December 19, 2005

• Angels Again

  
  

  It happened again last night and I don't know what to say.  I was sitting in my chair and there was a loud knock on the door.  When I opened it, two large boxes of food for Christmas feasting sat wiating.  I knew I was faster to the door than last time and I thought I'd see if I could "catch" the angels so I raced up the steps and opened the door. 

  
  

  I had worked out in my mind who I thought it might be, but I was wrong.  I didn't know this family at all.  And I didn't know what to say.  They were dashing back into their truck with delighted laughter.  Their son (who seems to be about the age of Michael) saw me wave.  And then they were off without me saying anything.  I didn't say  "thank you" - or even  "how did you know?"  Just a glimpse and then they were off.  (And I wasn't wearing my glasses so the sad truth is that I wouldn't recognize them if I saw them again.)

  
  

  This weekend was stressful for me.  I had to take money from my savings (again) to pay bills.  I know that I'm working now and eventually I'll be paid and this will start sending the trend in the other direction, but for now I can't seem to get over the pain of seeing the savings I worked so hard for dwindling so rapidly.  I have to make a call this morning to the Unemployment office because I didn't receive a check last week.  It's only $71 - and to be honest, even if I'd gotten it I would have had to make the withdrawal because my electric bill alone was over $100.  But $71 would have helped if I'd had it.  And that thought spun around in my head enough to keep me from sleeping well.

  
  

  I also have to call the school, and maybe my attorney.  There is a situation there where a group session Michael attends with other kids in need of socialization help has turned ugly.  Apparently the group has become a place where the older kids are decribing for the younger ones things that they have seen on pornographic websites.  I'm not going to write it out here, but I'll tell you that the questions my child is asking me have me shocked and dismayed.  I want the boys to grow up with respect for themselves and respect for others.  The things my son is hearing now are seriously threatening that goal. 

  
  

  After meeting with the pricipal and last school psychologist last week, I was assured that Michael would be excused from that group.  On Friday, he reported to me that he had attended group again and that the discussion had once again turned to "the gross things".  It would be bad enough if Michael were ... normal.  But this child was in the group to start with because he lacks sophistication and emotional maturity.  So this is beyond "not funny".  Michael is confused and upset and we're having to work through some real trauma here. 

  
  

  My friend says that if she didn't know for a fact that I was really living this stuff, it would just seem impossible that one life could have so much strangeness in it.  I guess other people really don't have the roller coaster ride that I can't seem to get off of.  But whether it's a regular life, a strange life, or just my life ... it's life.  And for some reason, I have attracted the attention of angels who are getting me through it. 

  
  

   

  • 8:03 am
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