One Day at a Time

The boys are registered for school, I was productive in my work today, things are all good in my world. 

Better than good.  I keep having blessings piled on.

I woke up to a kind of beauty that I will never get used to.

I got good news today that a friend will probably be able to come and visit us in October. 

I got more good news today when I spoke with my high school friend and learned that her office is just a little way down the street from where I live.  She was very excited to speak with me, invited me to come to church with her on Sunday and said, "I can't WAIT to sing with you again."

I haven't sung in years.  In fact, it's been so long that when I moved here, I packed up all my music and shipped it to my sister who just purchased a new piano.  My thinking was that she was more likely to have use for it that I do. 

You know, I don't want to sound pathetic, but I've been very lonely for a long long time.  I had made myself a promise that when I moved here I would find a real friend.  I had no idea that God had come ahead of me to take care of that.  And I want to be very clear that I do have good friends and I'm grateful for them.  They have been my life-line and sustained me through darker moments than I think many of them realized I was living through.  I credit my friends with saving my life.

But for years, probably since I left Minnesota 8 years ago, my friends have all been at least three states away.  There haven't been people close enough that I could say, "Let's do lunch!"

Have you ever come to a place where the goodness in your life was just so much that you felt your heart break?

Are you all getting tired of me bragging about how happy I am? 

I am, you know.

Happy

*************************************************

In just a few weeks football season starts again.  I haven't bought into any particular pro team, although I must admit that I got a huge kick from Reggie Bush doing a back flip into the end zone last year ... but my college team, my beloved Razorbacks, that's a different story. 

I'm ready.  I have my popcorn, I have my remote control ready, I have the Arkansas Fight Song on my computer ... need a new sound card, but I have a couple of weeks to take care of that ...

There is a huge article on ESPN today about our star player.  Last year DMac was the runner up to the Heisman, and I don't want to jinx him by expressing too much confidence, but I'm hoping he's going to have a better year than last year.  I have reason for this hope, he isn't starting this year with a toe half torn off! 

Go Hogs Go!  Whooooooooo PIG Soooooooooie

What I want ...

... well, thinner thighs and a fatter bank account pop into mind.  Mostly those things are just the automatic answers that float out there all the time.  In truth, I'm experiencing a bone deep contentment with my life right now. 

I love the place I live and I'm gradually setting up to be home. 
I love the school the kids will be attending.
I love the fact that I'm working at something I believe in.
I love the fact that I have a swimming pool and a work out center in this apartment complex.

It was in the pool last night that I realized just how happy I am here.  I had a productive day.  I didn't break my neck or my back but I got a lot done.  I fired up the grill and grilled steaks and chicken (enough for us to have leftovers for dinner tonight).  I made blueberry muffins for the boys. (I'd show you but they ate every one of them already.)  And then after I straightened the kitchen, I put on my swim suit and the boys and I went to play in the pool for an hour. 

Just an hour.  It didn't have to be an all day thing.  It didn't require extreme effort or planning.  We just put on our suits and went.  I swam laps for about 30 minutes.  (And according to Sparkpeople that meant I burnt about 480 Calories, but I'm suspicious of that number, I don't think I was working that hard.  And it doesn't really matter because I'm only tracking calories as a sie note these days.)

I'm trying to get healthier, and while I'd like it best if that healthier me had thinner thighs, I've already noticed some other iomprovements that I'm very pleased with.  My hair is growing back.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have hair again.  I was under so much stress over the past well, about 10 years ... LOL ... that my hair was just getting thinner and thinner.  It was a source of much denial, many jokes, and a few days of added anguish over it's departure.  But it's coming back now.

From the length of the new growth I'm guessing it started in May.  May was significant for three events.  I started taking additional supplements so my nutrition is better.  I made the decision to move so Michael would have access to better schools.  I made the decision that no matter what I'd find a way to earn income to support my little family. 

I'm not sure which of those resulted in the greatest decrease to my stress level, but altogether, they have worked wonders.  Its as though I can feel my blood pressure dropping another point every day.  I'm a happy Momi. 

