July 20, 2006

  • Thank You

    Thank you all for your support. I did finish my project and I turned it in today.

    The past several years of my life have been both horrifying and beautiful. There are times that have been so bleak that the only way I was able to get out of bed was because I HAD to. And days that were so incredibly awesome that it was like being drunk on life.

    When I sat down to complete my project for this class, I was to write my story as a series of postcards. I started it by addressing the postcards to my mother. This is not because my mom doesn't already know (most) of my story, but because the subtext of this project is the issues of middle life and these are topics that I would love to be able to discuss with her.

    On the other hand, many parts of my story are well, pathetic. I shared the postcards with Cool Mary today and she said that it's hard to imagine that I could be happy that she came back into my life. Since she began reasserting influence upon me my marriage is broken up, I've been homeless, I'm poverty stricken, and at various times I lose control of myself and eat like a pig (you should have seen me at dinner - on second thought, never mind that, just trust me that it wasn't pretty.)

    Let me be clear that I don't hold Cool Mary in any way responsible for the condition of my life today. She has been nothing but supportive and helpful as I've tried to find my way.

    Now, the other side of this is that I do HAVE a story to tell. But to whom should I tell it?

    Yes, my marriage had problems severe enough to end it. That was extremely painful to me, and to my ex-husband. I'm still in recovery from some of those problems. Do I have the right to publish that?

    So here's the deal. I sort of told my story, but I fictionalized it. I put things out of order, I made up characters to play minor parts in the story. I glossed over some parts. And I wrapped it up neatly.

    I turned in my project today, and we'll see what the instructor has to say. I will read it to my class tomorrow for feedback. And I gotta tell you that's a serious issue. The first projects were presented today and they were incredible. If I'd had any kind of smarts at all I'd have wrestled for a place at the front of the line so I wouldn't have to follow these brilliant acts.

    Whew

Comments (7)

  • Ok, to your obvious delusions of inadequacy, I say pfft!  I haven't been reading just your BLOG for very long but I know just from that that you are a very gifted user of language.  I can't even imagine what something that you planned out and worked out would look like. 

    What you disseminate about your life is your business.  I can tell you that I've been inspired by reading about your life on this blog.  I think the "ugliness" (for want of a better word) of our lives is worst from our own viewpoints and not necessarily visible from others'.  My hubby always calls mine "Lori-vision" and says it's not replicated by anything in reality.

    I'll be interested to hear the outcome of this!

  • Dear Mom, Having a wonderful time, wish you were here. And that is bullshit because I adore you but you don't know how much I adore you. You don't know how I honor you by trying to be what you want me to be. Do you like this smile? Shall it be my only face? Wouldn't it be funny if you Mom didn't really give a darn about what I became? What if underneath it all you just wanted me to be happy! Yes, happy is a word I know Mom. What I really would like to know Mom, is are you happy, really happy? Do you expect as much happiness for yourself as you expect from me? Oh, the weather is terrible here, hot a hades. Hope soon, Your loving daughter.

  • Good luck with your project! <3 I've been reading your Xanga off and on, and if your writing is anything like your entries here, I'm positive that everything will be just peachy. =D

    Rach.

  • *thumbs up*  Of all of what's told and not told, healing is the most important thing, I believe.  I feel the past should rest... there is nothing to be done to change it, right?  There is only today.  FYI, I believe we all have horrific parts to our lives ~ only some have the insight to know it, though.   The post card idea is a neat one... writing letters we'll never deliver to others is automatically a different angle for us to take/see.  Remember that his grade is only a tiny fraction of the real score for your project.

    Do you read Prufrock on Xanga?  Sometimes, he truly journals in normal language, but usually, he writes in the most intriguing manner.  He's almost always vague, with obscure metaphors, but lots of detail.  I don't know quite how to describe it, but the point I am making is it's well-written and interesting, but universal enough for each individual reader to translate as part of their own life, rather than his.  I don't read him a lot lately, so I am not sure what he's written recently, but page back a little and check out his stuff.

  • Update: Prufrock has a new job he's had since April and his muse seems mostly at work or on the day to day stuff at work.  If you go to that lil pull down calendar, enter March 4 or before, heh.

  • I could see myself wishing for a place at the front of the line, too, so I totally understand that one!    Congrats on completion....I knew you could do it.

  • Screw the instructor. You told YOUR story your way.

    That shipmate, is ALL that counts.

    Truth always.

    Sail on... sail on!!!

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment