"Here's Mud in Your Eye"

My sister and I took the kids to the Little Rock Zoo today. 
The highlight of that experience was when we were standing beside the
chimpanzee exhibit.  Apparently one of the chimps took some
exception to being stared at, he picked up a handful of mud and flung
it through the air at the spectators.  Tucker ducked.  My
sister wasn't so quick or so lucky. 

After the zoo, we went to the IMAX theater for a screening of "Forces of Nature."  Tornadoes, earthquakes, volcanoes ... oh my! 

As we speak the kids are playing outside and I have my feet up. 

Tomorrow we are going to Crater of Diamonds state park where we hope to find that one in a billion stone. 

I'm thinking of you guys and hope that you are having a GREAT Spring
Break.  - Dawn, during my nap this yesterday, I dreamed about you
on a roller coaster.

My children know interstate rest stops.
The new one half way from Amarillo to
the Oklahoma state line has the nicest playground
we've seen since Cairo, Illinois.

I make that sound, the one the cave
mom made when her youngest confessed
he didn't "go" before they left the cavern.
We like to check the map, and giggle
about how they knew that "we'd be here"
and just when to put the red push pin in place.
I walk and stretch, they tumble like puppies.
Then we are back in the car so fast
my dad would be proud of our rest stop skill.

We drive past the place in New Mexico where the
wind blows hard enough to steal the top slice
of bread from our sandwich.  It's not the hot
dry breeze we avoid, it's the "no facilities" sign.

From Florida to Minnesota, Virgina to Colorado
we go, and go again, because we haven't seen them All.

"Mom, stop writing poems!  When the wheels hit the bumps
at the side of the road, my cd player skips."

Southern Livin'

I'm home in the south.  A place where we have words unique and colorful.  Like j'eet - as
"j'eet yet?"

The drive across the midst of the country was uneventful.  Mostly.  I was thinking lyrical thoughts this morning so I was working on a poem, until Michael said, "Mom, stop writing poems cause when the wheels hit the bumps at the edge of the road my cd player skips."

Picky kid.

I would write more about the trip, but there's basketball on tv and I have a pent up need to watch it. 

Three people

Two weeks

One suitcase

-----

Okay, so there are also a couple of bags that have books, snacks and cds.  There is room LEFT OVER in the trunk, and there's nothing in the front seat next to Momi.  There's a chance that I'm going to figure out this traveling light thing.

_____

My Dad is getting a new computer as we speak ... As I type?  Right now.  My ex-husband is already in Arkansas setting it all up for him.  Someday, I think there's probably a book in the "all one big happy family" scene that is my life.  But the point of this paragraph was supposed to be that I expect I'll be able to check in while we're traveling and let you know what's up.

-----

Remember how I told you that my mom broke her arm?  Tucker has been very concerned about this.  He was playing outside and I got concerned because it was getting a little dark so I sent Michael to fetch him.  When they came inside, Tucker said, "Mom, there is the biggest moon outside, it's beautiful.  And it made me feel like dancing.  So I was dancing and singing a song to God asking for Grandma to be healed."   Now is that cool or what? 

Swampulated

Michael has a Science Fair Project due tomorrow.

I have an IEP meeting with school personnel - also tomorrow.

Spring break starts on Friday so I have to have everything ready for us to leave early Friday morning.  We'll be in Arkansas for about 10 days.  And did I mention that my mother fell on Monday and broke her arm?  So there's a LOT of work that I'll be doing while I'm there to help her with Spring cleaning.  I'll be cooking for the whole family - all my siblings, my nephew and his wife - the whole hee haw gang is coming in for an Easter reunion.  And I'll be making enough extra that we can put things in the freezer so that Mom won't have to worry about cooking for a couple more weeks after I've headed back this way.

Um - I'll check in when I can.

And do you think its significant that of all the "T" choices, the program generated "twisted" in both arrays?  And Insane twice in the same name?

Sorry Guys This one says "Girls Only"

You are a Lioness. Devoted to keeping her family
safe - you are warm and very protective over
your own beliefs. You are probably very
sensitive when it comes to matters close to the
heart and you are prone to over-react slightly.
You friends and family adore you.

What type of cat would you be? GIRLS ONLY
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday Monday ...

