November 20, 2004

• The Week from Hell

  
  

  Seriously, this has been one of those weeks that I'm tempted just to not even write about because it's depressing enough to simply have lived through it.  But I made that comment to someone yesterday and was encouraged that other people are in the same place I was a few short months ago.  Simply unaware of the kind of things I'm learning now and that some people have been living with for years. 

  
  

  My bad week started on Tuesday morning.  See, isn't that just typical?  You have a decent Monday and you relax a little then wham, it gets you.  I had an appointment at 9 am to be oriented to my rights and responsibilities now that I'm officially in the system.  8:30 am My kids have to be dropped at school which is in the far north eastern corner of Colorado Springs, and the location of my appointment is downtown.  Far Far away.  According to yahoo maps, it's a 25 minute trip.  I made it in 20. 

  
  

  8:50 am Take my place in the line of people waiting to sign in.

  
  

  9:05 am Still in line, they come and remove the sign-in sheet when I ask about it, the woman lectures me on my responsibility to arrive in a "timely" manner.  I've been informed that my attendance is mandatory to demonstrate my "compliance" with the rules.  So I ask what my options are.  I'm told I have to come back that afternoon at 1:30 for the next session.  These sessions are three hours.  My kids get out of school at 3:45 - I'm seeing a problem.

  
  

  Back at home, I call everyone I know which doesn't take long.  There isn't anyone available to pick up my kids for me.  I called the afterschool program that meets at my kids elementary school and get a recording saying they will call me back within 24 hours.

  
  

  12:15 I pick up my kids from school

  
  

  1:00 we arrive together downtown

  
  

  1:45 - the 1:30 meeting begins which irritates me terribly since I was there and in LINE this morning but they couldn't give me five minutes grace to get upstairs and now I'm having to wait on them taking their time.  But I'm nice, I don't say anything.

  
  

  1:47 - the woman leading the meeting singles me out for a lecture because I brought my kids with me.  I'm told that this is not allowed and that it's my responsibility to make arrangements for them.  With as much dignity as I can muster, I inform her that I have no option and either they are with me, or I have to leave.  She continues the lecture for a few more minutes but then tells me that this one time, she'll be "nice".

  
  

  For the next 2 1/2 hours we are spoken to alternately as though we have an IQ of 10 or as though we are criminals attempting to defraud the system.  I learn that the way it works is that the amount of benefit assigned to my family is divided by minimum wage and I am required to "volunteer" that many hours at a non-profit agency to which I will be assigned.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the very definition of indentured servitude?  And I'm wondering, what if I had three or four children?  Because as it stands now, they are talking about approximately 30 hours of my time - PER WEEK.  In addition to working, I mean "Volunteering", to demonstrate my good faith (any lack of volunteering will result in an escalating list of "sanctions"), I'm supposed to be making a set number of job contacts per week in an effort to get myself gainfully employeed as soon as possible.

  
  

  You know what?  I understand the need to be gainfully employeed.  I understand the need for people to support themselves and leave the government to do what it does best, interfering on a large scale in the affairs of nations rather than forcing it to be concerned with individual citizens and their children.  I even understand how some legislator who has never been where I am and never come closer than the anectdotes about "welfare queens" to understanding the issues involved ... I can understand how this person might think that this is a good idea. 

  
  

  But can I be honest?  By the end of the day, I wanted nothing more than to invite any and all representatives of this system to shove it up their ass.  It's only the fact that I'm trying to take care of my kids first and foremost before I salvage my pride that I was able to keep my mouth shut.

  
  

  Oh, and when I left, other the people in the room stopped me, or stopped one of my kids and complimented us on how well behaved they were, how non-disruptive they were.  They spent their time sitting quietly in the corner drawing in their coloring books.  Twice they made a quiet trip around the perimeter of the room to a water fountain and then returned to their place. 

  
  

  That was just my Tuesday, btw. 

