November 24, 2007
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Heading Home From the Holidaze
Well, I remember now why I don't want to live in Arkansas. It is fully peopled with my family. And its much much much easier to get along peaceably with my family when I'm four states away. Mostly, it's my mom. I don't know why she is the way she is, and every time I'm around her I renew my vows to pursue peace, joy, patience, kindness, and gentleness of voice, spirit, mind, and soul.
I know my Mom has had her share of difficulties. And just in case I (or anyone) missed that from observation, she's been faithful to point it out to us at least hourly.
Mostly on this trip, it's been my sister who's borne the brunt of my Mom's ranting, raving, silent treatment and demands. I don't know how my sister puts up with it.
I've never been able to stand up to my mother. I know this about myself, so I have chosen to remove myself from the line of fire.
I love my Daddy, and in many ways I consider myself to be a Daddy's girl. Dad and I share our love of football, learning, puzzles, working with our hands, and dedication to our families. I wish that I could have more time with him, but time with Dad comes at a cost that I can't afford to pay.
The kids have had a wonderful time with their cousins. So that's been good.
I've eaten WAY too much food, because that's what I do when things are uncomfortable around me. I hide my face behind a plate of food and compulsively work my way through to the end.
We have one more baking project this morning, Mom wants to make Christmas goodies to share with the neighbors. And by "Mom wants to make..." I mean Mom wants to make her daughters miserable by sitting at the table and yelling that we are doing it all wrong while we make the cookies and candies on her list.
I know it sounds like I'm on the pessimistic side of the street. I'm really not. I know what Mom is like. I know what coming here means. And I still long to do this and to be here. I miss my parents and my sisters and brother. I miss my extended family. I miss being in Arkansas when the HAWGS are riding high.
But it remains that as I'm loading the car to go back home, I'm profoundly relieved and grateful to have a home where for all my mistakes, I have built a family environment that is much more peaceful, joyful, hug-loving, fun-sharing, kind, and safe than anything I lived with for the first 40 years of my life.
Comments (12)
sometimes a little family goes a long long ways! i give you credit for identifying some of the negative triggers and being able to cope with them- even for a short time!!! drive safe!
Girl, I can relate!! Safe journey!!
I sure understand this: I wish that I could have more time with him, but time with Dad comes at a cost that I can't afford to pay. Same for me...only it's my Mom I want time with but can't afford the price of dealing with my Dad. Sigh. I like being with extended family because it does tend to make one appreciate one's own home.
Have a safe trip!
Glad you had a nice time in AR. I'm even happier that you are in a place where you can celebrate the holiday and then put the needed distance between your mother and yourself. (You are stronger than I - I just avoid my mother altogether.) Have a safe trip home!
There must be some universal Mommy Dearest School for Dictatorial Moms and Dads that is attended by so many of our parents. My folks graduated with honors too.
There are people in my family who are like your mom, and I just try to remember this... When we pray for patience, God does not give us patience. He gives us opportunities to be patient and to learn patience.
Those who rail in the face of peace and serenity have deep insecurities I hope never to touch, but I do hope to be a beacon for them. That is my one wish, that those around me would know me to be kind and patient and joyful and loving.
And just for the record, you are a beacon to me of all things patient and joyful and peaceful.
Oh, and Boomer Sooner!
The last time I did Black Friday, it was to get a Furby for my younger daughter.
Remember the Furby?
What an obnoxious little little thing that was. And this one went insane after a few weeks.
Nothing is sweeter than a get-back-to-home STAGE LEFT.
Bless you for having so much understanding of others and yourself. Drive safely and look forward to a lovely Christmas. Season of joy, you know.
Kudos to you for going there anyway. Just don't stay until you're beaten down. Plus, you don't want the guys picking up any bad relational habits...
Amen to that! And kudos for making your own life different.
what is it about mothers and daughters? i've read a lot about it and wish that the fighting would stop. seems that the theory i read that made the most sense is how the daughter spends all of her life trying to cut the umbilical cord and trying to prove she is a person of her own. the mother seems to think that her daughter is an extension of herself and that she needs to shield said daughter from the dangers lieing ahead. over and over i am glad i didn't have children. the love/hate relationship between me and daughter would just kill me. it already does with me and my own mother who, even two states away, made my life miserable. and now, living under the same roof with her, i have fight the symbiosis my mother keeps trying to establish.
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