How Much Effort

I have recently come to the conclusion that I'm a high maintenance friend.  I have really good evidence to support this statement.  My friend, Mary, has been patiently listening to me and offering wise counsel for well - pretty much years.  And I routinely will listen to her without making much response, go off and think about it for six months then come back and announce that I've just realized - ta da!  The very thing that she told me ages ago.  See, in terms of exasperation and sheer "what just happened here" I'm a pretty expensive friend to keep around.  (And I will give her massive credit for her ability to limit herself to one "I'm not going to say I told you so" per epiphanous conversation.)

I have another good friend who frequently disagrees with me on just about everything I do, say or think.  I'm not sure WHY my friend loves me so much in spite of my pigheaded wrongness, but there you have it.  I am loved.  Yesterday, overcoming all kinds of personal inclination to simply smack some sense into me, that friend gave me over three hours of shoulder to cry on, jokes to snap me out of it, and unconditional support for whatever decision I make next even if it's the one that is at the top of the list of "Things that I think Terri would be Absolutely INSANE to do."

Faith has given me massive time, researched the internet for answers to my problems and given me wise counsel even in the midst of her own trials and tribulations which are significant.

So I mentioned it to my friends (even friends who haven't been used as examples so far) that I think they are saints for the way they are there for me and support me.  Pretty much they all responded the same way, but Mary put it in writing so I'm going to quote her to show how amazing is this circle of love with which I am surrounded. 

"I'm no saint.  I just want you happy and relaxed so I have a best girlfriend to goof around with.  See?  Not saintly.  Perfectly selfish reasons.  "

Thank you my friends.  I've thanked you privately and I want to thank you publicly as well because I want everyone to know that Faith, Mary, Kevin, Mike, Cyndee, and Natasha are SAINTS.  (There are others of you as well, but I just realized that maybe I don't want the world to know how many saints it takes to change my light bulb ...)

And to make you all laugh, I'm going to post the results of this quiz that I just took ...

You Are Low Maintenance Otherwise known as "too good to be true" You're one laid back chica - and men love that! Just remember that no good guy likes a dormat. So if you find your self going along to get along... Stop yourself and put up a little bit of a fight. Are You High Maintenance? Take This Quiz Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

I'm Back and I have things to get off my chest ....

This most recent trip was ... a trip.  I had certain expectations, it being a visit to family and all.  But it turned into something very different than I was looking for or expecting it to be.  It was the first time in ten years that all my siblings were together with spouses and kids. So that part was good. 

My Mom invited 70 of her closest friends to come over on the Saturday before Easter to hear an outdoor concert that she promised my siblings and I would perform.  As is typical, I didn't hear anything about it until after the invitation was sent.  There was no time to practice (one sister arrived only 24 hours before it was set to take place) and we had other activities scheduled that precluded any prep on the parts of the ones who were there.  Happily, God sent a hail storm just before we were supposed to do the dog and pony show so only about 10 people plus family showed up.  We all crowded into my Mom's house so we were up close and personal with the audience for full embarrassing effect.

Before the Springbreak trip, I wrote about my decision to do a trial of medication for my ADHD kids and I wrote about the immediate success of that trial.  It has made a huge difference for the boys.  But that didn't stop my parents questioning my judgment, my sanity and my ability to parent my kids in front of God and everybody.  It's amazing to me that I'm 41 years old and I'm still being treated by my mother as though I'm an ignorant teenager with uppity opinions who needs to be straightened out. 

In addition to being a bad parent, the entire gang weighed in with their opinion that I'm failing to adequately support myself since I've moved to Colorado and concluded that the answer to this problem is that I should move to Arkansas to be near them.  I really love my family, but doing that would probably have me in the nuthouse within short order.  We could start a betting pool - how long before Terri needs medication in order to function ...

The painful part of that is that in a sense, they are right about my not making it here.  I've been working hard and doing all the "right" moves, but after 5 months, I still am not in a place where I can be certain that I'll have any income this month.  I didn't get a check in March, didn't get a check in January, didn't get a check in November ... it's kind of hard to live that way.  All my savings are gone.  And I have bills coming due that are keeping me up at night. 

The wise thing to have done would probably have been to tell people, "I'm sorry, I can't do this trip right now."  My pride and my desire not to disappoint my children wouldn't let me do that.  So I spent the last of my money, took the trip and now I'm reaping the benefit of that decision in sleepless nights of imagining that we're going to be homeless.  At least it's going to be summer soon, right? 

Quote from Tucker:  "I heard you call Grandma "Mom".  SO I know that you came from her. . . I knew you had to have a mother somewhere so I guess it might as well be Grandma."

Quote from Michael: "Our apartment is a pit of pigs."

I think I'll do some housecleaning today.