What can I say ...

About a boy who hates to change his underwear and shrinks from the bath as though he's afraid he'll melt like the wicked witch?  What would you say about a kid who never cries when he falls and hurts himself but always cries when he realizes that he's been unkind to his brother or his friends?  How would you describe a child who never stops moving unless he's in the car and then even with the volume on his CD player set so high that we can all hear his Beach Boys album - we hear his snoring even louder?  How I express to him what it does to my  heart when he picks out gifts for his brother and favors for his cousins before he asks for anything for himself.

Today ... I say, "Happy Birthday, Tucker." 

Thank you, God, for eight  years of wonder, laughter and "what on earth was that kid thinking ..."

New Year's Resolutions

In 2005 I will achieve the following

Professional:

1 - Do the work necesary to become a very successful mortgage lender.  Making a minimum of 2 presentations per week to realtor groups.  Taking donuts where necessary.  And then following through by finding the best loans possible for every client.

2 - Do the work necessary to create residual income with Multi-Level Marketing.

3 - Complete three books currently in the works.  Write consistently and attend workshops to improve.

Personal:

1 - Attend to my children's mental, physical, emotional and spiritual development.

2 - Resume my "get-healthy" regimen which has been allowed to slide in recent months.  Sub-goal: lose another 30 pounds in 2005

3 - Read two books a week to engage and stimulate my mind  (then slip in a book or two every now and then as pure mental junk food.)

4 - Become religious about my spiritual disciplines.  Make the time I set aside for meditation, prayer, and study firm and consistent

5 - Take at least one bubble bath per week.

6 - Follow my heart more and listen to my fears less. 

7 - Open my arms and embrace.

If it's Tuesday, I must be in Arkansas ...

Okay, that didn't make much sense but it seemed like the thing to type at the time.  I wish I could think of something witty and entertaining to write, but the truth is that nothing particularly entertaining is happening here.  I've been reading.  Resting some.  Doing a bit of business.  Maybe tomorrow I'll be a more interesting person.  I had good intentions to do some serious commenting around Xanga, but I was thwarted in my plan by my brother packing up his laptop and heading out to his house in Prescott.  Dad has a computer but he USES it - a lot.  And since I'm a guest...

Planes, Trains and Automobiles ...

Did you have a good holiday?  We did.  The family gathering on Friday night was especially fun.  We play "Dirty Santa" and since I hadn't been here for Christmas since that tradition was begun, my uncle explained the rules.  "All's fair in love and war ... and this ain't love."  My sister, Cheryl, and my cousin, Kristin, have obviously learned from Survivor because they formed an alliance that withstood all the pressures of family and they scored big time. 

My Aunt wound up with the tea cup set I brought.  And the game continued until just after 10:00 when I was sitting there with no present on my lap and there was only ONE left.  The one my brother David brought.  Everyone has learned to be wary of David bearing gifts.  Last year, he wrapped a set of finger cymbals and a  little instruction book on the Art of Belly Dancing.  They were looking at me.  I was looking at the sad little box - wrapped in a Chik-Fil-A bag - that  was sitting alone in the middle of the table that used to hold a mound of presents.  Sigh.  I couldn't say I wasn't warned.  Yes, I got a Rubber Ducky for Christmas

Well, like other families,  we had our share of traveling excitement.  The kids and I arrived safely last week before the weather hit.  Tim didn't fare so well.  He was supposed to drive over from Kentucky on Thursday, but the snowfall killed that plan.  So on Wednesday afternoon, he got a reservation to fly to Little Rock. 

The flight here was relatively uneventful except that the snow and ice were so bad in Louisville that after he called for a taxi, he had to hike a block and a half to meet it because the secondary streets were impassable.  Then on Saturday evening my Mom said to him, Oh, Thank God you aren't flying Delta to Cincinnati.  Only ... it was Delta and it was through Cincinnati.   

The phone line to Delta was busy non-stop from Saturday evening until yesterday morning so we drove the hour to the airport so he could try to work it out with someone at the ticket counter.  After he stood in line long enough to see that the line wasn't moving at all, he picked up their courtesy phone.  Within minutes, he had a new ticket that would route him through Atlanta and get him all the way home.  The flight left this morning at 7:20.  Did I mention that my parents live an hour away from the airport?  We had to leave this morning at 5 for him to make that flight.  He just called me from Alanta to let me know he'd made it that far.  But apparently we Verrette's have an ability to attract unwanted scrutiny like people who's last names start with no other letter of the alphabet.  He was singled out for the "special" attentions that airport security sometimes bestow.  According to Tim, Little Rock security was more thorough than Chicago security was on the trip where he didn't have his ID with him. 

Hopefully, the travel nightmares are over and we can all settle down to play with our Christmas toys.  The boys with their trains and CD players - me with my rubber ducky.

