thanked him for the list, and went straight to the book fair where I bought the two books he asked for and then because one of them was the first in a series I bought the next two books to go with it.  Before I left the school, I dropped them off at his classroom so he could enjoy having them as a treat. 

Now that I have both caffeine and cookies in my system, I think I'll go do some chores.