December 5, 2005

  • All my life, I lived according to what I thought other people wanted or expected whether it was what I wanted or not.  Now, I'm crazy, and I am living a life more honest than I thought it was possible to have.  It's a mess, but it's my life.  But most of the people around me, they didn't sign up for this.  They came on board with the old me.  And I wonder what they think now, whether they feel they were tricked.  They were, they were sure as hell deceived.  But it's too late.  Funny thing about being crazy.  It's set me free to be real, and now there's no stuffing me back in that box.


    I'm tempted to comment on the above quote, draw parallels to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, or discuss in objective language the curious relationship between insanity and creativity.  But the truth is that the above statement didn't come from a book.  It was made by a close friend of mine.  Someone I love.  It's a statement about truth, pain, beauty and freedom from tyranny.  And I'm thinking about it.  And I've had to ask myself whether I'm someone who signed up for a particular pleasing aspect.


    I'm not always capable of it.  There are sometimes conditions on my love even though I try to grow beyond that childish level of "I love you if..." _ "I loved you because ..." _ "I will love you as long as ..."


    In this case, I never expected that my friend would be any one way or the other for my sake.  I want to know her, and I want to know the real her.  So I really do think my love is unconditional.  And I will love her crazy or sane, sunshine or rain, in a box, with a fox, here or there ... because well because I do.  So there.


     

Comments (6)

  • Forever kind of friendship is hard to come by.  She is lucky.

  • Say!
    I like green eggs and ham!
    I do! I like them, Sam-I-am!
    And I would eat them in a boat.
    And I would eat them with a goat...

    And I will eat them in the rain.
    And in the dark. And on a train.
    And in a car. And in a tree.
    They are so good, so good, you see!

    So I will eat them in a box.
    And I will eat them with a fox.
    And I will eat them in a house.
    And I will eat them with a mouse.
    And I will eat them here and there.
    Say! I will eat them ANYWHERE!

    I do so like
    green eggs and ham!
    Thank you!
    Thank you,
    Sam-I-am!

    (I love you - thanks for this)

  • TRUE friends are usually a reflection of oneself

    Since you never come by & i'm sure you'll qualify---

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  • Well I am sure you appreciate things better for that post, it does one good to get things off their chests . I hope your future is good 'Cheers Marj

  • no one is a better friend to have than you, Terri.

  • I think there's two things here. One is about friendship, and I'll just ditto kluless there. The other is about personal choices. Anyone could envy the person who wrote that (or wrote "Zen," for that matter, in his 'crazy' phase). But in a social setting, where there are rules and expectations, how much does one envy those who are associated with one who has set themselves free in this matter? If we were all just as free, would the social construct work at all?

    I would say not.

    Note: I have no idea who wrote this quote, and hopefully if they have truly freed themselves then they wouldn't be offended by my stuffiness and hide-bound rule-citing. But hopefully YOU won't be offended either. I don't know this person's circumstance, and perhaps it's all wonderful, what they've done. I'm just saying: it's all very well to be entirely free. But there are implications, and no small price to pay (either by the one who is free, or his/her friends) for freedom in a setting where fetters constrain us all, and where (ostensibly) what is good for the whole comes before what is good for the individual.

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