1. I admitted that I am powerless over Brownies and my craving has become unmanageable.
2. I came to believe that a Brownie greater than myself could restore me to sanity.
3. I made a decision to turn my will over to the Brownie as I understand Brownies.
4. I made a fearless and searching inventory of the pantry.
5. I admitted to the Brownie and myself the exact nature of my ingredients.
6. I became entirely ready for the Brownie to emerge from these ingredients.
7. I humbly asked the Brownie to remove the shortening (although the will of the Brownie, not mine be done and if the Brownie says shortening, then shortening it will be.)
8. I made a list of all the people I have better taste than to invite over for lunch.
9. I steered far clear of these people so as not to be forced to share my Brownies.
10. I continued to take inventory and whenever I found the right ingedients I promptly baked them.
11. I sought through prayer and meditation to become one with the Brownie praying only for the knowledge of the Brownie's many varietals and the power to bring them about.
12. Having reached enlightenment and Browniedom through these Steps, I have committed myself to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all my affairs.

And - then the Brownie said let there be ice cream and there was ice cream ... And the Brownie saw that it was Ben and Jerry's and said that it was good.  And then the Brownie rested.

 

Breathe Breathe
Pray Pray
Be Kind
Don't Grab

It's been a while since I listed my blessings.  I'm thinking about my blessings because I'm thinking about the words I've typed above.  Breathe, Pray, Be Kind, Don't Grab ... These words are on a small card that I've taped beside my mirror.  I remember a time when I lived by a lot of rules, a lot of complicated rules that governed my behavior and made me feel beatific. 

These days I'm living by fewer rules and paradoxically my life has grown larger as a result.  I'm happier.  And I want to express my appreciation for the happiest moments.  The boys and I have been doing that formally, on Sunday afternoons when we have our family meeting (we tried doing it twice a week, but most weeks we discover that after work and school we barely like ourselves, much less each other and as quickly as we can after dinner, homework, baths, bedtime stories and the mandatory attempt to rob me of the last shred of my sanity we part with relief to our separate corners of the apartment.)  But on Sunday afternoons we come together and tell each other things that we like about each other and about the fact that we are a family together and it's good.

Today was not a good day at work.  I'm tired and burnt out and the person at the top of our corporate ladder has achieved new heights in the area of draconian micromanagement.  In addition to the handing down of rules that make it harder to do my job, we received an email today informing us that Memorial Day has been cancelled.  We have had the schedule of paid holidays posted since December.  Memorial Day is the first day of the six we were promised and many of us have made plans, some people have gone so far as to invite people over for barbeque or purchase plane tickets.  Today we found out that the company has decided that the holiday will be cancelled and we will be open for business as usual.

I'm not sure who let the cat out of the bag, but our CEO got wind that there was a holiday on the books and that was the end of the party. 

Which brings me back to blessings.  See, sometimes things are really that bad.  My mood is that foul and my outlook is that bleak, I must stop where I am and start naming things that bless me or I will have no choice but to say naughty things and perform strangely satisfying acts of corporate sabotage

Steps up to Microphone

<Ahem>

The List of Terri's Blessings

My Best Friend - can I brag?  I have absolutely AWESOME friends.  I don't deserve 'em.  I'm not sure why they put up with me. And I'm neurotic enough that in the end, I don't really care that I don't deserve 'em - I'm keeping 'em and that's that. 

Ringtones - I love ringtones.  I love that I have a phone that does a different ring for everyone who regularly calls me.  My best friend's tone is Sarah MacLachlan singing "Your Love is Better than Ice Cream."  This afternoon, in the blackest part of my irritability my pocket started singing that song.  And I knew that I was getting that call because I'd already sent a text explaining that (to use theologically correct terminology) my day sucked.  But as soon as I hear "Ice Cream" I'm smiling.  So by the time I answer the phone I'm halfway back up to cheerful.  And then hearing the voice of the person who knows me better than anyone AND loves me better than anyone, well, what bad day can top that?

Ice Cream - Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey - I rest my case.

Pajamas - I'm convinced that if Adam and Eve had skipped the attempt at figly fashion and been willing to settle for pajamas they wouldn't have been embarrassed to be seen by God and much ugliness through history could have been avoided.  If I could go to work in my pajamas, I'd be a happy woman no matter what the corporate people said.  How seriously can you take yourself or anyone else while you're wearing pajamas?  Mine tonight are capri pants, white with a print of tropical flowers and pineapples.  The top is mint green edged in lacy stitching and they have a happy blue daisy embroidered on the pocket. 

Thong Underwear - somedays wearing a thong makes me feel sexy, some days it makes me feel silly, and some days it's just irritating, but wearing a thong makes me feel things.  It makes me leave off the navel gazing for a moment because even I realize how absurd it is to know that in spite of the fact that I'm starting to look like someones soft round grandmother, I am wearing a thong. 

