August 7, 2006
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Honor
Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. - Ephesians 6:1-2
It's been a long while since I did "Bible Study" here and I'm not sure how much study will come out even today, but I've been thinking about the above verse (and it's antecedent in the Decalogue). I got there in a round about way. Thoughts of missing my boys and wondering what they think about me and the life we have. A chance comment by a friend on the difficulty of relationships with parents. And the memory of a friend from way years ago.
I'd like to tell you a little about my friend, he grew up in a home that was so abusive that he ran away to protect his life. Eventually, he found his way in the system and was placed in a foster home. Things have never been easy for him, but he has a sincere desire to be a godly man and this issue of honoring your father and mother was a serious obstacle for him. How do you honor people who never did anything to deserve your respect or love? We had many enlightening conversations on the topic and I'd like to share a little of what I learned from DG.
At the root, honoring your parents means to love the life they gave you. He and I were both born in a time before legal abortion and can only imagine that this principle is even stronger in a world of so much choice. They didn't have to give us life, but they did. And even if we don't know them, if we care for that life and live it to our best ability, we honor them.
Honor is not the same as respect or love. When DG first encountered those verses he thought they meant he had to give his love and affection to his parents and this was clearly an impossible goal. In fact, for a long time his daily goal was to reach a level of forgiveness that allowed him an escape from bitterness.
Honor doesn't have to be expressed directly to the people in question in order to "count". One of the ways that DG has shown honor has been to the role of Father. He has (oh man I'm afraid I'm going to miscount here ... 9? children of his own now.) He spends time with his kids, loves his kids, disciplines his kids, and has the relationship with each of his kids that he wishes his parents had cared to develop with him.
When I think about my kids, I hope that they do feel love and respect for me. I hope that they are motivated to honor me. But that's their responsibility. Most of all I hope that I am the kind of mother who motivates them to want to honor me. As a mother I can either make it easy for them to keep this command, or I can make it hard. I pray that I make it easy.
It's nine more days til my babies are home. Of course, they aren't really babies anymore. And if I want them to honor me, I guess I'd better remember that!
I've spent a great deal of my time and effort this summer preparing our home. Yesterday, I was able to email them photos of their new rooms. And I called them so I could hear their reactions when they saw the results of my work.
Michael was surprised by how big his bed was. Tucker was thrilled to have the exact one he asked for. And then Tucker said, "Oh, my ... I'll bet she spent a lot of money!" His Aunt Cheryl had a conversation with him about how the money was my responsibility and not his. He's the kid in this relationship.
That's my next parenting task. I need to help him understand that he can trust me to make decisions that are in all our best interest given the information I have at the time. (I want that little disclaimer because it's also time for him to know that I don't know everything and I'm going to make some less than perfect choices from time to time because that's the nature of being a human Mom.)
So ya wanna see their rooms? I feel a need to show them off now because I'm pretty sure that once they get home they won't look like this for long ...
Michael's room with "Captain's Bed"
Tucker's Room with "Couch Bed
And because I LOVE this room, my living room with my new sofa ...
Another view because I love the big blue chair... I love my house. So ya wanna come visit? Come on down and set a spell.
Comments (14)
Honor thy father and your brother that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth. How I learned this commandment. Love your house! Especially the kid's rooms.
Wow you've given me a lot to think about here. Beautifully stated, as always.
Your house is lovely. It looks so cosy and tidy.
I'm recocorating Tim's room while he's away at cadet camp. Only it's going to be a total surprise for him. I haven't said a word any time that he's called. I can't post pictures yet, because I'm still waiting for a couple of posters that I ordered for him. The poster frames are sitting empty at the moment.
The best way my kids can bring me honor is by living good lives...and when I live honestly I honor my parents. DB is right on by being a great father himself.
This made me laugh: I'm pretty sure that once they get home they won't look like this for long ... Their rooms are so cute! And your home is so inviting.