So what do I want?  Right now, nothing more than another minute and then another and then another living right where I am, doing exactly what I'm doing, and loving my kids up close and personal for as long as they will let me hug 'em and squeeze 'em and tell 'em mushy Momi things. 

Y A W N

My sleep is messed up ... again.

I'm not sure what happened but I'm having a hard time staying asleep all night.  This time my neighbors came home noisily about 2 and that did it.  Their dog started barking.  I'm awake. 

Sigh

Rollin in ...

We're home.  It may be a box-filled, furniture stacked, "where's my stuff" kind of a home at the moment, but it's ours and we're in it. 

The boys and I made it home last night just about 8:30 after almost 13 hours of driving.  And I have to say this, my boys are good travelers.  They settle in to their spot and turn it into a kind of a nest.  They surround themselves with their games, iPods, and Skittles and once they have it arranged to their liking, I pretty much don't even hear a word except for the occasional "I need a rest stop Mom" (invariably spoken when the only rest stop for 19 miles is clearly visible in the rear view mirror.)  But really, that's pretty minor compared to the standard unhappy scene of cross-country driving with kids.

When I got home, I have an email waiting from a cousin who lives here in Albuquerque whom I haven't seen in 20 years, but nonetheless, a cousin.  There is also a street in this town literally named for a distant other cousin of mine who was borderline famous during WWII.  Nothing like having footprints left by other family members to make an unfamiliar place feel a little less intimidating and a little more like a place where I just might learn to belong.  Like I live here, not like an awed tourist.

AND when I called my Arkansas family to check in and let them know that we'd arrived alive, I learned that they'd learned that afternoon that a girl I went to high school with, one who was in my church youth group and made those same trips to New Mexico that stole my heart away and have been drawing me back here for almost 30 years ... Tina now lives in Albuquerque too.  Her family in Arkansas is communicating with my family to exchange our contact information and you can bet I'll be making that contact soon. 

How COOL is that?

Happy sigh.

Oh, and Branson was way cool.  Much more fun that I was expecting to have to be honest.  I have some pictures I'll post later.  

Almost there

I got a late start leaving Albuquerque yesterday. I went by the school that Michael will attend and met with the Spec Ed coordinator. As I described the situation we dealt with last year (in as kind and polite terms I could, I don't want this new person to get the impression that I harbor hostility toward educators) his reactions and comments sounded like the things that I've been saying.

When I told him about the decision to remove michael from Spec Ed last year he said, "But you have a DIAGNOSIS that falls in the list of specifically legislated areas that automatically place a child in Sped Ed. An autistic person's need can't be met without modifications to a system that is designed for average kids with no communications challenge ..."

Hallelujah!

The conversation went on for quite a while with me describing Michael, describing the kinds of accomodations I hoped for, and answering his questions about our past experience. In the end he said, "You will find that New Mexico handles Spec Ed very differently than they do it in Colorado. You're gonna like it here."

AND he said that we would have the first team meeting BEFORE THE SCHOOL YEAR STARTS!!!!

Since Federal Law states that the assessments and meetings must take place within 60 days of a parent notifying the school of a need, I'm used to Colorado's policy of scheduling the meeting on day 59. What a difference!

There are things that are going to require some adjustment here. So far they are all good things and my adjusting has been the need to stop looking at everything like it's too good to be true.

I made it as far as Oklahoma City last night. My car needs new tires, an oil change and a brake job. I simply have not had time to stop and take it in for these repairs. So I rented a car for this trip. (Yeah Thrifty!) I'm driving a Dodge Charger and I have to say that this is fun.

But the seat is higher than I'm used to. My feet dangled for 8 hours yesterday as i made my way east and by the time I reached the hotel my shoes didn't fit anymore. My feet looked like cantaloupes on the ends of my legs. i tried to sleep, but the swelling was painful and the need to visit the restroom was frequent. I'm glad my travel today will be shorter.

According to mapquest, it's only about 5 more hours to Branson. And then I'll be reunited with the boys.

