Sunday Morning

I'm bad.

I'm rested.

I woke up this morning at 4:30, but the spirit of laziness taking care of my needs as opposed to doing what I think I SHOULD do has come to rest heavy in my house on weekends. I went BACK to bed, AND back to SLEEP. I am of the theory (when it applies to anyone else) that if you can sleep you should sleep because you obviously need it.

I recognize that by most rational standards, I've been sleep deprived for years, averaging way below normal hours of rest per night. But I appear to be making up for it now. I'm not altogether comfortable with this, but I'm allowing it. Even though I'm sitting here groggy eyed and typing a blog instead of driving to church because I can stand the rest.

So how about you? Is anyone else out there undergoing a seasonal, or life change that has you doing things differently than you've done before?

I have not done much of anything today. 

Last night the boys and I went out to Mr Biggs for the Bigg Idol contest, bunch of teens competing a la America Idol for a $2000 scholarship.  It was a lot of fun. 

The kids and I took a break about half way through the show to go get a cheeseburger and bowl a game in the bowling alley - that's my fantasy of how I'll spend my lunch breaks on days when I might not have to pick up Tucker from school. 

Since the bowling alley is right on the other side of the wall from my office, there are afternoons when it seems just WRONG that I should be working when I can hear other people having fun.  I do like it that my very serious office is in a building painted with yellow and lavendar trim. 

but it was a good week, and it ended well, and I'm having an ultra-lazy day.  Sweats, fuzzy socks, and comfort foods.  (Potato soup for lunch, baked chicken for dinner)

and i SLEPT last night.  Slept in WAY past 5 this morning.  Late enough that my best friend was starting to get worried  because I hadn't responded to text messages (The last text read: "The freaking out will now begin...") so I got the phone call at 7ish ...

That's the problem with having a habit that you never break.  When you DO break it, people notice. 

Anyway, I would never purposely worry anyone, but it makes me feel loved and all squishy inside to know that I can inspire a bit of panic. 

Better?

We have a new COO.  My meeting today was with him.  We talked about who I am, where I'm coming from, and what kinds of things I bring to this organization.  He spent a lot of time asking me about my personal situation and said that at the end of the road, my most valuable function will be as the "bullshit detector." 

Because of all the people in this organization, I'm the only one who has been where our clients are.  (which is what I understood about myself from the beginning and I'm thrilled that he see it that way too.)

At the end of our time we still hadn't talked about my salary.  And we needed to go, there was another meeting scheduled.  But I was .. assertive.  I told him there was one more thing I needed to talk to him about.  And that's how much I'm being paid. 

He nodded and asked me how much I AM being paid.  When I told him, he was visibly shocked.  He said, "I'm not at all comfortable with that."

Oh thank GOD.  I'm not comfortable with it either!  So he told me that whether I'm an Independent Contractor or an Employee there will be a raise.  I don't know how much he's thinking, but I'm hopeful that we can come to some kind of arrangement that will get me off the rolls of the "working poor."

Oh, and he invited me to bring the boys out tonight because there's a big shin-dig going on in the events center that they might like, and he'd like to meet them. 

You wanna get to THIS Momma's heart, be nice to my kids. 

Getting Straight

We changed Tucker's meds yesterday.  We were trying him on this different med that ramps up a little slower in the morning but was supposed to last later in the evening.  And I started getting notes from the teacher about how he was doing things like telling her that it was against his religion to make predictions (in reading comprehension class).  I didn't ask him what he'd converted to, I was kind of afraid to know.  And he was reporting on the other kids "can you believe it mom, they all glued their things in straight lines as though that was the best way to do anything."  I guess we can't have any of those straight line issues ...

So we're back to the medicine that seems to get him through his day with fewer interesting stories. 

I have this issue when things get a little stressful, with not sleeping.  It's not uncommon to find me surfing the net at 2 am because I still haven't been able to fall asleep and then find me back up and at it by 4:30 because I'm wide awake already.  Although, if you're finding me there, it's not just ME who has a problem now is it ...

But I have discovered something wonderful.  For a while I kept getting the name wrong and I was telling people that minoxidil was helping me sleep better.  I'm sure that if my thinning hair would stay on my head, my stress would be reduced, but no, that wasn't the trick.

It's Melatonin.  See?  Similar word, starts with an M and has some vowels.  Also an "l" and "n" randomly thrown in to create more of an allusion to the word that kept coming from my mouth.  A mistake anyone could make.  (I'll tell you the rest of that story, I just googled to make sure I was spelling minoxidil right and that was when I learned that it was the same as Rogaine, up until that very moment, I kept thinking that it was Yeast Infection medication.)

