January 4, 2008
-
Shout Hallelujah, C'Mon Get Happy ... *update*
**** Update to include Tucker Story****
*Tucker just opened the refrigerator to get some milk and accidentally bumped out a little plastic bowl with leftovers. He shrieked like a girl. So Michael and I (after we recovered from thinking he'd broken his arm or something) were teasing him.
Tucker: "That was a surprise and a shock when the bowl fell out. You should be nicer to me because small animals can easily die of shock."*
Do you know one of those eternally happy people? The kind who smile at the least provocation? The kind who seem frighteningly on the verge of bursting into song? The people who put little hearts and flowers around their office and c'mon, let's be honest, you kind of wonder if they are living in the same reality as the rest of us.
Have you noticed how often it seems that when people talk about becoming a healthier mental and spiritual being, they seem to have in mind turning us into one of these pink wielding people of perpetual perkiness?
Do you ever have an urge to put a little balance in their life? Nothing bad, just a flat tire on the way to work, or a broken leg from their weekend ski trip ...
You're a bad person.
Just wanted to clear that up to start with, because I've discovered that I'm a bad person too.
I'd like to be a better person, but I'm not at all willing to give up my irritation with the puppies and kittens of the world.
So having faced my darkness, I've decided that even if I can't be better, I can still be healthier. I'll live longer and I'll take great pleasure in my cranky old lady ways. (Cool Mary still gets to be the one with the shotgun cause she called it first, but I'll find my own way to vent.)
In order to live longer, I'll make healthier choices this year. (This is not a resolution, this is just what I'm going to do.)
I'm thinking of starting an email Newsletter, much like the one I do for NaNo that I'll offer to other Health Seeking Cranky people. Sort of a newsletter for the real of us. I won't tell you how ecstatic I become when I find a 100 calorie pack of Caramel/Chocolate Chex mix. Because yeah, the stuff is good, but they only put 100 calories in the pack so HELLO there are only THREE PIECES of CHEX! That's not a snack, that's a freaking rip-off. They know and I know that you aren't going to stop at one pack. You'll do the same thing I did when I discovered them last fall. I had 6. In one sitting. And then a couple hours later, I sat down again.
100 calorie snack packs like this are a BAD IDEA.
I will also tell you which of the Progresso 0-2 point soups are worth the $2 for the can and which taste nasty.
I'll research and provide you with interesting and little known health facts carefully gleaned from episodes of House.
Maybe I'll be funny. But I won't bs you into thinking that you should be happy to live on 20 grams of carbs per day. Or that celery is anything other than a grass like stalk designed by God to deliver peanut butter and cheese to your mouth.
Anybody wanna play? Anybody wanna join me in my quest for a healthier me while retaining all my endearing crankiness?
Comments (16)
awww ... he didn't dance
My theory: pink wielding people of perpetual perkiness are on Prozac.
Sign me up and I'll make a deal with you.... I'll only take the shotgun to half the salesmen. The rest we can invite in for tea with your charming little tea sets, and you can give them arsenic-laced brownies. I only want the ones laced with whiskey. Or hashish. Both for medicinal purposes, of course.
Me me me! I want to play! I got the Crankiest Old Lady award last year for poking people with my umbrella in line at the grocery because they didn't move fast enough.
I make yogurt cheese and put herbs in it (just like cream cheese with not as much fat) and all sorts of good healthy things so I can be cranky longer (one of my passwords [no I'm not going to say to what] is actually 'cranky') and annoy as many people as possible for as many years as I can. My specialty, btw, is taking out kneecaps with a miniature baseball bat that I carry around with me. That's for the really REALLY perky ones. 
A House comment- It was actually Wilson who said "Colonel Mustard in the Music Room with the knife" and House corrected him, pointing out that is called a Conservatory, and they argued about that like T & M might. Heh.
oh... and wasn't it Mae West who said "When I'm good, I am very good, but when I'm bad I'm better"???
small animals easily die of shock ..... hee hee hee
Name for the Newsletter? Journal of Crank and Dark(ness). All the news fit for bad people.
Hehe! I'd be willing to contribute as I can with content etc!
I think it's a great idea!
What a freakin' great idea. Count me in.
Yes!
I'll play. BTW - the 100 calorie packs are to make it easier to count calories......
I'd love to be on your list (in fact: just put me defacto on all your lists
). And I wanted to give a sideline halleujah about "this isn't a resolution, this is just what I'm going to do." Love it. Definitely think a lot of us would be happier just to be doing (indicates best effort) rather than resolving (indicates guilt on the face of it). 
Oh my god.... did the same thing with the same kind of snack packs but I only ate 3 not that I was hero but that was all that was left in the box.
Comments are closed.