Tucker called yesterday and said, "I miss you mom, are you on your way? I can WAIT to see you again. I want hugs and smooches."

Michael said, "I'm packed. Aunt Cheryl put all my stuff back in my suitcase."

Aunt Cheryl said, "I think I won the gold medal of packing, I'm ready to give lessons."

My sister works in Minneapolis not far from that 35W bridge.  She doesn't routinely drive across it, but still - - -

My heart aches.  We have to take things like bridges, towers, and other modern structures for granted.  Pausing to worry only impedes our ability to live in this day and age.  But when something like this happens, it's not only a horrible tragedy for the families involved, it's also a frightening reminder that we are at the mercy of forces outside our ability to predict.  It shows us that in reaching for bigger, higher, deeper, faster, and more, we increase our vulnerability to those forces. 

I'm leaving in the morning to go get the boys.  There are still more boxes to be unpacked than have been unpacked already.  There are still tasks to be completed.  (Getting new car registration is really complicated - thank you so much Patriot Act).  But I'm ready to have my babies home. 

They are tall enough now that they look down and call me "Little Mama" but they are my babies.  And I miss them. 

I'll be in Oklahoma City tomorrow night, and then I'm meeting the family in Branson, Missouri on Saturday.  We have plans to take in  a couple of shows.  I have high hopes for a trip to the Outlet Mall (I haven't bought new shoes in almost a week).   And we'll be staying at the Carriage Place resort which promises to be a lovely vacation spot all on its own. 

We had considered more strenuous vacation activities, but my brother-in-law was only released from the hospital yesterday after a horrible experience with a stomach ulcer that became infected.  AND my nephew has mono!  Not a happying situation (as Cool Mary would say).

But so what if we have to kick it down a notch and do a leisurely type vacation.  There's no rule that says we can't have that kind of a time. 

Right?

Mostly, I just want my babies back.  It's been a long long summer, and I'm ready to have them home.  (Not to mention that I'm planning that they will help me finish this unpacking!)

Lean on Me

Cool Mary left this morning.  She made sure that all as much as possible could be done to get my home unpacked and set up first, and ALL the two person jobs are done.  I got a little choked up saying goodbye.  But it was a good thing.  She reminded me that best friends do this kind of thing for each other.  (And bring Snickers!)

She also told me that Virginia is only a plane ticket away and if I need her she can be here in 24 hours.

How Cool is That?

I keep learning this lesson over and over and over.  I think I've gotten it and then my friends show me that I don't really understand what it means to lean on another person.  It's still a struggle to admit that I might need help, much less ask for it.  I don't ever want to take advantage, or abuse the generosity of people who care about me and the boys.  I'm grateful and humbled by how very loved we are and how blessed we are to have the friends we do. 

Thank you

Thank you Kelly for helping me pack.  Thank you Eliza for cleaning and packing and Red Robin mushroom burgers.  Thank you Anne for opening your home and treating us as honored guests.  Thank you Kevin for exceptional use of a crescent wrench.  Thank you Nicole, Lacy, and Natasha for incredible moral support from afar ... Thank you Mom and Dad and Cheryl for taking care of the boys while I've been packing and moving.  Thank you Steve, Matt, and Andrea for flexibility that's allowing me to work from home. 

You know, I make a joke every now and then that I play the part of a "cast of thousands" because I wear so many hats.  But it's very humbling to see that the joke is very gently on me.  I am surrounded by a real life cast of thousands. 

OKay, I'm having a moment now where I'm getting all choked up again.  So I'm gonna stop this before it gets to be any more like one of those embarrassing acceptance speeches. 

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you WON’T let show

you just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that YOU’LL understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For ,it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on


YA just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that YOU’LL understand
We all need somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me
call me (if you need a friend)
call me (call me)
call me (if you need a friend)
call me (if you ever need a friend)
call me (call me)
call me (call me)
call me (call me)
call me (call me)
call me (if you need A friend)
call me (call me)
call me (call me)
call me (call me)
call me (call me)
call me