January 18, 2008
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Wiser?
Did you ever want, very much, to let someone off the hook? Absolve them of a responsibility? I've had that desire so often in my life. I want to take care of things and make life easier for the people I love. To a degree of course it is possible to do that.
I know that the love I receive gives me strength and makes it possible for me to persevere which makes my life easier than if I had to constantly drag myself up from the ground and start again. Love opens Its arms and keeps me from hitting the ground to start with.
But there's a sense in which no matter how much I want to make it easier, and no matter how hard I try, my effort cannot succeed. Because some responsibilities are not open for mitigation.
As a dyed-in-the-wool enabler and co-dependent, that's been a lesson that I've had to learn the hard way. And you know the worst? My inability to release someone from responsibility or obligation to me. It makes sense to me that if I'm the person to whom it's owed, I should be able to decide whether or not to collect the debt.
How strange then to realize that it doesn't work that way. I can't absolve my boss from his responsibility to uphold fair labor laws. I can't absolve my child from his responsibility to treat me courteously. And I can't absolve my best friend from the debt of love that requires consideration.
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My mortgage lender person says that it's possible for me to qualify for the loan I would need to buy the house of my dreams. It's a beautiful place. And it's even possible that I might do it without having to put down the very last dime of my savings. She's concerned (and so am I) that putting everything I have into a house would leave me with no buffer in case of a crisis and God knows that with the boys and life in general, there will be a crisis sooner or later. So, she's working for me, trying to put together a good package.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and praying. And I'm still making my deposits, one square foot after another. I'll get there.
Comments (7)
My next suggestion is to make DAMNED sure you read ALL of the fine print on that loan and COMPLETELY understand what you are signing! For goodness sakes PLEASE do NOT under ANY circumstances be convinced that an ARM (adjustable rate mortgage) is the way to go! I'm pretty sure you know all of this but I gotta say it anyway! Sending lots of good house vibes that way!
i'm sorry this week didn't work out... maybe when i get back? one important thing is that you will most like build up value in the house quickly. prices on houses here haven't dropped much and while the market is slower, it is still stable- or more stable than the rest of the us it seems. it's a good time to buy- not such a great time to sell. sigh! holding people accountable for their actions is difficult and not one i'm good at.
What? Hold people responsible for their actions? Collect debts someone owes to you? OMG Radical, Radical. What if everyone did this? Wouldn't that screw everything up?
I think the thing I keep remembering is that MOST people don't really want to help YOU feel better about things that they've done (or been a part of) they really only want to do what they have to in order to relieve themselves of the sense of responsibility for their actions. But then again - that's only my pinion.
ryc: Hillraiser! I like that! Definitely going to be using that from now on.
Much good luck and warm thoughts to you regarding getting a good loan!! Having been there myself only a year and a half ago I can relate. *hugs*
As a former loan officer and mortgage broker, I have to reiterate what was said above in the first comment.
If you can wait a few more months, I have it on relatively good authority that the buyers market is going to be the best ever.
Oh, btw, I quoted you on our front page at NING. And in a letter I sent to my Ya Ya's today.
"Every now and then, I'd rather go out on a limb and risk disappointment or worse for that moment of belief that the spark inside humanity is alive and that we are strong enough to overcome." ~Terri Verrette
I will be thinking good thoughts for you girl. I hope everything works with the house thing. I agree with Rnbow spot dont do a ARM.... That is why the housing market is crashing and people all over the country are loosing their houses...
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