Perspective

Tucker: "Would you like to have some cherry Koolaid?"

Michael: "Not in a million years."

Tucker: "I guess that means later."

Patience Grasshopper

You know I'm really tired of learning about patience so can't we just get ON with it?

Now that I have my goals and my ambitions in place, I want them to happen immediately.  In my head, I know that everything takes time and there are steps required to make the journey.  But I'm tired of stepping, I want to be where I want to be already. 

I started reading a book this weekend.  (Okay - I started six books this weekend and I finished five of them.  I can highly recommend Billie Letts' Shoot the Moon which was a very different kind of suspense story told in a lyrical tone that made the twists and turns seem both inevitable and surprising.  I always enjoy Elizabeth Lowell for easy reading pleasure and her Die in Plain Sight and The Color of Death didn't disappoint.  Susan Isaacs Any Place I Hang my Hat was wonderful.  And Alexander Irvine's One King, one Soldier contained the kind of vivid description and story suspense that is both arresting and disturbing because he gets beneath the surface of emotion to the less than palatable heart motives that drive us.)

I finished so many because I'm having a round of insomnia that won't let up.  So instead of lying there feeling bad because I'm tired and I'm stressed and I can't sleep - I read. 

One of the books I started, I can't get through more than a couple pages at a time before I have to put it down.  I'm always amazed when I encounter a book that speaks to me like that.  So directly and deeply that I can't just read it, I have to slow down and let it meet me on it's pace, not mine.  Part of the reason that this book is such slow going is that the author says things that I utterly believe, but have not been consistent in practicing.  Taks this quote, "Religions should be understoon as only teh fingers that point to the moon, not the moon itself.  But much of institutional religion seems to give people just enough "God talk" to enable them to forever avoid any direct and frightening religious experience."

I have spent the past year avoiding much of my contemplation of the words and experiences of the mystics with whom I most identify in my spiritual walk.  And I can't even tell you now why that's been the case.  Because I'm drinking this up like I've been dying of thirst.  I've had this attitude whenever I would get close to God that was like, "Yeah, yeah, right BUT ..."  No wonder that God hasn't been able to get through, heh?

On the opening pages of this little book is a bit of a poem by Hafiz that I'm loving for what it says about the way I'm experiencing this book and for the laughter that I always find when I open up to hear God's voice over my own voice that points toward control, fear, and busyness. 

Pulling out the chair
Beneath your mind
And watching you fall upon God -
There is nothing else for Hafiz to do
That is any fun in this world! 

Have you ever had that moment in time when you see everything in your life with crystalline clarity?  For that one moment it all makes sense and you know that you may not have perfect happiness, wouldn't know what to do with perfect happiness if it arrived gold-plated anyway, but you know it's going to be all right?

I haven't.  I keep thinking that if I read the right article, apply the proper self-improvement technique, or pray the right prayer, things are going to fall magically into place.  And they don't.  And it just occurred to me that this doesn't necessarily mean that there's something wrong with me or that I'm not doing life right. 

Now that I've had that thought, I think I'm going back to bed.

Easy like Saturday Morning

I had a lovely day yesterday.  Did more work than I expected.  Lynn had some leads for me to follow up on, people who are actively shopping for a house in this area and will need financing.  So while I did manage to visit a few Xanga sites yesterday, I didn't play as much as I planned. 

The boys and I had a lovely evening.  We did a few errands (need to go back out today, they've informed me that we are out of milk) and then we went to the Noodle Company for pan noodles loaded with mushrooms, sprouts, - the works.  And potstickers.  YUM. 

No - I couldn't really afford to do it, but we needed a good evening and we had it.  Now we'll be eating balogna (sp?)  I peeked in the frig to see how they spelled it on the package but ours says "baloney". 

Today the apartment is a pit and we need to do laundry.  But I think I"m going to the library instead.  Sit on the veranda and sip my mocha while perusing poetry and contemplating Pike's Peak in the morning. 

I hope everyone is having a beautiful day. 

Big Happy Hugs

Terri

Muahahahahaha

I have been asked by a sales rep at a condominium development if I'll sit in the model tomorrow and assist any lookers who come through  Um yeah.  And I'll have access to her computer.  Six hours of hanging around doing ... nothing.  Waiting on people who may or may not drop in.  And internet. 

SO - I'm not going to surf Xanga tonight.  I'm sorry.  I know that everyone was just dying to have my witty addition in their comments box, I'm slime, I know.  BUT tomorrow?  I'll have six hours to do nothing but surf.  I'll be commenting on stuff you'd probably just as soon have me skip over.  (yeah - I know I could try to use some of that six hours for some real writing or work or something, and I probably will ... use ... some ... nah - it's PLAYTIME!)

And the reason that I'm willing to waste a day doing this is that the sales rep for Harmony is also a successful real estate agent and an investor who networks with other investors.  It's good to have her owe me a favor. 

Sticklers Unite!

"You have nothing to lose but your sense of proportion (and arguably you didn't have a lot of that to begin with.)"

Lynn Truss has written a perfectly delightful little book about apostrophes and commas.  I've seen it on the shelves for several months, but had my chance to pick it up when we went by the library on Saturday and it's fabulous.  If you've ever had the urge to commit property damage with the aid of a permanent marker when you saw such things as "the judges decision is final."  or "no dog's" then this book is definitely for you.  If you don't see anything wrong with the preceding examples, this book is still for you and may save you some bodily damage from a stickler who's had one comma too few or apostrophe too many.

(Well, I'm NOT reading the calendar, but it was either that or the 10-copy prepack when I did the search thing.) 

