It's official -

I'm not sure what IT is but IT has definitely passed the point of possibility or light phase and gone straight to official.  I met my new friend Steve and his wife J.R. at Barnes and Noble.  We looked at the article Steve wanted to show me in Kiplinger Magazine and then I left.  Oh, I looked at a couple of books.  But all I could think of was the six boxes of unpacked books stacked in teh corner behind me and think "No!!! NO MORE BOOKS." 

Whatever is going on with me - is no little thing.

Falling Awake

Reading texts of philosophy and spiritual literature, it's quickly apparent that sleep has a bad reputation.  No one wants to be caught sleeping his life away and the supreme compliment is to be "awake" and "enlightened" (Buddha described himself as a dude who woke up). 

Well, I'm starting to think that all those enlightened people have it wrong.  Sleep is a good thing.  After years and years of not very much sleep, I've been ... well ... sleeping.  A lot.  In fact, my life this summer has consistented largely of working, eating, sleeping and making plans to start the next round of the same all over again.  I'd have looked down on the sleeping part of this elemental regimen as recently as a few months ago.  Why sleep when you can be AWAKE.  Even in the middle of the night.  I mean, how creative is that!  Other people are sleeping but I'm AWAKE reading, writing, and living ... consciously. 

Only there's a curious thing that happens when I sleep.  I dream.  I heal.  I have to live my life at a little slower pace.  And I'm figuring out that's not all bad. 

I've had more or less an adversarial relationship with sleep for a long time.  I suffered from a sleep disorder for years.  When I was screened at the Sleep Lab - the diagnostician told me that my heart was doing things when I thought I was sleeping that looked like I was on the verge of either a heart attack or a stroke.  It was terrifying.  I was afraid to fall asleep. 

But I got treatment, made some lifestyle changes, and for a couple years now I've been sleeping normally.  Well, at least I wasn't on the verge of a stroke every night.  But I was sleeping short hours.  A long night of sleep for me was about 6 hours - but I averaged more like 4-5.  I'd fall asleep 11ish, but be awake by 4.  Friends on the west coast called me at night, friends on the east caught me in the morning.  It was all good. 

These days I'm doing things a little differently.  I'll admit that I was forced into my new routine by being dog tired after working all day.  But even though I had to be dragged kicking and screaming to my new routine - I'm learning to like it.  I go to sleep earlier - like 8-9.  And I'm sleeping later - like until 7 am.  Can you imagine that change?  I've lost more than 5 hours of AWAKE time every day. 

I'm not missing it. 

Oh there are things I could be doing more of or accomplishing faster, but it's not like they aren't getting done at all (except for vacuuming, for some reason this summer I've been anti-vacuuming - go figure)  But I'm dreaming more, I'm walking a little slower through my day, and I'm feeling a lot better. 

And I'm noticing that it's about time for me to hit that hay again.  I'm ready.

********************

Wanna give me a bit of advice?  Here's what I'm turning over in my head.  One of the assistant managers at work is a great guy.  Has a very paternal attitude toward all the employees.  He's the first guy to notice when someone is tired and suggest they take five in the back.  He's the one who feeds me several times a week.  In fact he sent home dinner with me today and fussed because all I brought was soup and salad.  It's all I wanted but he didn't think that it was enough.  He actually said that I don't eat enough for how hard I work.  Which is also significant because he's got very high standards and makes it clear that it takes a LOT to impress him. 

SO anyway, today, one of the hostesses was in need of a ride home.  He lives closer to her than I do, and I heard him offer to drop her off.  Warning bells went off in my head like you just would not believe.  SO I told her that I really really really needed her help and that I would love to drop her at home if she wouldn't mind assisting me with this project.  And in truth, I did need the assistance because the hostess in particular is quite a bit taller than me and I was trying to clean this mirror that I couldn't reach the top of even from the ladder... 

I've been trying to decide whether to have this conversation with the manager guy tomorrow.  See, over the past 20 years, I've noticed that nice guys make themselves very vulnerable because it never occurs to them that anyone would take their offers of kindness as anything but kindness.  I have no suspicion at all in my mind that he was offering anything but a ride home to that girl.  But that's the kind of situation where someone who had a grudge could make an accusation and by the time all the smoke has cleared, a guy's life is messed up. 