Books on CD

Mary Kay Satin Hands treatment which is a fabulous thing to do for your feet.

Bubble baths

Blowing bubbles in the warm afternoon sun

Laugh lines

The smell of coffee

Yahoo Literati - in fact, I think I have enough energy to play a round and maybe even win.  That would be another blessing to add to the list, right?

May the sight of something absurdly wonderful take you by surprise, make you smile, and give you a moment of peace in the midst of your evening.

 

 

 

 

Kids Eat Free

on Teusday nights in Colorado Springs there are a dozen or more restaurants where kids eat free.  It may be one of the best perks of living here!  My boss emailed me earlier to let me know I should add the Black-Eyed Pea to the list.  We haven't been there before and I'm trying to decide whether to splurge and check it out. 

Although, right at the moment they are kind of acting like hungry heathen and it might be safer to just toss a sandwich at them and hope I don't get bitten.

Happy Sigh - I love my kids.

I also love that every day that passes brings me one day closer to the next phase of our life.  In anticipation of becoming a full-time student, I have given my notice at work (for the end of July, but why wait til the last minute, right?)  I will still need at least a part time job this fall, but things are looking really good about now. 

We have our eye on a new apartment, one that will have a balcony or patio or some kind of outdoor option.  Tucker said to me the other day that he can't wait til we move so we can sit outside in together in the evening and read.  Okay, actually he said, "We'll sit outside and you can read to me while I enjoy the breeze."  I love that kid.

Tomorrow is my day off and I'm planning to totally indulge myself in time with friends and time spent writing.  Oh, yes, life is good.

(I'd like it better if I weren't freezing my tender parts out there in the TWENTY DEGREE morning chill, but I'm sure that summer WILL get here eventually - right?)  I like it here in Colorado Springs.  It's a pretty place to live with Pikes Peak looking over us.  But I'm figuring out that I'm really a cool weather wimp.  I like it better when my feet aren't freezing. 

 

My next door neighbor is another single mom with a son the same age as Michael.  Tonight, she had to work so I played hostess to all three boys and we played The Game of Life.  It was really interesting to see how the boys reacted.  All three of them were happy about getting married.  They were ambivalent about buying a house and Tucker was downright angry that he didn't have a choice about how much he spent on it ("For the amount of money they want me to pay!  No Way!  I'm gonna live in a trailer," he says.)

Michael was thrilled that he kept landing on the spaces to have kids and quickly filled his car to overflowing with little boys and girls.  The neighbor kid, Joey, just kept chortling, praying, scheming and gloating when it worked out that he was able to steal Tucker's salary card.  Me?  I bought insurance, and stock, had no kids, and only married because the game made me. 

As it got close to the end and Michael was convinced that he couldn't win, he wanted to quit.  I told him that he had to finish what he'd started and he did hang in there.  Then later he said to me in a punny sort of way, "I guess you're the kind of Mom who won't let her kid give up on LIFE." 

It was a close game.  And in the end, it may not matter as much who won as what we learned playing the game with each other.  I love my boys.  I'm so glad they are sharing my journey through this life. 

********

I also had a conversation with their dad this afternoon that was one of the more enjoyable we've had recently.  We talked about Michael's recent science fair project for which his dad had to purchase a hamster.  The project is over, Michael got a 'B' and his dad is stuck cleaning the hamster's cage because the hamster stayed with him in St. Louis when the boys came home after their Spring Break there. 

Turns out this is the bitingest hamster known to man. 

Tim mentioned that he is thinking that if he (the hamster) should pass away, it could probably be stuffed and displayed in the cage like an old-fashioned museum exhibit.  He speculates that since the thing is barely bigger than a pencil eraser any taxidermist charging more than a buck fifty should be ashamed of himself.  And maybe the kids wouldn't even notice.

I'm still laughing.

So that's my  today.  I hope yours is going well. 

Weighty Matters

Well, so here I am, almost two months after starting the workout routine at the fitness center and I'm not happy with the results.  I'm sure that I'm stronger.  But other than that, I have issues.  I'm not losing weight.  Oh, I've lost some percentage of body fat, but the bottom line for me is whether I am smaller now than when I started and the answer to that question is "NO".

I followed the dieting instructions of the trainer, but that was just simply WAY too much food for me.  I had the suspicion that I was gaining weight even though he swore I wasn't.  But you know, when you can't zip your jeans ...

SO I bought a new scale and yes... I weighed more than when I started the program.  Not a happy result. 

See, I'm sorry, I KNOW I'm supposed to want to care about lean muscle mass and strength and all that other good stuff but I don't.  I want to be just strong enough to walk around in my size (several smaller than now) jeans and be admired without passing out from the exertion of it all.

