September 14, 2008

• Where has this year gone?

  I started out this morning wondering where the past week went, because I had such great intentions of getting back in here to blog more.  But then I realized it’s not just the past week, but the past month and indeed the whole past year that seems to have flown by. 

  Work has been satisfying but very busy (which is satisfying in it’s own way).  The boys have had another good week.  We have date night every Friday, and this week was my week to choose.  I was tired and not much interested in a crowd (or the expense of a nice restaurant) so we went to Captain D’s where I can get grilled/broiled fish and they can pig out on their baskets. 

  Yesterday we went to the State Fair.  The photos I got with my phone were less than stellar.  I did get a few though most of the art buildings prohibited any photography.  But the “Creative Arts/Crafts” building was mostly entries by non-professionals and they allowed photos.  I saw a lot of things that gave me ideas for things I’d like to do … someday …  We visited the Indian Village and watched the dancers, Michael shared some of an Indian Taco with me, and then we all three split a Turkey leg.  Drank a LOT of expensive water.  And rode the Ferris Wheel.

  Much State Fair fun.  And now we’re tired.

  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and to be honest I had to overcome some reluctance on my part to drag my carcass out to the Fair yesterday.  But life has been a lot of work lately, and we need our fun. 

  My Mom told me yesterday that another cousin passed away. This one about 14 years older than me.  I’m pretty sure he never expected it.  Just like the rest of us, he assumed that he would be in that percentage of people who make it to at least 90.  But what if we knew we only had 10 or 15 more years?  or maybe even only 5 more years?  It’s not a new thought, but as I’m reaching an age where I’m seeing more and more of my friends and family face mortality, its coming home stronger than ever that we really don’t know. 

  None of us have a guarantee of tomorrow.  So while the sun is shining and the Fair is in town, I want to play a little.  It may be that at the end all we have left are memories, and I don’t want my kids’ memories of me to be of the mom who worked and worked and never took time to play with them or just relax and enjoy the day. 

  And to change horses entirely  I feel the need to have my say about some of the things I’m hearing from the political arena.  I know we all have opinions – and you’re entitled to yours just as I’m entitled to mine.  John McCain and Sarah Palin frighten me with their stated platform and my blood boils every time I hear someone trot out that line about Republicans and moral high ground.

  I personally can’t imagine that I would have ever chosen to abort a baby.  But I also experienced the pain of involuntary abortion with several miscarriages and I desperately wanted children.  As a single mother, I clearly see the financial issues that have to be considered by any responsible person before bringing a child into the world.  I know that there are those who tout adoption as the answer to unplanned pregnancy, and that is a good answer for a great many people, but that doesn’t answer it for everyone. 

  The reality of our culture is that an unplanned pregnancy can very well mean an uninsured pregnancy.  With 47 million people lacking health insurance (and many of them young) do we as a society have the right to tell a young woman that she must bear the thousands of dollars of delivery expense versus the few hundred it costs for an abortion?  I’ve seen the devastation unpaid medical bills wreak on a family’s security and those things follow and follow and follow.  There are collection agencies in business today collecting on debts over ten years old. 

  Someone with those marks on their credit record can easily find themselves paying double or triple interest on a car loan over the rates charged to someone with good credit.  Because more and more employers are checking credit before making hiring decisions, those bills can cost workers jobs.  Insurance companies base their rates for home and auto insurance in part on your credit score. 

  But lets take that another step down the road of what happens to a woman with an unplanned baby and consider her condition if she does try to keep and raise her child.  The “welfare” system is worst than a joke, its an insult. 

  People who gripe, moan, and complain about women having kids and then being taken care of by the welfare system have no idea what they are talking about.  The amount of cash dispensed to families under TANF isn’t enough to pay rent on a run down tenement in most places much less put food on the table.  I discovered when I was struggling to live on less than $12,000 a year that the food stamps formula allowed for $92 a MONTH for three people.  You can imagine that we were having steak and caviar on that? 

  The cost of child care has always been out of my reach.  The low cost after school program with a Federal grant to subsidize it, wanted me to pay $120 a week – each – to care for my then 10 and 7 year olds.  And I was only bringing home $600 a week at the time I applied for that.  So my choice was to get home by the time school was out or have my kids be latchkey kids.  Even when they got old enough that I wasn’t terrified for them to be at home for an hour before I got there, I had a neighbor who reported me to the police for child neglect.  (Happily for me, the police sided with me, but that could so easily have gone the other way.) 

  What does money have to do with the decision to abort an unplanned pregnancy versus giving birth to the baby?  Studies done by Planned Parenthood reveal that over 85% of the women who abort feel that they are pushed into that choice by a lack of support from their families and the fathers of their children.  They aren’t being unrealistic to say that they can’t care for the baby.  They probably can’t. 

  Everything I’ve written assumes that the costs are those associated with raising a “normal” healthy child.  But what if that child has special needs?  Michael Savage recently shocked and angered the autism community when he said on his program that parents want that diagnosis for their children because it gives them access to money and programs.  What appalling ignorance.  There is no money for children with autism disorders.  This year I have already paid out of pocket over $3,000 for therapy and medication for my kids and that’s all I can afford.  There are other things they need that they simply aren’t getting because I do what I can and I can’t do anymore. The worst part of Dr. Savage’s comment to me wasn’t that he said it, but how many people wrote editorials defending him and agreeing with his position.  I wish those people would stop and think for just a moment, or better yet ask a family struggling with autism what they have to go through.

  Parents with a special needs child are more likely to be passed over for promotion, are more prone to depression, illness and suicide, and less likely to have a penny in retirement savings.  A single mom in these circumstances has about 12 strikes against her before she starts.  And with approximately 1:150 children falling on the autism spectrum that’s a lot of single parents out there who will be dealing with the issue for their whole life.

  Giving birth to a special needs child doesn’t make one a special needs
  advocate.  A record of support for the few pitiful programs we have in
  place might impress me, but Governor Palin can’t point to anything
  she’s done to advocate for Special Needs prior to birthing her baby.  I’ve read a lot of “shame on you” comments and editorials from people who think it’s harsh to take Gov. Palin to task on this issue, but I believe that she put it on the table when she brought it up in her acceptance speech and it would be ludicrous to take her “advocacy” at face value without saying, “okay, advocate, what have you done?”

  And have you noticed how often the same people saying that women shouldn’t have the right to choose what to do with their bodies then use the next sentence to talk about how we shouldn’t give “handouts” to irresponsible people?  Does anyone else find that irony a bit too much to bear?  We need policies and procedures that provide realistic help for parents struggling to raise children in a world increasingly hostile to the needs of families.  We don’t need to outlaw abortion or waste our time on amendments to define marriage. 

  Morality means a lot more than whether or not we make it illegal for a woman to abort a child or whether we interfere with the right of adults to decide on their life partners.  Issues of economic justice, social justice, environmental protection, and unjust warfare (and unless you have read and know what the “just war” philosophy even IS please don’t tell me that we were justified invading Iraq – I refuse to discuss it with anyone who parrots propaganda) are all moral issues and the Republican platform is far from high ground on these points.  The past 8 years have seen the most massive erosion of personal freedoms ever in the West.  Guantanamo Bay, waterboading, wiretapping US citizens, firing US Attorneys for political party affiliation, VETOING the Child Health Plan … shall I go on? 

  No, I don’t think I will go on.  I think I will go to church now because I feel the need to pray and pray and pray. 

   

   

  • 11:17 am
  • 17 Comments