Am I being paranoid?  See what I want to do is take him aside and say, Look I KNOW you're a nice guy and all you were offering was a ride home.  But don't DO that.  Don't be vulnerable to someone that way.  You're young, you don't know how quickly that snake can turn around and bite you. 

What do you think?  Do I need to settle down?  Or have the conversation that may save him some grief down the road?

*** Point of clarification - the hostess in this case is about 17 years old and the manager in question is in his early 30's.  So my saying to him "you're young" is a relative measure of his age to mine.

Part of my paranoia comes from having witnessed more than one situation where a man was innocently alone with a young woman and wound up later facing accusations of innappropriate behavior.  So I came away from that with an understanding of how vulnerable a person is when it comes down to "he said/she said" and the difficulty of anyone knowing what happens or doesn't when two people are alone.  I don't want to see anyone burned. 

And another part of my paranoia is that while I have an appreciation for the fact that this manager is tough but fair and I've noticed the ways that he shows kindness, many of the younger staff are intimidated by him and don't see past the fact that he's tough.  They assume that he doesn't like them and they take his attempts to promote standards and good service to mean that he's criticizing them or being harsh.  I've heard more than one person complain after he sent them to take a five minute break (which they clearly needed) that "he doesn't think I can do my job, he doesn't think I'm good enough to handle it."

So my concern is that this young girl would not feel comfortable being alone with him, and would not feel assertive enough to say "no" to his offer.  That's the situation that seems so ripe for trouble. 

Thai Food

Time Management

Hugs
Terri

Oh Well -  

No Savings Deposit yesterday.  I was so dog tired.  I overslept yesterday morning.  Went to work.  Came home.  Didn't do anything until it was time to crawl into bed last night.  I'm turning into a rather boring person.  Well, maybe not.  I don't really believe that it's possible to be a boring person because humans are infinitely fascinating critters and I'm even more fascinating (to myself) than most ... But I was not really up to noticing how cool I am, so I didn't.

As for my purchases?  Well, Dawn - glad you asked!  I bought two pants (cropped) one in denim and one khaki, an orchid top, a pink tee shirt, a lime sherbet colored tee shirt, lavendar tee-shirt screen printed with state name and local scenery, a teal sleeveless sweater, and khaki blouse.  I wanted to find a dress, but had no luck.  And truthfully, I don't NEED a dress right now, just wanted one.  So in honor of meeting my savings goals, it's probably best that I stopped with the purchases I made. 

I have another 6 day week.  I was scheduled off on Saturday, but it didn't take me long to pick up that evening shift.  I'm also picking up Sunday evening.  So I have 7 shifts in my 6 days.  Go me.  (And since Sunday is Father's Day, I'm hoping that we'll be especially busy.)

I'm doing well with my waitressing deal.  And I've had a couple real ego strokes with that this week.  First, I had customers who stopped the manager on their way out and told him that I was the best server they'd ever had at Mimi's.  My tips consistently come out to 20+ percent of the tab (although sometimes I bring home less than that because I generously tip the busser).  And yesterday, as I was leaving I introduced the server who would be taking over with the couple of remaining tables I had, and both tables pulled me aside and asked whether I'd be receiving the tip.  Both indicated that if I had said no, they would have tipped me on the spot.  Wow.  Ask me how many times anyone at Mimi's gets that kind of response ...

(And I kind of lied - the way we do it, if your food is all out before the ticket is transferred in the system, the intiating server gets the tip and if the food isn't out yet, the one receiving the ticket gets the tip.  I'll get the tip from the two nice ladies who ordered the liver and the appetizer tray and talked with me about tea cups, birthdays, and the color purple ... I won't get the tip from the table with the little boy, Nicholas, who was celebrating his 8th birthday with a family dinner party to Mimi's.  But that's okay.  Kimberly needs to make a living too.) 

Hugs to you all. 