Michael's doctor recommended we try melatonin because he (Michael, not the doctor) also has trouble sleeping.  So M gets it every night, and I  take it when i need it.  I took it last night, just in case.  And that stuff is awesome.  I have to RUN to get in bed after I swallow it to prevent the embarrassment of waking in strange places (hallway),  when I wake up, I don't have a fuzzy head, or grogginess.  AND best of all - the stuff is CHEAP.  I get it at Walmart for $3.47 a bottle of 120 tablets.  That's a lot of good sleeping.

This blog has been brought to you by another favorite saying of my best friend ... Better living through chemistry.

Whadda Ya Gonna Do?

That's what my best friend says.  It's a lovely catch all phrase with just the right amount of humor, resignation, and possibility that maybe this time something will be done, even if it's me that's doing it. 

The way I see it I don't have that many choices. 

1. Find a second job to supplement my income.
2. Find a different job that will pay me a living wage.
3. Ask the boss to increase my salary.
4. Stop eating. 

My best friend also assures me that I'm not a drama queen.  What I'd like is a drama free life where I happily do my job, happily cash my paycheck, and happily pay my bills with some left over. 

well, and if you want to see me totally ecstatic, I'd also like opportunity to spend lazy afternoons with my best friend, I'd prefer that we be sipping exotic drinks with umbrellas on a beach somewhere, but I'd be happy just hanging out at home too.  I'd like to get a publisher interested in my novel.  And I'd like to have a house.  Doesn't have to be a big house, in fact I'd prefer a not so big house.  I just want a place of my own that I can't lose through divorce, or because they raised the rent beyond my reach. 

There's my list. 

Thank God I was able to create Terrisday to start my week.  I've needed that foundation to deal with all the schtuff that's been coming down the pike. 

I'm not a drama queen (And if I say it often enough, maybe I'll start to believe that ...)

I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow and I'm rather pessimistic about the whole thing.  He wants to change my status from Independent Contractor to W-2 Employee.  And on the surface that's a lovely thing.  There's the shiny promise of health insurance and I'd split my tax burden.  But ... without a pay increase, and I mean a significant pay increase, I can't afford the withholdings.  My rent alone is over 60% of my gross income.  Reduce that by much and I'll be living in a lovely home with no heat. 

I know that my best friend would say that I'm not a whiner, I know this because I already heard those very words when we were talking about my options.  But, I know in my heart that I have a huge load of resentment toward all the circumstances that seem determined to keep me in this place of struggling and struggling. 

The irony of all this is I just finished the book on Financial Literacy.  It was written to help other people in similar circumstances to mine get a handle on managing their money.  And I won't make a dime off the project, and unless things change and soon, I'll be living off my savings again. 

Dammit.

Productivity

I like being productive - I mean I REALLY like it.  I like coming to the end of the day and seeing that I accomplished something. 

It's been a formality that on Fridays we submit an End of Week summary that details the high points of projects we're working on.  What we completed, what we're in the midst of, and what are our priority items for the next week. 

I started this week doing an End of Day summary for my private notes, and its awesome.  I am just stinking cool, you know?  I love looking at that list and seeing in a snapshot where I am and just how much I'm getting done. 

On the personal side, I am ready for NaNo.  Really ready.  I have my book outlined - working title, "Postcards: The Novel" - 20 chapters worth of story that I'm sure you won't be able to put down.  And I'm seeing for the first time the wisdom of the concept that the art of writing is deciding what to leave out.  in previous NaNo's, I was so bogged down in trying to decide what the character would be doing next that I couldn't get my head far enough up to have that umbrella vision of the whole project.  I am LOVING the structure that "Frist Draft in 30 Days" has brought to my writing plan.  (Thanks Mary for introducing me to this book)

Now we'll just have to see whether I still love it 15 days into the month at the point where I generally wake up with the knowledge that I'm working on the dumbest idea I've ever had and that I'd be SO much better off if I would just scrap it and start over with a whole different plan - immediately. 

The NaNo team this year is looking good.  We have newcomers and old hands.  We have boys and girls.  Sane people and insane people.  It's gonna be good.  My brother has encouraged several of his students to participate in NaNo and they are already engaged in the argument over whether it's cheating to start a day or two before November 1.  (I believe that there's one person involved who claims already to have written 10,000 words which is clearly cheating.  And I want to make it perfectly clear that the 6,000 words of my outline are NOT cheating, because it's just an outline.  not the story itself ... so there.)

It's not too late for you to join the circle.  I'm already preparing the email support I'll be sending to my fellow WriMos.  It's not the same as if I came to your house and made dinner for your kids, but at least it keeps you from feeling so alone as you toil through to 50,000.  If you want to be on my list, just please send me a quick email to quiltnmomi@hotmail.com. 