I'm back on the kind of diet that I know will get me the result I want.  It's hard to say WHAT kind of "diet" it is, because it's not South Beach, it's not Weight Watchers, it's not the Jerusalem Diet, the Weigh Down Workshop, or grapefruit and eggs, but it has been influenced by all of the above.  I'm trying to eat the variety of foods recommended by South Beach (mostly), stay within the number of points alloted by Weight Watchers, eat only when I'm hungry and stop with I'm staisfied, and enjoy grapefruit because I like it. 

I wieghed on Sunday morning and I will weigh again (officially) this coming Sunday morning.  Unofficially so far I'm down by 1.2 pounds.  Oh, and did I mention that I'm competing against my best friend Mary?  We have a date to get together the last week of July.  And the way this will go down is that whoever loses the most is paid $5 per pound of difference.  Did that make sense?  So if one of us loses 30 pounds and the other 20, the "winner" is paid $50 by the "loser".

If there's anything I hate, it's losing.  If there's anything I hate more than losing, it's parting with my money.  If there's anything I hate more than either of those, it's not being able to zip my jeans!  SO, I'm on it. 

And btw, I don't really think of it as losing weight, I think of it as gaining freedom!

Never give up
Never Surrender!

  NEVER    NEVER    NEVER    NEVER    NEVER 

 

When Mom Writes the Rules

I have had several conversations over the past 24 hours about my parenting.  Some of my friends have applauded my handling of the Tucker situation yesterday, and an equal number think that getting to spend a day at home with me is hardly punishment.  Well, in a sense, I kind of hope that everyone is right.  I hope that I'm being a good parent and I'm hoping that I'm teaching him without having to resort to piling punishment on top of what he's already been dealt by the school. 

Having said that, my sister mentioned that she has begun to rely more and more on the old-fashioned assignment of sentences to get through to her kids.  That led me to think about what kinds of sentences might be appropriate.  And then that led me further to think about the fact that if I have planned ahead I will handle this with that degree of decisiveness I'm always going for when confronting an uncivilized 9 year old.  So I came up with the following list ...

1. Paying attention and doing well in my schoolwork are fundamental to my future success.
2. The law of "sowing and reaping" decrees that if I pick on someone smaller than me, someone bigger will kick my butt.  (I was gonna say "karma" but "sowing and reaping" is a longer phrase ... and biblical besides.)
3.  A felony conviction will make me ineligible to serve as President of the United States.
4.  If I am more good than I am bad, my mom will not have to beat me so often.
5.  Vacuuming, washing dishes and taking out the trash are tools for building my character.  (for the next time I hear complaints about the assigned chores.)
6. Use of common curse words reveals a lack of imagination and creativity.

oh, and while I'm at it, might as well assign them to write paragraphs ... ESSAYS even ...

1.  Ten reasons why I'll miss my brother if I kill him.
2.  Why violence should never be considered a viable option when dealing with girls.
3.  Things I expect I will experience during my first year of prison.
4.  Ways in which performing my chores with a cheerful attitude will make me a better person.  

I'm open to suggestions for expanding my list.

(Much much much credit for the above to my sister Cheryl, who's eldest mentioned in his own essay about prison his three-toed cell-mate Jim-Bob)

Tripping at Home

Well, the day did not go as planned.  When I got to the school this morning the principal was waiting to speak with me.  It seems that Tucker has been bullying a classmate.  One of a group of children who had told Tucker that they didn't want to play with him, has been singled out for his special retaliation. 

SO, at the end of the discussion, Tucker lost his field trip.  We've been home today dealing with the reality of consequences.

Field Tripping

Tucker brought home a note informing me that today is the day his class will be going on a field trip to Cave of the Winds.  Before he gave it to me he checked my calendar and determined that I have today off from my job.  SOooooooo - when he presented me the note, he also presented me the request, "Will you come with me?"

You know, he makes me crazy sometimes, but then he melts my heart with the way that he WANTS to spend time with his Momi. 

It Happened Again

Yesterday, one of my customers, a married man, told me that if he thought I were open to an affair he'd ask me out in a heartbeat.  I guess it's good that he realizes I'm not open to that.  You know - I don't understand men.  I really don't.  And I didn't feel complimented. 

Up until that point I had enjoyed the easy banter.  He tells me about his bowling tournaments and asks about my kids.  I only see him for five minutes every other week or so, this is not a big deal thing, you know?

It was not helped by the fact that Nicole was chuckling in the background.  She said weeks ago that if she were gonna play matchmaker for me she would hook me up with either the customer who spoke up yesterday or this one other one.  But unfortunately, they were both married. 

o_0

I'm NOT looking. 

And hearing that someone is interested makes me uncomfortable.  Can't we just TALK you know like one human to another?

Men Men Everywhere ...

I have four males in my apartment, my two sons and two neighbor kids.  They are playing a game and I'm hiding in my room.  (I also sent out for pizza which I plan to toss in amongst them in hopes of getting out alive.)