 Terri

More Good Things

I went shopping yesterday.  I have my new summer wardrobe (much needed because last year I didn't buy anything ... ) and because I shopped at Walmart - I spent less than $70 for 8 articles.  And I STILL made a deposit into my savings account.  This may in fact be the healthiest obssession I've ever acquired. 

Striving Upward -

Saving and Investing

The conversations that take place in the kitchen at Mimi's give me hope that maybe the next generation is going to do things a little smarter than I did when I was their age.  I know that they are thinking about things way differently than I did at 21.  Yesterday Roxie had a question.  It's been bothering her, trying to figure it out.  And so over a bowl of soup and a sourdough baguette, the break area became a mini-discussion group on financial savvy.

Her question, "how is it that you get out of the trap of working for someone else?  I mean look at us, we come here, we sell the food, we serve the customers, and someone else is taking the profit we've generated and sailing off to Cancun for summer on the beach.  Do you have to just be born to the right parents?  What's the difference between us and them?"

Everyone started chiming in with ideas - yes, you have to be born to wealthy parents in order to be wealthy.  Only well, there's Ericka who does have wealthy parents, but they believe that your character is built by making your own way in the world, so they aren't providing her with housing, buying her groceries, or even contributing to her college education.  She's working at Mimi's like the rest of us. (And personally, I think her parents need to be slapped for their attitude. Their wealth disqualifies Ericka from any financial aid that she might use to help her get through school, so she's racking up debt to pay for the classes she takes at night.  And in my opinion, allowing your child to go into debt when you have means to prevent that is criminal.)

Maybe the answer is education, you get your degree and then life just opens up before you with cushy salaried jobs and benefits lining up to entice you through the doors of Corporate America.  Only we have more than one person waiting tables who already has a degree and didn't find that life worked that way at all. 

So what's the point?  Is there a point?  Is there a way out?  Or are we doomed to work in jobs that provide us with hand to mouth existences until we are old and destitute and happy to have an occasional can of cat food to eat.  (yeah - someone actually said that.)  And these kids mostly come from families where their parents divorced, so they see it all as interrelated.  As they look to their own future they have fierce beliefs about the responsibility of fathers and mothers to care for their offspring.  They are determined to nurture their own children physically, emotionally, and finanacially.  But they are struggling to see a way to make it happen.

Here's my take on it.  People aren't taught in school, but they desperately need to understand how to save and how to invest.  I listed to these kids talk about savings as a waste because interest rates are so low that you don't accumulate anything.  I heard them say that investment is scary because it's not secure - you could LOSE money with investment. 

And yes those things are true.  But the only way out of the rat race is to get to a place where you have assets that are working for you and providing more income than you require for your basic needs.  An asset is a vehicle you own that gives you a return.  Which - I'm sorry to have to break it to you, but the one thing that most people consider to be their biggest asset - by my definition, isn't an asset at all.  Its a liability.  I'm talking about your house now. 

There are excellent reasons to purchase a home.  You do build equity so you eventually own the place you live in.  Unless you are attracted to refrigerator boxes, it's good to have a stick-built home.  Getting into a mortgage gives you a hedge against inflation because whereas rents will increase year by year by year - your mortgage payment is "fixed" so you reap the benefit of the difference when your income rises. 

But a bad reason to buy a house is because you have been convinced that it's an "investment."  You aren't going to ever receive an income from your house.  Just face that and deal with it.  Don't let a realtor talk you into more house than you can afford.  AND make sure that YOU are the one who is determining what's comfortable for you.  Realtors (God love 'em, and they need to make a living too) but their income is derived from selling you the most expensive house they can.  So what they estimate to be "comfortable" payments, may cause you to feel you've been stretched like a rubber band. 

Oh, I can hear you now saying, "But my house will appreciate in value."  Yes, and so will every other house on the block.  So you get ready to sell your house ... and SURPRISE any other property that you'd be interested in occupying costs just as much as the one you're leaving.  So that business about the house appreciating ... be wise about that, okay?  Unless you are willing to trade down from the big house to the condo, you are probably not going to have much in the way of a Captital Gain from the sale of your home.  And even if you are willing to trade down, you may find that the retirement community of your dreams isn't that much if at all less than the value of your house.