     We had a lovely quiet weekend in the Verrette Villa.  Nothing burned, nothing was broken, and the boys even cleaned their room.  ( I promised them that no children would be allowed to play computer games until the chores were done. )  We are counting down the days until Friday when the kids' Spring Break begins and we leave town for a visit with grandparents, and cousins.  Tim has agreed to meet us in Arkansas so we'll get to see him as well. 

     I read with interest the many comments regarding my decision to try medication for/with Tucker.  It's never an easy decision for me to use any medication for any reason.  I'm the woman who managed to make it over 10 years without an injection of any kind between my high school/college days when I was required to be immunized against ... something ... and the day my oldest son was born. 

     With ADHD in particular people line up with strong opinions on both sides of the medication aisle.  Although the disorder has been well documented for over a hundred years, many people still argue that it is a "made up" issue.  I know that I have held the opinion that it was certainly over-diagnosed.  I've seen kids who were medicated into a pale quiet version of themselves that was heartbreaking to see.  We also have long misunderstood the progress of a person with ADHD believing it to be something that fades with time.  And we have not thought it to be equally present in boys and girls. 

     Again and again I have smacked my own head against these assumptions.  But it doesn't take a genius to discover a pattern looking back in my own life.  Report card after report card detailing my impulsivity and lack of "self-control".  The lectures my parents gave me.  The disappointment they expressed in my performance.  And all along, the assumption that because I was a little girl, I should be quieter, calmer, more deliberate... the list goes on.

     And I grew up believing that.  I believed it so much that I felt like a failure and a sub-standard human when I failed to suppress my passion and my spontaneity.  I have felt my whole life that I teeter on the delicate edge between being tolerated and being rejected.  Because it was beyond my imagination that I might be appreciated and accepted as I am.  I have learned that it isn't quite the way I always believed.  I have found a measure of acceptance and love from my friends that constantly amazes me.  I don't ever take you for granted. 

     I don't want Tucker to go though his life wondering if today will be the day that he'll cross the line. 

     The largest and most clinical trial in the history of NIMH was conducted to compare treatment by medication, treatment by behavior modification and cognitive therapy, and what is loosely termed a "community based control sample" which was the group who received no treament beyond the occasional school program and parenting at home. 

    The results were astonishing.  Kids who got the meds did far better than the kids in the other groups.  And equally as well as kids who got both meds and therapy.  The kids without treatment had far greater incidents of "death by misadventure", death in driving accidents, teenage pregnancy; sexually transmitted diseases; alcohol and other substance abuse; low self-esteem, poor self concept; and academic underachievement.  As adults the untreated group had difficulty holding jobs, significant incidence of imprisonment, and a divorce rate far greater than the general population. 

     I don't want to suggest or recommend that you put your kids on medication if they are having behavior problems.  There are a lot of reasons for kids to act out other than ADHD.  But if a person/child is struggling having them evaluated for treatment isn't the worst thing you could do. 

     I've been working to set up a website for my Synergy Worldwide business.  If you haven't checked it out, I'd invite you to visit me there and let me know what you think! 

   Have a GREAT Monday.  And a wonderful week.   

PS - Have you tried that Crest Vanilla Mint toothpaste?  It tastes like Christmas. 

It's a Beautiful Day

I read with interest the comments pro and con on using meds with kids who have ADHD.  The decision was a difficult one for me to make for a lot of reasons.  Probably the strongest reason comes from my younger days when I worked as a counselor in a children's psychiatric facility.  I formed an opinion then that many times the use of medication was not for the child's benefit but for the caregiver.  I'd see bright eyed little boys (mostly boys) turn dull and listless under the yoke of chemicals that depressed their spirit. 

But watching my child struggle all year with situations that were beginning to hurt him in ways that I would have given my right arm to alleviate, brought me to the point of willingness to try.  I mean, if I truly am willing to do whatever I can to help him, shouldn't the whatever include medication if that's one of the options? 

So it was with considerable ambivalence yesterday morning that I dispensed that medication.  I fretted about it all day. 

Yesterday, when I picked up the boys from school, Tucker's teachers were lined up to talk with me.  He had a day that was so good that they couldn't get over it.  The study hall teacher said, "He was here for 5 whole minutes before I realized that he was in the room and that has NEVER happened before."  They showed me samples of his work from yesterday.  It was neatly printed, correctly spelled, and legible. 

Tucker got positive feedback all day from everyone.  He was walking on clouds last night. 