Cabin Feverish

Jared: Tucker pinched my neck.

Tucker: Jared kicked me!

Jared: AFTER he pinched my neck.

Tucker: Well, he ... he... he repaid evil with evil!

We've only been snowed in for what?  6 hours?  Remind me again what was I thinking about that close family holiday thing?

Oh THe Weather Outside is Frightful ...

And the kids are so delighted.  We have a nice layer of ice topped by 2-3 inches of snow.  It's a white christmas all right.  And we're all stuck in the house.  The highways were closed last night and travellers were stranded.  One of my sister's co-workers couldn't make it home.  So we hosted her here.  She's a sweet little thing - barely 20 years old, pregnant - had no business out in an Arkansas ice storm.  So we brought her here to this nuthouse. 

I'm not sure what hte plans are for today.  I need to do a but more shopping.  But I don't know when or how.  Gonna be fun. 

But on the plus side, It's looking like I'll have time here to do what I haven't done in a year.  Make it around to all my SIR to wish you good things and a Merry Christmas.

Reunited and It feels so GOOD -

It's been six long months.  I've been sad and lonely.  But all is well now.  I'm back in Arkansas and I have reclaimed what I left behind.  Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus in Dictionary form.  Aaaaaaaaaaah.  I missed you. 

I missed my family too, but they CALL me. 

Star of Evening

It's never an easy thing, my relationship with my mother.  This week I've spoken to her three times on the phone and three times we've almost had a fight.  It's pretty hard as a general rule to provoke me into a fight.  But it can be done. 

The fights this week have been about how I'm going to drive to Arkansas.  She doesn't like my plan.  I've offered alternatives that would address the specific issues she's concerned about, but she doesn't like those plans either.  So I'm sticking with what I originally said. 

Because I make jewelry, I can do that with no additional investment in materials.  I have enough on hand to make earrings and bracelets for every little girl in the clan.  SO I asked my sister to find out whether or not one of my little cousins had pierced ears.  My Mom got wind of that and called to let me know that "everyone knows your circumstances and no one expects you to do anything - in fact, if you bring presents, we'll all be upset."  Have I mentioned that I have pride?  At least my fair share if not a little extra. 

And of course, there are the perrennial remarks about my weight and my hair.  You'd think if you overheard my Mom that she MUST be talking about some wild hippie boys child with hair out of control.  But no.  For some reason it disturbs her that I'm a 40 year old with long hair.  Okay, in reality it's been her mission in life to keep me in the girl version of a crew cut since the day I was born, but for the past 22 years I've been out from under her control (of this area anyway) and it just purely chaps her hide to see me with my wild brazen brassy hair.  You know, I MIGHT even look better with shorter hair, but it chaps my hide to even consider cutting it because then she might feel she's won. 

So why on earth am I griping about my mom and my fights with my mom?  Well, I'm packing my bags today, and tomorrow I'll be leaving for Malvern.  I'm going to meander my way through West Texas.  I'll spend the night Saturday in Amarillo.  I'll be in Dallas on Sunday.  And then I'm heading on to Malvern either Monday night or Tuesday depending on whether I'm able to work out a visit with some friends in that area.  (So if you're in Dallas and you'd like to say "hi" here's your chance!)

The boys and I were here alone for Thanksgiving and although we managed, can I be honest?  It sucked.  It sucked BIG TIME.  I miss family and friends during the holidays.  It doesn't matter that I know that I'll fight with my mom, or that I'll be sleeping on a twin sized foldout cot.  It doesn't matter that I won't be returning home in any kind of obvious triumph.  Over the past year, I've done a lot of things I never thought or expected that I'd have to do.  And I'm making it.  My kids are happy and healthy.  In spite of frustrations and set-backs, I'm making it.  That's a success I can savor. 

But when I start toward Arkansas, I'm not a woman strong and confident.  I'm a child wishing for the approval of mom and dad.  I'm a little girl who wants a hug.  I'm the daughter coming home.

Star of Evening, herd them home
whom Dawn disperse, now Day is over:
kid to its, lamb to its, child to its
mother.

Sappho

Travel Plans

We spent Thanksgiving here alone.  I'm just not up for doing the same over Christmas.  So after the kids get our for Christmas break, I'm taking them to my parent's house in Arkansas.  It's a long way to Arkansas from here.  17 hours of driving.  So I made a pre-emptive strike against the backseat shenanigans that are bound to happen.  I stopped in the library and picked up eleven volumes of Hank the Cow Dog.  Hank is cool.  And the kids don't mind him either.    I figure we'll alternate between story time and Christmans music time.  Ought to be a good trip.

Mom - I'm losing!

So Michael was sitting at the table working diligently ove a paper I assumed was homework.  I sat down beside him to inquire ... no, turns out he was playing tic tac toe against an imaginary opponent.