July 10, 2006

  • Because of You ...


    We are required at work to have the radio on, and we are required to have it set on a particular easy-listening station.  I'm tempted to tell my current employers that it's this policy that is forcing me to leave them, except that as irritating as it is, it's really less than 10% of the irritation I have with this company.


    But this radio station has a predisposition to play songs that just grate on my nerves.  "The Wreck of the Edmond Ftzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot - GL has so many WONDERFUL songs they could choose from, but no, they play this one.  "At Seventeen" by whatzerface.  Lord, can you get more depressing!  And several times a day, they play Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You."


    At first I had the thoughts that I'm sure she was hoping to inspire.  I looked at my kids and my relationship with them and questioned whether I've made good decisions.  I wondered how they will be impacted as adults by the lessons they are learning from me now.  I thought of my own parents and the things they taught me for good and bad. 


    And then I thought, yeah that's right.  My parents taught me some things that have held me back and contributed to self-defeating behavior.  But being a grown-up means facing those things, making decisions about how I'm going to act, and then acting in accord with my desire to be a healthy person rather than reacting to situations as I've been "programmed."


    So I was having this conversation with my sister, and explaining how I feel about this whole grow up and stop blaming your parents thing.  And I said a bad word.  Unbeknownst to me my mom had picked up the other phone and heard me.  It was a prime moment for me to either fall back into old patterns of placating, or just say, well, yes I said it.  No, I didn't intend you to hear it.  But oh well. 


    A few years ago such a situation would have led to major drama, angst and hand-wringing at the least.  Having my mother upset with me has been known to cause me to throw up for days.  But this time, I figure she owes maybe a dollar to my therapy jar, cause the amount of disturbance was minimal.  A couple minutes of "you aren't a bad person because you occasionally choose to use bad words," and I'm good to go.


    (And let me be clear that the change here was on my side, my Mom still is my Mom.)


    See how easy that is?  And it only took me 43 years ...


     


     


     

Comments (9)

  • Well said!

    I never did get past the "what would my mother think of this" phase before she passed away, and I too, am 43. (I didn't know that we're the same age.)

    As with everything that you write, this was very well thought out, and well stated, but I do have to thank you for getting that God-awful song stuck in my head. Ack! Kelly Clarkson makes me gag. Oh and I agree with you 100% about GL. That is my least favorite of his songs.

  • How right you are re Gordie!

  • Only 43 years??  You're doing much better than many.

    I always have to say when reading things like this, that I feel my own mother was near saintly and I had little to overcome.  I can only hope to do half as well with continuing to show my adult kids how things should go and I feel I fell pretty far short of the mark while they were at home with me... sigh...

    Still, I am painfully aware of many people who have not yet come to grips with what you're able to do now and they are your senior by many years.  My guess is that they will never get there.  A main reason would have to be the inability to realize there is even a problem with the interactions within the familial relationships.  As always (when I actually have time to stop by and read) you've made a great point and put thoughts together with style... YOUR style.  I hope to get by more often, but things are a bit fast-paced of late.

    Take care...

    Hugs and prayers,

    Debbie

  • Parents have, in my opinion, about as much power as we give to them. Hey, how about a song entitled at 43! Bet the gal who did at seventeen is about 43 now too.

  • go to this site and see janice Ian with grey hair.

    Oh, she is also up for a Grammy Award, does that mean she is a grandmother????

  • LOL! Well, I had a serious hate on for my parents when I was a kid and on into my twenties. I guess everybody's parents do things that are not what you'd call perfect. But it is true that at some point in my thirties I woke up and realized that they are just very nice regular people who had some trouble raising the hell-creature known as me! *giggle* Now we get along soooo well.

    I wouldn't want them to overhear me talking about my childhood though. It's a topic we never discuss, even today! But we're not fussing and fuming and keeping a huge lid on it or anything. It's relaxed.

  • A great step no matter how long it took. Good for you!!! Mike

  • Someone please tell me why mothers do this to us????

    I have said so many bad things about my mother throughout the years to
    friends but I just can't bring myself to tell her to her face. 

    She drives me nuts.  And I let her.

    Don't let men tell you that you just have to... they don't understand how emotional the bond is between women particularly between mothers and daughters.

  • It's my Dad I had issues with. Maybe it's a matter of parent of the same sex? But hey, I like Kelly Clarkson.

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