August 15, 2004
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Two Steps Back
One of the things that I've talked about so often that it's become the mantra I live by is that no matter what else is going on, the kids come first. I do everything I can to see to their sense of stability. And I've been congratulating myself that they seem to be doing really well. Only then I had to live through Friday.
At Michael's school they give assessments at the beginning of the year. The literacy test he took had a cut off of 600 for "at grade level" and Michael scored a 595. That was close enough that it was a judgment call for his teacher whether she would schedule him for a more comprehensive literacy test. But she wanted to talk to me, so we received notice that we were scheduled to come in at 2:30 Friday afternoon.
Michael can read. I should step back a little bit because most of what I'm thinking now took place in the year before I started blogging and since almost no one read this site for the first year I was writing it, even if I talked about it back then, I don't expect that you would know this. When Michael had his fourth birthday, he had not spoken a single coherent word. We were in a panic and having him tested at the very best center in Minnesota.
A year an a half later we had him retested in Indiana by the school system's recommended psychologist. At that time we were told that he would not be able to learn to read, that our expectations for this child needed to be adjusted to conform to the reality of his potentiality. I figured that if the school system couldn't teach him to read, I could do no worse than that, so I started schooling him at home.
In all of the testing we had done the word "autism" came up over and over. But the way that a diagnosis is made, the tester looks at ten different markers. The child has to have 6 of the ten in order to be labeled autistic. Michael has 5.
He's been displaying all five of those markers in a rather severe way at school.
And of course, because everything is always about me, I went into a real tailspin thinking what should I be doing? what COULD I be doing to help my child?
And I still don't know.
Comments (17)
"...our expectations for this child needed to be adjusted to conform to the reality of his potentiality."
That has to be one of the hardest things a parent can hear, Terri.
I'd like to think that maybe his acting out is a residual effect of the changes he has (along the rest of the family) gone through this year. You never know how kids will deal with things, no matter how smooth the transition (but you know that).
And it's not all about you...it's about all of us who have shared our lives here.
Having met you, I know there's nothing I can say that you haven't already had pop up as a thought. But I can tell you this (because I'm bossy that way)...don't you dare start beating yourself up over this. I know you'll do what needs to be done for Michael. And that you'll do so in a well planned, thoroughly investigated manner.
I still mean what I said right before you and Daff left here. I'm so proud of you.
Big hugs and much
(((hugs)))
I think perhaps you need some help--professional help that will help you figure out exactly what it is you need to do. I'm sure you've read much on the situation already and have a plan of attack, but maybe you need a specialist? Does the school recommend anyone or anything?
You can do this: Have faith. That Michael is everything that he needs to be at this moment. That kids don't need to be all the same. That variety is what makes us human. That "the reality of his potentiality" is greater than anything that can be measured by any kind of numeric test. That there is no failure that does not have some kind of (perhaps yet invisible) success on its flip side. It may not be the type of success that schools look for, but there is so much good in children that schools don't appreciate very well. You know your child and what he is good at best, and I have faith that you will support that part of him no matter what the professional assessments say. ((hugs))
I never had children, so I can only imagine what you must be going through as a parent. It's obvious, however, that you have your priorities right. Knowing when it's time to reach out for help is the first step towards recovery. Hope springs eternal (if we allow it), so I have faith that somewhere along this path you are on that the proper support will be forthcoming to get your son the assistance he needs to make it in this world. I wish you well.
Does the District have anything like an advocacy program that will help with his IEP? Certainly we are all jumping the gun here - further evaluation will need to occur before any kind of strategy takes place. My initial feeling is that he has an incredible teacher who is concerned and attentive to his needs. That is a MAJOR positive. Also, as he settles into the school year and gets into a routine, things may get better. But for now, it is worth seeing what kinds of avenues there are to get Michael some help.
MUCH
, Momi...
(((Mama Hugs!))) In times like these, one of the few places I find comfort for my child (or another person in need) and myself is Psalm 139. You are a good mother, and Michael (and you!) are fearfully and wonderfully made and will be everything that God has planned. Prayers for you both in the unknowing.
hope you find the answers soon
i highly recommend a child advocate.. and cosidering everything, i really think the IEP is something that should be done.
I read your site, and think that the only thing that the "label" of autism of autism will bring your son, is a lot of government of assistance.
The diagnosis of autism isn't going to change him, isn't going to change the way you love him, he is still going to be absolutely perfect. He just gets help for his markers.
All you can do ~ is what all us Mom's are great for ~ Love, nurture, and let him know he's surrounded by love at all times. Just do what comes naturally
There's a great site here online you may want to check out its http://www.conductdisorders.com they may have some great advice/info for you there.
Remember - above all else ~ it's not your fault! All us parents (expessially moms) tend to blame ourselves when things go haywire.
Blessings & hugs, ~Helena
Terri, don't be afraid. Don't give up. Don't stop trying. Look how far you have brought your boy. He can read...he was never supposed to be able to, right? Like all of us kids go through times of ups and downs, times when they do well or need extra help. You just keep praying, and while you pray seek information on IEPs, information from parents with kids with similar learning issues, advocates, etc. When you have peace about certain things you will know that it is the right thing to do. The peace will come when you pray and give your son's education back to the Lord, and then He will give that peace to you!
) Did that just make sense? lol
God will guide you...I will be praying for you and standing in the gap. You have done a great job so far and you just keep-on-keepin-on woman! **hugs**
Kathie
I know little to nothing about autism or teaching children with special needs, so, as much as I would like to, I can't offer any advice of any value. I would, however like to offer my support by letting you know that I feel for your concerns and wish you the best. Being a parent is the toughest and most rewarding venture that we undertake. I am at a lost as to how to do it properly so, I hang onto the notion that the important things, by a long shot, are love and caring. You certainly have that covered.
Bob
You are a good mother. Believe that. I'm sorry you are having a hard time just now. Blessings.
Terri I saw this movie on Lifetime last night about a mother who had twin boys and they both were autisic. I wish you could of seen what they accomplished. It was a true story. I also belive that as strong as you are and working with them they will reach mountains no one thought possible.
Hi Terri, I was a special ed and business teacher in another life (before I had children.) I have also been a homeschooling mom. I can see your struggles, and I commend you for searching for the right answer.
You are right that Michael was only five points away from passing that test. Are they testing him next year? Maybe he will score a little higher next year. Whatever it is you are doing with him keep on doing it.
I could make suggestions, but I am assuming that you are already doing these things with Michael depending on his age.
1) Read aloud together. Take turns reading pages or paragraphs. If he gets overwhelmed, let him choose one paragraph for every two pages you read aloud.
2) Read newspapers and magazines aloud together.
3) Read websites aloud together.
4) Set an example by reading books for yourself.
I think you probably are doing everything right. As I already said, I bet that Michael's scores will increase somewhat every year.
Albert Einstein also did not talk until he was four....some say nine...
It doesn't matter where we start out in life nor does it matter where we end up. Rather, "it is the distance we travel in between."
Shoshannah
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