I have a stack of material gleaned from the Iowa Summer Writer's workshop (or billboards I passed driving to Iowa City) that I'll be sharing.  Bits of wisdom to encourage you.  Bits of humor to provoke that gag reflex that reminds you you're alive.  Bits of panic to let you know that I TOO am feeling the pressure. 

For me, this little circle is of tremendous importance.  And all I can say is, "I wish you were here."

Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is to go where they can find you.
Winnie the Pooh

Good Eatin'

I want to be a good mom, and a good homemaker and all that stuff.  So one of the things I notice sometimes is that I've fallen into a rut, cooking the same things over and over.  In an attempt to put some variety in our lives, tonight I changed things up a bit.  We had baked fish, english peas, and hominy casserole. 

Tucker wasn't too sure about the hominy casserole.  I tried to interest him by telling him that hominy is a Native American food.  Usually that's enough to get him to at least try it. 

Tonight he looked at me disbelieving.  "Mom, In a casserole?!? Native American's didn't have chips, cheese, or anything that came from a can." 

Hominy Casserole

2 cans of hominy
1 can cr of mushroom soup
1 can mushroom pieces and stems
1 can rotel tomato/chile blend
Velveeta Mexican Cheese
Crunched up Fritos

mix up first three in casserole dish, top w tomatoes, then slices of cheese, and finally crunched up fritos - bake at 350 until cheese is melted and bubbly (or until you get tired of waiting)

Pre-empting Monday

Okay, Mondays have not been the best days of my week lately.  SO I have a new plan.  I will pre-empt Monday.  I've decided that due to popular dislike of the day, there will be no Monday this week.  I'm starting off with a whole new day.  One that I shall call ... Terday  Terrisday.  In honor of the fact that it was my idea. 

On Terday Terrisday, the number one rule is that everyone has to be nice to me.  Even if I'm a brat.  Even if I'm wandering around in a daze like I don't know which excuse to offer.  Even if your issue has nothing to do with me.  There will be no harshing on my mellow self because it's Terday Terrisday. 

Quote of the Day:

"It's more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long and difficult words, but rather short, easy words like, "What about lunch?" " Winnie the Pooh

HEH - I love Bill.  And I love the direction he went.  Wanna play?  What would YOUR day look like?  Would we all have to wear your favorite color?  Maybe you'd be the only one allowed to wear that color on your day.  What would your day be called?  Do you want a day of the week?  a month?  if you could have a monument of time, what would you choose? 

Timing and other oddities -

I wouldn't say that my timing is great.  Come to think of it, I wouldn't say that GOD's timing is really great.  Of course, I don't think of God as being subject to time, so I suppose the fact that God arranges things that pertain to me to happen in my lifetime is much more of a miracle that it at first would appear. 

If I were God, I'm sorry, but I already know that I'd be off creating stars or painting sunsets and suddenly remember, "Oh YEAH, I was planning to bless so-and-so ... what time is it?" And the angel of the watch would have to inform me, "It's about three earth centuries past so-and-so's lifetime."

Time has never been allowed a high place of importance in my life, which explains why I'm habitually either very early or very late and equally unconcerned no matter which side of the hour I'm on. 

Anyway, time has slipped away from me over the past several days.  But I want to mention that I love hearing from people who got my book.  Thank you for your comments on the poems. 

And I have to tell you that I received two packages that are awesome.  Xangan's Zincwhiskers and Liz_A are awesome craftswomen.  They each sent me gifts that I love.  I would love these things no matter what because they are beauiful, but the fact that they were especially made and chosen for me is both humbling and awesome.   

For now anyway, it looks like I'll be keeping my job.  (yeah!)  So I'll be entering NaNo with the challenge of full-time work for the first-time.  It's a bit humbling to look back and realize that most of the way that I've been able to "win" the challenge has been that I've had TIME to do it.  But Faith reminded me that first and foremost, NaNo is about the challenge of making a priority of working on our craft.  So I'm getting ready with my charts, diagrams, worksheets and plot outlines, but I'm planning my Novenber days around something that seems a foreign concept, organizing my time. 

It will be an adventure!

High Noon

Remember Shanghai Noon?  At the end when Owen Wilson thinks that he's favored of God because he hasn't been hit by any of the bullets fired in his direction?  That's me today.

The transportation coordinator interrupted me in mid request this morning to say, no problem, Michael can stay on the bus he's been riding. 

Things are going well ... better ... at work.

Tucker broke a tooth at school, I got him an appointment this afternoon, but I knew that if I couldn't find the insurance info I'd have to pay cash on the spot.  I didn't find it.  So I took him to dentist stressing all the way and at the critical moment, Tim called me back with the numbers I needed for the claim.

Oh yeah, I'm invincible.  SO if you'll excuse me, there's a pond I've been meaning to walk across, and I'm thinking now is the time to do it.