None of the 20 year olds are thinking about retirement.  Their dreams are more about how to enjoy their lives now, how to have a little more left at the end of the week, and how to get into a financial position so that they aren't one car accident, broken arm, week of pneumonia ... away from bankruptcy. 

The break was over before I had a chance to jump in with my own take on it.  I would have said to them, "the answer my friend - is boring.  You have to save a portion of every dollar you earn, and you need to invest a portion of every dollar that you earn.  Invest in a mutual fund, an IRA, create intellectual property, anything you can do that will take the dollar or time you put into it and multiply that dollar before giving it back.  Buy a property you can rent out.  Buy a property that you aren't living in so that when you sell it the appreciation truly is a return to you.  Start a business that will allow you to benefit from the labor of others.  There's nothing dishonorable about Captitalism, folks.  In the end its the means by which you can realize your dreams of financing the life you want to live. 

"Yes, get a job.  I'm not telling you that you can start off at 20 without working for "the man".  But be wise about it.  Live within your means - NO CONSUMER DEBT.  Pay yourself first.  Save money for the rainy day.  Most financial advisors (and yes, even I with my sad little limited means right now, I have a financial advisor - so they aren't just for the rich guys.  And my guy is coming over tonight to talk with me about insurance because I want to set something up that will take care of my kids if something happens to me before they are grown-up and able to support themselves) say that you need to have 3-6 months worth of income set aside in case of unemployment, illness, injury, or natural disaster.  Start paying into an account that will be your umbrella when that rain comes as it inevitably will.

"Look around right now for a vehicle that you can invest in even if it's just a tiny little bit - $25 a month is better than nothing.  Make it your goal to increase the amount you put aside for yourself every time you make a positive adjustment in your financial circumstances.  If you get a pay increase, put that increase to work for you with your savings and investment strategy."   

That's what I wanted to contribute to the conversation.  My two cents of investment in their future. 

This morning - I'm on my way to the bank to make a deposit that will bring my savings balance to exactly double what it was two weeks ago.  It may take me longer than two weeks to double it again, but I'm determined to not just hand out advice, I'm following it. 

And then just in time for the lunch crowd - I'll be at Mimi's.  Smiling, recommending my favorite soups, sandwiches, pasta and dinner entrees and all the while I'll be thinking about what's next for me.  How to get from point A to point B.  

Tight Schedule

I was a little unhappy when I got my schedule this week, because Brett didn't schedule me to work today and Saturday is one of the two days of the week that I can usually make a little better than average money.  HOWEVER, I'd reckoned without the phenomena of working with kids.  They all want Saturday off.  So I was able to pick up not one but TWO shifts for today.  It will be a long day for me.  I'm scheduled for 12 hours now.  But lets keep fingers crossed and happy thoughts for generous tippers.  So that gives me six days on the schedule instead of my usual five.  I'm a happy (if obsessed) little camper.

It's a beautiful day in Colorado Springs.  A perfect day for getting out and about and having lunch in a restaurant. 

Hugs to you all

Capitol WON

I have a credit card. 

Are you scared?  I'm scared.

It's been slightly less than a year since my bankruptcy was discharged and these people are giving me a credit card?!?

I'm a responsible person, I know that the only thing to do with credit is do everything BUT use it.  And I'm happy to have this card, don't get me wrong.  As a mortgage loan officer, I know that an open trade line that's not being used?  Improves my credit score which means that when I'm ready for a mortgage, I can get a better rate.  But really - what were they THINKING. 

I've been working a lot and I'm going to work a lot more.  I'm scheduled for the next six days in a row, and odds are pretty good I'll pick up something in addition to what Brett put on the official schedule.  Little by little, my account is getting healthier. 

I miss the boys, but I'm going to make this summer count. 

I have talked with them.  They are doing fun things every day.  They've built birdhouses with grandpa, gone to Magic Springs amusement park, had a sleepover with their cousins - yesterday they spent at the lake picnicking and swimming.  And they've only been there a week. 

Michael has recovered nicely from his sinusitis.  Things are goign well for them.  I miss them.  And if I have to live my summer without my kids, I'm going to make every minute count.