"If your everyday life seems poor, don't blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is no poverty and no indifferent place."
-- Rainer Maria Rilke
Living Abundantly
I've been thinking about abundant life. In the Bible, Jesus says "I have come so you will have life and abundant life at that." (For those of you who are Bible students, that's Terri's Revised Translation of the passage.) For me and I suspect for most people, our worries rob us of any pleasure in our possessions or our luxuries. I worry because basic living expenses are just a little more than I'm presently receiving in momthly income and I have fears that I'm not going to be able to juggle these balls forever.
But looking around my apartment, I have in many ways - abundance. I have my books, and a library card so I can check out more. My kids have so many things that their room is a constant disaster zone. We have clothes and food. We are warm even on cold days. So what do I have to complain about? Why worry?
But I do worry, I worry more or less constantly. I worry that I don't have enough money now and that I won't have enough later when other needs arise. I worry that I don't have time to devote to a job because of days like yesterday when the school system is closed and there's no where for my kids to go. I worry that my friends are tired of listening to me worry.
Why is it so hard to be grateful for what I do have instead of feeling panicked for what I don't? On Monday I applied at three different places for part time work. My ideal right now would be to start working a second job at some restaurant as a waitress on the noon shift. Its been a few years since I waited tables for a living, but I've done it before and I'm hoping now that I can do it again.
None of the people that I talked to on Monday are hiring at the moment, but I'll keep looking. Also on Monday, one of the realtors I've been working with sent me a client, so lets all pray that this loan goes through. From our side, we can do the loan. I'm afraid that from the client's side the house they want is too much payment for them to handle. See? I could be glad that I got the referral but ... More worry.
Oh and one final note from Monday. I entered my name in a drawing here at my apartment complex before I left for my Easter trip. They notified me that I won - a $30 gift certificate to Stuart Anderson's Black Angus Steakhouse. So The Boys and I can have a date. Now I'm worrying how I can split that up and take one at a time so they will get their one-on-one Momi time which has been in rather short supply lately.
I really don't like being a whiner and a complainer - but looking back over several weeks of blogs - that's what I've become. Ugh!
Comments (9)
hey. if you can't whine here, where can you whine?
and i don't see it as whining. i see it as basic day to day living worries.
we all have them. better to pour them out than to keep them bottled up.
Yes....what LuckyStars said. That's a great quote, by the way.
Its so hard to find the positive and stay in that place. I constantly struggle with it. ((hugs)) And may you find the things to be thankful for.
One on one momi time is gone. They will get over it. So they must. Highschool drop outs and crack addicts wait tables. You can wait tables. You can worry, or you can apply for jobs. My choice would be the latter. You can write about your worry or you can write about your goals, aspirations and the things you HAVE achieved.
Its all a matter of having a glass half FULL of rum.
Sail on... sail on!!!
Hey...I can relate...you KNOW that.
**hugs** 
Being aware of the problem is nine-tenths of the battle. Worrying's an OK thing to do -- even a necessary thing to do -- but you don't want to carry it to excess. Keep everything in balance. If income is insufficient for your outgo -- then yes, you need to increase the income or decrease the outgo. So yes, be concerned enough to be aware of THAT problem. But I'm talking just as much about the problem of worrying TOO much, and it's good that you're aware of that one, too. At the end of the day, be content and joyful and aware of your abundances. And be optimistic that the plan unfolding here -- Let's call it "worrying in moderation" -- will work out fine. Good luck on the new second job!
Everyone tells me that worrying does nothing positive for a situation. It's really a symptom of fear. We all have our fears. I've figured out that I worry in order to motivate myself to move. I fear that if I don't make myself feel uncomfortable, that I will not make any moves in a particular direction. I'm trying to just talk to myself and ask myself what I want. Then once I decide what I want, ie. to be happy, to get a better job, to go back to school etc. I then just have to create a plan, and take one step at a time in the direction of the plan. My biggest two problems, ok three, and this may be useful to you. One, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Two, I lack comittment because I fear that if I commit myself to a certain path that I'll be going in the wrong direction for myself and three, that I shut down when I am overwhelmed by my inability to trust myself and make the right decisions for my happiness and well-being. Does this sound familiar? That's why I'm going to be going to therapy soon.
From one worrier to another: It helps, and complaining isn't a bad thing. It keeps our perspectives keen and helps us to let off steam that we need to let off to keep plugging along without overheating. It reminds us that we are responsible adults. Better to worry and deal with things than never see reality and live an irresponsible mess of a life. I know it'd be easier to be like Scarlett and put it all off 'til tomorrow... but it's better to deal with what you can today and put the rest off 'til its time comes. That's not always fun, but it's important. Even God only expects of us what we are able to give and do. It's very hard to see the truth about life when it seems like all you notice are the troublesome areas. Don't I know it. Ah, but that is just part of being MOM, and with that noble title comes lots and lots of faith. One day you'll be able to let go a little more and enjoy more of your life. I am hoping it's soon for you and me too!
Keep working hard and God will help you with the slack. He always does. Isn't he awesome?
The Bible also tells us not to worry because our lives are in His hands. But I think concern is not necessarily worry.
Worry keeps you from doing the things you ought to be doing. Worry keeps you awake at night. Worry interferes with your relationships. Worry keeps you from doing the things you need to be doing to fix the problem you're worrying about in the first place.
Terri, most of the things you mentioned you "worry" about seem to be things you're doing something about...even if it's just figuring out how to deal with it. You're doing fine.
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