March 14, 2005

  • Monday Monday ...


         We had a lovely quiet weekend in the Verrette Villa.  Nothing burned, nothing was broken, and the boys even cleaned their room.  ( I promised them that no children would be allowed to play computer games until the chores were done. )  We are counting down the days until Friday when the kids' Spring Break begins and we leave town for a visit with grandparents, and cousins.  Tim has agreed to meet us in Arkansas so we'll get to see him as well. 


         I read with interest the many comments regarding my decision to try medication for/with Tucker.  It's never an easy decision for me to use any medication for any reason.  I'm the woman who managed to make it over 10 years without an injection of any kind between my high school/college days when I was required to be immunized against ... something ... and the day my oldest son was born. 


         With ADHD in particular people line up with strong opinions on both sides of the medication aisle.  Although the disorder has been well documented for over a hundred years, many people still argue that it is a "made up" issue.  I know that I have held the opinion that it was certainly over-diagnosed.  I've seen kids who were medicated into a pale quiet version of themselves that was heartbreaking to see.  We also have long misunderstood the progress of a person with ADHD believing it to be something that fades with time.  And we have not thought it to be equally present in boys and girls. 


         Again and again I have smacked my own head against these assumptions.  But it doesn't take a genius to discover a pattern looking back in my own life.  Report card after report card detailing my impulsivity and lack of "self-control".  The lectures my parents gave me.  The disappointment they expressed in my performance.  And all along, the assumption that because I was a little girl, I should be quieter, calmer, more deliberate... the list goes on.


         And I grew up believing that.  I believed it so much that I felt like a failure and a sub-standard human when I failed to suppress my passion and my spontaneity.  I have felt my whole life that I teeter on the delicate edge between being tolerated and being rejected.  Because it was beyond my imagination that I might be appreciated and accepted as I am.  I have learned that it isn't quite the way I always believed.  I have found a measure of acceptance and love from my friends that constantly amazes me.  I don't ever take you for granted. 


         I don't want Tucker to go though his life wondering if today will be the day that he'll cross the line. 


         The largest and most clinical trial in the history of NIMH was conducted to compare treatment by medication, treatment by behavior modification and cognitive therapy, and what is loosely termed a "community based control sample" which was the group who received no treament beyond the occasional school program and parenting at home. 


        The results were astonishing.  Kids who got the meds did far better than the kids in the other groups.  And equally as well as kids who got both meds and therapy.  The kids without treatment had far greater incidents of "death by misadventure", death in driving accidents, teenage pregnancy; sexually transmitted diseases; alcohol and other substance abuse; low self-esteem, poor self concept; and academic underachievement.  As adults the untreated group had difficulty holding jobs, significant incidence of imprisonment, and a divorce rate far greater than the general population. 


         I don't want to suggest or recommend that you put your kids on medication if they are having behavior problems.  There are a lot of reasons for kids to act out other than ADHD.  But if a person/child is struggling having them evaluated for treatment isn't the worst thing you could do. 


         


         I've been working to set up a website for my Synergy Worldwide business.  If you haven't checked it out, I'd invite you to visit me there and let me know what you think! 


       Have a GREAT Monday.  And a wonderful week.   


     


          


    PS - Have you tried that Crest Vanilla Mint toothpaste?  It tastes like Christmas. 

Comments (12)

  • I'm so glad you've found the right path for yourself and Tucker -- and really, all that matters is that it's YOUR right path.

    Thank you so much for your email.  It came after a particularly difficult weekend for me, and was greatly appreciated.

    You're a wonderful woman, and that's just the baseline in my own Terri Tale

  • I think people are so adamant about medication because there are so many people medicating for no reason other than *they* can't cope with their children.  Not because the children need to be medicated.

    I have a lovely almost-9-year old half sister.  My stepmother (also her stepmother - her birth mother is out of the picture) worked hard to get her diagnosed and put on Ritalin, all without my father's approval.  They are in the process of getting divorced and she's been taken off the meds.  She never should have been on them in the first place.  My father's wife just wasn't capable of coping with a small child.

    I applaud your courage in taking what many would consider a controversial step.  If the medication helps, then it is needed.  Sounds like they are doing well. 

  • Sometimes you need that extra help... you are doing something that is needed, not abused Hugs you big!!

  • I think maybe the problem with the kids on these type meds is pretty much the same prob with kids in school in general: they are simply not cared for enough to thrive with either (not condemning, just pointing out the difficulty of the situation.)  I know my oldest and I would probably be labeled some kind of attention deficit (though manifest differently due to personality diffs--I think mine comes out as TMJ most often) but fortunately, we have been fortunate enough to figure out how to manage (though a well-placed glass of wine works wonders at times.) 

    For me, I am mostly thankful for gaining wisdom not to condemn others because of actions that may be different than what I am doing (the good part of growing older. )  It sounds like you have come to your decision after much research, contemplation and prayer.  I commend you on the loving care you give your sons. (((HUGS!)))

  • watching sarah's classmates over the years and both volunteering and working (one year was all i could take) at elementary schools.  i saw both sides of the issue, too.  sure there are kids out there whose parents just don't want to do the discipline route when medicating is so readily available.  [i'd've drop kicked them for them if they'd've just asked... ]
    but
    there are so many more kids i saw who benefited from it.  i'm sure i would've.  my report cards, like yours, were littered with "disturbs others in class" "talks out of turn" "doesn't stay seated".  tested high on placement evaluations but would come so close to failing classes.  well hell...there were things outside the window that i had to look at!!

    what matters is that you do what you feel needs to be done.  it's your child and you have his best interests in mind.  no guilt.

  • You're the one who shouldn't be taken for granted, Terri.

    You're a wonderful woman, amazing mom and the ultimate friend.

    (off to check out your other site!)

  • I think ADHD is real, but it is overdiagnosed. I also think it's largely a product of our society. I don't think you'd see it in more "primitive" cultures. Our lives are so cluttered and chaotic, so full of information overload that it's only natural that some will not be able to fully cope with it. I don't even think that it's a disorder; I think those that are "normal" are just blessed with better coping mechanisms.

    Thanks so much for Friday, and I'm glad Tucker had a great day and y'all had a wonderful weekend! Let me know about your novels.

  • It tastes like Christmas?    That made me smile. 

  • An entire generation without an unmedicated genius. I wonder what that's going to do to America's place in the world?

  • I'll take a bucket of the anti-aging serum, please.

  • You are so filled with love for this child that you will do the right thing. Ask Higher Power the way and believe your answer will come.  It will come and you will know it is right. I know what you are going through. I send you love and support. Judi

  • I appreciate the amount of research and thought you put into your decision, however, the information you share seems to condemn those of us who have made other choices for our children. While I was assured at the beginning of medical treatment for my middle son that it was making a big difference, it didn't last more than a couple of weeks. According to the schools, the meds were never right or enough, even when my then 3rd grade child was as stoned as kids after lunch in my high school. The tics and diagnosis of probable Tourettes that followed were no picnic, either. It was only after nearly a year of educating him at home that we took him off the last medications. The only difference? No tics. We did find that Interactive Metronome made a huge difference in his ability to focus, his physical coordination and his internal synchonization. I do know the path we chose isn't right for every family, but I don't fear drug use, risk taking, or poor self-esteem for this child who has found himself. I support your decision to parent your son in the way that works for him. I hope you'll do the same for me.

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