I just got out my map.....we'll be driving through Wyoming and Denver looks like it's a ways from I-80.
OMG so nice. So civilized. SO tidy! You are right, the kids' rooms aren't going to look quite so photogenic after they get back!
For me, it was a big day when I realized honoring my parents had nothing to do with how much/little I agreed with them. I had a pretty good childhood, but I did see a big difference between my pastor dad in the pulpit and the one at home. Sooooooo, I had a few issues to work through...
Nice rooms. Will there be before and after pictures? *smile*
Very very cool post...and thank you for your kind and sweet comments about my posts about the twins' coming home. Someone actually did ask me to write a series of magazine articles about that. I've gotten about halfway through and had to stop for lack of time. And it's a little scary, ya know? How much do you share?
I wanna come visit!!! When, when, when????
You know what? I just noticed your comment on an old blog of mine...the one about my parental unit.
Posted 7/31/2006 at 12:53 PM by quiltnmomi - delete - block user
THANK YOU !
The boys are going to love those rooms. I am sooooo happy for you to have such a nice place. I must say I have missed the way it all came about, your move, and haven't enough time to go back and read the older posts to get the details. Still, I am thrilled! And yes, I'd really like to come 'set a spell'. Maybe on my way to Lisa's (Gourdgeous) when I plan that trip! She has mentioned our coming out to Cali to see her and go to Yosemite and Sequoia. I really do hope to make that happen in about a year.
Anyway, the honoring of my parents wasn't as difficult a task for me as some have it, though my dad gave a bit of a challenge, being an alcoholic. My dear mother was a jewel and honoring, respecting and loving her was never a chore. My dad had a much better later life than the earlier portion, so I choose to dwell on those times more so as I recall his life. Either way, I can find things within myself and my siblings that I admire and appreciate from both our parents. I do fret at times about my own children and whether or not they do (or ought to) honor me. I feel I fall so far short of the example my mother gave to me. I had a lengthy discussion, tears included, with Shawn just last evening about this. I feel I've failed, though I tried so terribly hard, to raise kids that trust God and serve Him (as well as being responsible, capable adults). I counted on the scripture about 'train a child in the way it should go and when it is old it will not depart from it.' Still, none of my three grown kids are following Him at this point. Once they were able to choose to attend services or not, they chose to not... sigh I appreciate what you wrote here: "When I think about my kids, I hope that they do feel love and respect for me. I hope that they are motivated to honor me. But that's their responsibility." I do think they respect me, and honor me, I guess. They just seem to not see the importance of the walk of faith in their own lives for now.
Thank you. It was a great entry and I always have enjoyed your bible study blogs.
Have a super week gf.
Deb
OH! I forgot to tell you that I appreciated your comments on my freedom of religion bumper sticker entry. I agree with what you said and my own thoughts are there now as an update to the original entry. To nbe honest, your comments seemed to be going more closely along the same line of thought as my own when I posted the request for other's thoughts.
I absolutely agree that only when it's a free choice, does one's practicing it mean anything. That's the very reason God does not make us choose Him, but offers the free gift of salvation to 'all who will'. Free will also makes it possible for my own offspring to choose to not attend services or claim their faith, but once they do choose this, it will mean the world to them... and to me.
hugs,
Deb
I found I could honour my mother despite her parental shortcomings, it was a great relief.
oh my goodness, terri! i love your apartment! and you're right about the sunlight. i'd be following the sunny patches around the room like an old cat come winter.
it's all going to be okay. you know that i'm sure. but it's hard to believe it sometimes, i'm equally sure. your kids? they'll respect and honour you. sure there'll be "moments" but...when they're older and doing things for themselves, it'll all come to light for them.
Your place is really pretty. You should be so proud of youself. You are doing what most women don't have the guts to do YOU ARE ON YOUR ON AND MAKING MIGHTY WELL!!!! I think you should give yourself a huge pat on the back!!!!
Shelly
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