  
  

  I have learned that I'm in a very privileged position considering what I could be facing.  I have a computer and Internet access (thanks to the kind insistence of a friend to be allowed to pay for it)  which gives me access to making online job applications.  I have a college degree.  I have reliable transportation.  I have access to a phone.  I have a mailing address.  I have my own apartment where my kids and I have our own beds.  I have so MANY things that other people don't have.  Mostly thanks again to my friends who have determined that they are not going to let me fall.  And still, finding my way into a job, has been an uphill nightmare that I'm not out of yet. 

  
  

  Then there's child care.  I finally got a call back from the afterschool program.  Their minimum is the flexible 1-2 day a week plan for which I would have to pay $22 per child per week whether we ever use it or not.  That's the program for people who have limited means. 

  
  

  I've gone through training to be a loan officer with a wonderful mortgage broker here in Colorado Springs and I know that if I can close even two loans a month, I'll be able to support myself and my kids.  So I'm doing everything I can to make contact with realtors, I'm networking, I'm handing out business cards.  I've taken three applications this month and one of those is going to close, so I am making progress. 

  
  

  I didn't know how hard it could be.  I didn't know how many obstacles are placed between people who are sincerely trying and the goals for which they are working.  I just didn't know and it makes me ashamed now that I haven't done more in the past to be sensitive and supportive of people I knew who were trying and weren't getting very far very fast. 

  
  

  When Tim and I divorced, our agreement included 6 months of maintenance for me, designed to help me while I was getting on my feet.  The bulk of that money went to cover the cost of maintaining my health insurance.  And since it's been more than six months, I now have no maintenance and no insurance.  I asked about community resources when I applied at the welfare office and I was told they could put me on a waiting list and that usually they could get people in for an appointment with a physician within 4-6 months.  I know she thought I was being sarcastic, but I asked her what if I have something now that I need to be seen for.  And her answer was that "beggars can't be choosers".

  
  

  I'm a healthy person with education motivation and resources.  My friends have been fantastic.  They have over the course of these months picked up the tab for bills I couldn't pay, and for luxuries I wouldn't have bought for myself.  My kids have experienced the care of friends from far away who have gone above and beyond to make sure that they know that they are loved and that they are valuable people.  It has become an adventure for them to go to the mailbox.  And it makes their Momi cry to see how much it means to them when they receive a card, a box of markers, some Halloween candy. 

  
  

  We had the IEP meeting at the school this week.  And I heard that although my kids have issues, Michael's autism in particular is a real obstacle for us to work through, both the boys are doing well.  I heard from the counselor who sees them in group therapy that they are both doing very well adjusting to the massive life changes they've experienced. 

  
  

  I have a friend who says that if he wins the lottery, his ultimate dream is to open a soup kitchen.  A place that looks like a real restaurant where no one is presented with a bill.  You pay what you can afford to pay as you leave and no one asks you for more.  No one makes you listen to a sermon or talks to you like you are stupid or criminal.  A place where people can receive mail and make phone calls.  A place where a voicemail box for messages can be established for anyone who asks.  A place that offers a chance to people who literally have no access to the things they need in order to get into that magical place of opportunity.  It's not a dream I would have understood a year ago.  I'd have said, Aaaaaaawwww, that's NICE!  But I wouldn't have understood it. 

  
  

  I know a lot of you are thinking now about opportunities your family will have for service this coming Holiday season.  I'd like to make a couple of suggestions.  That Christmas tree at the mall?  Where there are paper ornaments with names of kids who won't be unwrapping a present if we don't help?  That's a really good place to start.  The Salvation Army is hurting really bad thanks to an enormous financial "gift" that came with so many strings attached that it can't be used - so people are thinking that "hey, they just got a ton of money so we'll give our dollar to someone else this year."  We still have service men and women around the world who need to be remembered.  It's the time of year that many charities depend on for donations to support their efforts throughout the year.  Find one with a mission you can relate to.  And give something of yourself.   

  
  

  Don't send donations to me.  I already have a people who are doing everything that they can to take care of us.   I would like your prayers that I'll be able to connect with people in this community to build my mortgage lending business.  I'm with a very good company that can help people with less than perfect credit to get better loans than anyone else can offer.  Plus all this experience is giving me something to write about.  Right? 

  
  

   

  
  

   

  • 1:40 pm
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