High Altitude Baking

Yesterday, Steve said ... "Yeah, you are at some altitude.  What?  3,000 feet?"  And that got me wondering, just what is considered "high altitude," how high is Colorado Springs, and what kind of routine adjustments have been published to guide people like me through the dangers of cooking. 

In looking up altitude, I first consulted the Duncan Hines cake mix box to see whether it had a rule of thumb.  According to this expert source, high altitude is anything above 3,500 feet.  Doing a quick google operation, I learned that Albuquerque (our neighbor to the south) with an average elevation of 5,344 feet bills itself as the "highest metropolitan city in the American mainland."  That was a surprise to me the first time I heard it because I was under the impression that Denver "the mile high city" held that honor.  But no, the mile high city is so named because it's average elevation is exactly 5,280 feet, one mile.

For comparison purposes, Colorado Springs has an average elevation of 6,035 feet and because I live on a hill, I'm guessing that I'm in an above average part of town which I think brings some explanation to my bean problem.  I know how to cook beans.  I'm from South Arkansas where we had beans four nights a week and the bean pot was never put away.  Up until this week, my bean cooking has been focused more on how to get the things to have a little taste and flavor than on getting them, well, cooked. 

At sea level, water boils at 212 degrees Fahrenheit.  At 6,035 feet, water boils at 200 degrees Fahrenheit.  Now to me, 12 degrees doesn't seem like it would make that much difference when you're talking about 200 degrees to start with, but apparently to a bean that 12 degrees is the difference between comfort in the long sleeved cotton shirt at 68 and sweltering in shorts at 80.  Because the beans happily lolled about in their warm water bath for three days without cooking.  Okay, I didn't keep the fire on continuously for three days.  On Sunday I cooked them long enough for normal, and they weren't done.  Monday I cooked them about 2.5 more hours, they still weren't done.  And yesterday they cooked for about 2.5 more hours before the pot boiled dry and they smoked up the building.  But I want to tell you that yes, of course the charcoaled version of the beans was still hard, but so were the unburned ones.  They were still not "done".

Cleanup after the beanpot incident has meant that I have had to launder ALL our clothes because the smoke was that thick that everything in the apartment has a burnt bean aroma that my neighbors have assured me ranks only slightly off from "skunk" on the stink scale.  Yeah, it's pretty bad to me too, but since I caused it, I was wanting to kind of play it off like you know, it's just smoke, think of it as like ... mesquite.  No one is thinking mesquite, including me.  Burnt bean is burnt bean and that's the end of that. 

I've lit a dozen candles around the apartment which has made it kind of a vanilla burnt bean thing, and we've all had baths and washed our hair - twice.  Any other suggestions?  It's March and I suppose it was about time for Spring Cleaning anyway. 

It got worse

I have this pot of beans I've been trying to cook for three days.  I don't know if it's the altitude or just some particularly stubborn beans or what.  When I left to pick up the kids from school, I forgot to turn off the burner.

The entire apartment building is full of smoke.

My neighbors are not impressed.

I'm taking the kids to get something for dinner.

Then - I'm going to have a drink.  A really big drink.  And maybe ... a second.

PS _ At least it's Tuesday so KIDS EAT FREE!!!!

Momi's having a Day

NOT a good day.  The kids and I started off on time.  In fact, we were dressed and ready so early that Tucker and I had time to curl up in the chair and read "Tooth Trouble" about a walrus named Walter who doesn't want to see the dentist. 

But then we got to the care and I noticed that Tucker had no backpack.  Okay, back into the apartment we go.  Then we get back to the car and I notice he has no jacket.  Back inside again.  We looked and looked and I never did find that kid's jacket.  SO I grabbed an older one from the closet.  By now we are late enough that we MIGHT make it if we hurry.  I've already gotten a note from the school saying that the kids can't be late again.  So I'm hurrying.

Right past Mr. diligent policeman, who noticed that I was hurrying a little faster than the legal limit on hurry in these parts.  Dammit.  I have two tickets now.  One for the hurry and one because I'm still carrying an Indiana Driver's license.  Oh, I KNOW I should have gotten it switched to Colorado, but I went there and asked them and they told me that as long as my Indiana license was unexpired, I was okay, so I figured that was $20 that I wouldn't have to spend yet.  Apparently, not accurate information. 

My kids noticed that I was a little upset, so they were a little upset.  Especially Michael.  He can't stand it if I'm upset and to say that he takes it hard is an understatement.  SO I went into the school to talk to the principal and ask for leniency.  She wasn't available.  I wound up talking to one of the counselors who works with Tucker instead.  I wound up crying.  Have I mentioned that I HATE to cry in front of myself much less another human type person? 

So after that humiliating morning, I wimped out.  I'm at home.  I'm not at work.  I'm feeling sorry for myself. 

I had two loans from last week (and the one application from the weekend that I knew wasn't going to go through.)  Everything that I was working on got flushed yesterday.  One family has sudden extended family circumstances that may necessitate a move so it's not a good time for them to get into a new mortgage.  The other family found out that he's going back to Iraq now (he thought he had another six months) and the wife doesn't want to stay here alone.  She's heading back to her Mom's whereever that is.  I don't blame them, but it really sucks to see my work dry up and blow away like that. 

On the good news side of things, I attended a meeting of the Colorado Fiction Writer's Group last night.  I was impressed by the quality of the group and the critiques they were sharing.  They do have this rule about no porn and that was a disappointment.  I mean I already kind of decided that turning to drink isn't a good thing, so it would have been nice to have some mindless porn to divert myself from brooding about the viscisitudes of life.   

So I've fallen back to chips and guacomole. 

The Goddess of Roses and Love. You are a hopeless
romantic. Always optimistic and loving, you
have many friends and you are exceptionally
trustworthy. You are a innocent beauty.

Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
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