March 19, 2008

• Possible Side Effects

  UPDATE:

  Cool Mary has placed a very nice Liz Claibourne bag on eBay. Lots of pockets for organization, or just playing like organization.  The hyperlink I tried to embed was messed up somehow, but you can see the purse at www.ebay.com if you search for item 300208374766.  Thanks

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  So I took my first dose of medication last night and I had very high hopes.  Because see, I haven't been sleeping very well, I had this wild idea that being on medication would change all that.  So I climbed up onto my bed,  tucked my thick comforter around my shoulders, and smiled. 

  At 2 o'clock this morning I was sitting in the center of my bed huddled under my thick comforter completely freaking out.  It was not a good thing when I was waking at 2 for the past eight weeks, but I very grumplily would either roll over and try to go back to sleep or get up and read, or make a cup of tea, or kick the cat or something.

  This morning, since I knew for certain that I was medicated, the fact that I woke up anyway absolutely flipped me out.  I was sitting there terrified that the institution in which my meager savings reside was at that moment being bought out in a secret 2 am deal with chortling people from some obscure little nation grown fat on the fortunes made from almonds or sexy shoes, or something else completely incomprehensible but nonetheless wealth generating enough to swoop in and take it all. 

  After minutes and minutes of terror, I got out of bed and read the next Chapter in the Tolle book which as anyone who's read this stuff can testify should put anyone in their right mind to sleep, only it didn't.  I was interested.  I was AWAKE.  And thus it continued. 

  This morning after it wasn't dark anymore, I explained to my best friend what kind of night I'd had and how panicked I was because it's one thing to be anxious and sleepless but to still be anxious and sleepless while medicated, that's just wrong.

  After a quick trip through Googleland, the report came back, "It takes a few days for it to build up to a therapeutic level.  Relax."

  This afternoon, I inexplicably went off line for two hours.  There's a chance that I was kidnapped by purpelians, or that I felt a need to leave the task at hand and cook a 12 course meal.  There's a chance that the roof caved in and trapped me beneath tons of rubble, or that I'd had a heart attack, or that I had suddenly hit the eHarmonious jackpot and run away with Prince Charming to a life of bliss.  OR, there was a chance that I fell asleep in my chair and didn't hear the phone.

  In the meantime, my co-worker noticed my absence and lack of response to her ever increasingly concerned attempts to reach me.  She saw my sister online and mentioned my disappearance.  So my sister being a level-headed and slow to react sort of person only called EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME, just in case I might have mentioned to them that I had plans to be hit by a bus this afternoon.

  I spent the rest of the afternoon putting out the fires and assuring people that I'm not dead yet.  Or even Missing.   

  Well, I feel better, but as I climb onto my bed tonight I'm eyeing the pillow a bit warily and keeping my expectations in check.  I'm praying that I will get enough sleep that I can remain awake through the day tomorrow and avoid the unpleasant side-effect of inadvertently worrying half the country.

  (There was talk of an ankle bracelet and low voltage but nasty little shocks ... )

  And seriously, I'm glad that people care enough about me to go to the effort of a full scale panic attack every now and then.  It reassures me.  That's probably not a good thing.

   

  • 8:25 am
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