"Some Things are Better Left Said ..."

I loved that quote in the comment twoberry left on my last blog.  I don't like promises, but that doesn't mean that I don't believe in speaking about important things.  I grew up in a household where a lot of imortant words were rarely spoken.  I don't remember hearing many praises and I remember a whole lot of criticisms.  I don't remember hearing a lot of affection, but I remember hearing a lot of admonition.  I don't remember hearing a lot of laughter, but I remember a lot of anger. 

Some of this may be my perception.  It's possible that I've magnified the unpleasant until it has usurped the happy in my memory.  Certainly, I recognize my experience of growing up in that family was different from the experiences of the other kids and different from what my parents thought it was like for me/us at the time. 

With my own kids, I've made a conscious effort (I don't always succeed) to speak the truly important words.  My kids hear, "I love you... I'm proud of you... That was a responsible and kind thing you did... You're very good at that ..."  I don't offer them false praises of the type that are tossed about in media for "self-esteem building," I try to mirror to them the truth that they are valuable, lovable, and wonderful. 

There are non-verbal ways I try to speak these things through taking care of their needs, spending time with them, reading, playing games, taking walks, being THERE when that's all they really need is just to have me there.  I hear that voice that still echoes in my own mind.  The voice of anger, fear, and disappointment that my mother passed on to me.  And it motivates me to speak the words to my kids that I wish I had heard instead.

I hope that I've learned from my past enough to make my future different by speaking the things that are better left said.