I got my tax "refund" yesterday, so I'm going today to see if I can get my brakes fixed.  It's looking like a beautiful day.

It Has Come to my Attention

That people are missing from my SIR.  I was talking about it yesterday over lunch with Jason and Maria, that I've noticed that some people are missing from my SIR.  And then this morning I was checking and sure enough MARIA wasn't there.    I'm not impressed.  I have found four others over the past couple of weeks who are also "gone missing".  So I don't know if Xanga's recent upgrades had something to do with it or what happened.  I just thought that some of my old friends weren't posting as much these days. 

But I just looked at the total number - and it's rather embarrassingly large - but it's down by about 20 people from what it should be.  Has anyone else had this problem?

Living up to Expectations

Well, we spent our two hours with the psychiatrist yesterday.  And I got good news, more good news, and bad news. 

The boys liked him, he was pleasant, easy to talk with, good and handling me ... so what's not to like?  They relaxed and showed him their true selves.  They were polite with thank you, please, no thank you and you're welcome.  Oh and "may I please ..." a couple of times.  But they were all over the place.  Tucker ran laps around the table while he was answering questions.  Michael answered the questions that he heard rather than what was really being asked. 

I expressed my concern for Tucker's self-esteem.  I mean right now anyway, he seems not to have any serious esteem issues.  But what must it be like for him to live in a world where he's redirected, told to sit down, told to pay attention, told to finish his work, singled out a hundred times for every one time that the kid next to him is given the same feedback.  How many days can that go on before he starts to wonder what's wrong with him?  And the doctor uncovered a little of that already happening when he interviewed Tucker. 

At the end of the session we left with a prescription for both of them to address ADHD and the recommendation that they both be signed up with a psychologist for group therapy to address specific behavioral and social issues. 

The doctor did not give us the diagnosis I was expecting for Michael.  He looked at all the different aspects of autism and said what I've heard before.  He doesn't fit neatly into "Autism" because he's too high functioning, but he doesn't fit into "Asperger's" because he has language disturbance.  SO the diagnosis remains "Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified."  That makes it harder to deal with the school because they really need that word "Autism" on a piece of paper before specific services are authorized to help him.  ~sigh~

The doctor talked with me for a long time.  Asked a lot of questions about the past year, what had happened with the divorce, and how the kids were doing now.  I don't think you have to be a mind reader to know that I've worried a lot about this.  I've felt guilty that doing the right thing for me was exactly the wrong thing for my kids.  And I've thought that was a mistake.  They are kids.  They need to be put first.  What does it mean for them long term that they have had to make the adjustments they've made?  What does it mean for us as a family that we haven't been able to give them 100% of the support they have to have to make it?  I mean, it's hard enough for "normal" kids when things happen.  But when you have kids who have ... problems like my kids have, it seems to me that it's exponentially worse. 

So I was expecting that he would talk to me about the damage and tell me things about how to undue it, or work to restore ... but he didn't.  He looked at the kids, watched the way they interacted with me and with each other.  And then he said the words that finally broke me down and had me bawling.  "You are a good parent."

After that appointment I was so emotionally drained that I just came home.  It was a lovely day.  The kids played outside for a little while.  And I just vegged out.  I needed to do that.  I talked to a couple of friends.  Drank a diet coke ...

Then we swung by the library and picked up a few books.  Went to the pharmacy and filled their prescription.  Happily, it's the kind of med that should tell us within a few short days whether they are being helped.  So we start that this morning.  Wish us luck. 

I haven't been keeping up with your sites this week.  And I'm sorry for that.  It seems that when I get emotional, I just can't sit still in my chair long enough to read.    Please don't give up on me.  I'll be back around. 

Terri

Psyched Out

It's been a long time coming.  We've done testing we've done all kinds of evaluations.  We've used every non-pharmaceutical possibility, but Tucker just isn't doing well in school.  So we are seeing the psychiatrist today to be evaluated for meds. 

I hate this. 

Michael is seeing the psychiatrist too.  Up until now, everytime we've been in the doctors have said, "well, he certainly LOOKS like ______ but we'll put Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified on the chart because that other word is a pretty heavy label,"  Only - in order to get the assistance we need from the school, we have to have that other word.

I hate this too.

You know how gree M&M's are the best?  Green jelly beans are not.