August 17, 2004

  • Two Steps Forward


    After my last entry and up until this afternoon I've been on an emotional rollercoaster like you would not believe with some extreme highs and frightening lows.  I'm not even sure where to start to talk about all that's happened in the last 48 hours.  So I think I'll begin with a high.  I had the opportunity and privilege yesterday to meet two Xangan's I've been reading for a long time.  Jason was one of the first Xangans who "discovered" me and encouraged me here.  His wife, Maria, is a newer Xanga acquaintance, but I've found her to be an encourager as well. 


    Meeting them in real life was simply fabulous.  We got together for lunch and spent our time laughing, talking and sharing information about living in Colorado and getting help for our special needs children.  They are several steps ahead of me in that process and have provided me with names and phone numbers and a great big shot in the "I can do this" arm which was beginning to feel a little emaciated. 


    Maria had to go back to work but Jason and I took another hour to walk around the Outlet Mall in Castle Rock.  Yes, I DO love an Outlet Mall.  And while I'm on malls and walking, I have a tip for the pantyhose wearing folks amongst us.  Dillard's Silk Elegance pantyhose, the Barely There version.  Wow.  See, I'm not used to wearing pantyhose all that often.  For that matter I'm not used to running around in high heels.  Both of which I was doing yesterday.  By midafternoon, I didn't care if I ruined my hose, I was done with the whole pain in my feet thing.  Jason, bless his heart, didn't bat an eyelash when I kicked off the heels and walked around the mall in stocking feet.  Here's the reason I mentioned the name brand of those hose.  When I got home and took them off, they had NO noticeable damage even after an hour of that abuse.  And this is an outdoor mall, so I was walking on asphalt and concrete, not carpeting and smooth tile.  So maybe I'm just out of the pantyhose groove, but I was very impressed. 


    Okay back to Jason and Maria, they were just wonderful.  And I have to tell you this about Jason, when he married Maria last year, he also married her four kids.  As he talked about them yesterday, the love and commitment that he holds for each of them lit up his face.  There are few things that touch me more deeply than seeing a father's heart for his children and Jason revealed his tenderness over and over during our conversation.  I am really looking forward to my next visit with this couple and next time, we plan to bring all the kids!   


    This morning I had a meeting with a counselor talk about issues I've been wrestling with.  She talked with me about the full range of my concerns including my hopes for employment.  I am very impressed by the way that she dealt with my practical needs as well as my emotional and psychological needs. 


    There are days, more often than I care to admit, when I feel a lot weaker than I care to be.  As much as I don't like it and struggle with it, I have to say that I'm learning from it.  The first thing I'm learning is that no matter how weak I feel, my feelings on the matter aren't reliable.  And the second thing I'm learning is that I am surrounded by fantastic people.  After living for so long in a place where there was literally no one I could call for a cup of sugar much less ask to meet real needs, I'm now in a sea of support.  It's unlike anything I've ever imagined and I'm frequently brought to tears by my gratitude to my friends and family who are getting me across this ocean in style.  No dinghy for this chick, no sir, on the sea of life, I have been upgraded to a first class yacht. 


    Oh, and this afternoon, I had to wait for Michael while he finished up some testing that wasn't completed last week.  I played on the playground.  I swung in the swing until my feet touched the sky.  And it was good..

Comments (18)

  • Sounds like life is good right now.. fabulous. 

    Its weird to be surrounded by so much help after not having any for so long, isnt it? 

  • Yes....two steps forward....keep on putting one foot in front of the other.    I'm in your cheering section.

  • Sending you lots of light and good feelings.  You know how to find me when times are tough or you need a friend.

    Mike

  • You seem to have a really great disposition on all this

  • so glad you are doing better hon--energy and hugs sent your way--bb Scarlet

  • I'm scarce, Terri...but I'm still here, still holding you in my heart.    I'm proud of you.

  • It is said that when your feet touch the sky...

    you walk on clouds...

    sail on... sail on!!!!

  • ...."noth'in but blue skies from now on.   "   wishing you more and more of good times. 

  • Keep swinging, my dear.  Keep swinging through the lows, because you KNOW the high is coming.

    I'm so glad you've found supportive folks who know exactly what you're going through. 

    I have no idea what autistic markers are, but certainly there seemed nothing particularly unusual about your wonderful kids when you were here!  However, whatever the situation may be in school I know you can meet whatever needs they have -- you already do; you already do.

    When we were at the Portland Children's Museum there was a group of adults with a group of autistic kids (one adult to each kid, all with "Autistic Children's Network," or some such name, on t-shirts).  The kids' behavior ranged from indistinguishable from the others to not-indistinguishable, but all the adults were completely hands-on, caring, careful people.  It made me think a lot about how, not too long ago, there was so much stigma attached to 'different' kids.  I think it's a fortunate time to have special needs.  Certainly anytime is a fortunate time to have a special Momi like Terri!

    I know I'm not here for your own needs like I want to be, but please know I'm thinking of you, always.

  • A visit with friends is always uplifting. I like how you make a point out of meeting your fellow xanga journalers when you can.

  • support is very important to have ... I am glad you have found some ..

  • as long as you don't hang upsidedown from the monkey bars when you're wearing the skirt and hose, you're doing alright.

    o_o  you didn't...right?   terri?  right????

  • I haven't been here in a long time. But reading this post has touched me deeply. I'm so happy you are finding those wonderful angels who come into our lives and offer the love and support we need - just when we need it the most.

    I have loved every meeting I've had with fellow Xangan's. In fact vcrimsom and jadedfey and I just had lunch together a few days ago. V is on her way back to England, as we speak.

    May your feet always touch the sky

  • You are lucky to have a "sea of support."  Personally, I would not even know what that is.  People expect favors from me, but G-d forbid I have the chutzpah to ask for a favor back.  When I have asked, people always say, "No."  That is part of the reason I do not want to speak to anyone in my family now.  I wish they would stop calling me.

  • next time take a second pair of shoes...

  • Dang...those must be some tough pantyhose.  No wonder crooks wear them on their heads.  

    Sounds like your new digs are good for you.

  • Jason's was the first weblog I ever read at Xanga. Of course Maria & I shared a connection from day one. They are certainly on my list of people to meet when a return trip to Colorado appears on my radar screen. Glad you had the chance to meet and continue to surround yourself with such a huge circle of support.

  • It is so awesome to know you have found such a great support system.  I am glad to see that you have people to help you through those lows.  The downs can get you and be hard to come through so heres hoping that you always find the road back up and the light ahead and never have to do it alone again :)

    Belinda

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