March 17, 2004

• Luck of the Irish to Ye!

  
  

  If I weren't sure that I would screw up the beautiful job that Tina did designing my page, I'd have had everything green for today.  I didn't know much about St. Patrick until just a few years ago.  My awareness of St. Patrick's day was more about Irish pride and green beer than the man for whom the celebration is named.  I was surprised that we actually know quite a bit about him. 

  
  

  I'll go off the top of my head, you can correct me if I get these details wrong.  Patrick was the spoiled child of a wealthy family until sometime late in his teens when he was taken from his home in a midnight raid.  Transported to Ireland, he was sold into slavery and found himself living in extremely harsh and lonely conditions.  Several years later, he escaped and made his way back to his home, but sometime during all his sufferings and trials, he developed a heart of compassion for the people of Ireland.  He chose to go back.  He spent the rest of his life bringing the message of Christianity to Ireland and he articulated theology that in some circles is still on the cutting edge of understanding.  He was the first theologian to develop the anti-slavery doctrine that the rest of the Church only came around to some 1500 years later.  He was respectful of women and the Irish Church included women in ministry for hundreds of years until a papal decree brought an end to that practice.  We have writings attributed to Patrick which are probably not original documents, but are considered to be some of the most historically reliable documents of the era.  He was a remarkable man. 

  
  

  In the first volume of his Hinges of History series, Thomas Cahill contrasts Patrick with the great pillar of the church St Augustine of Hippo.  He titled the book "How the Irish Saved Civilization" - it might have been more appropriately titled "How the Irish Saved Christianity."  It's an interesting look into the life of a fascinating man, and it poses questions about how history might have been different if the Church had continued to follow Patrick's lead instead of lining up in the track laid down by Augustine. 

  
  

  *****

  
  

  In yesterday's comment section, Lettersat3am asked: Do those promises include the big one: marriage?

  
  

  She excused me from answering that question, but I will admit that it was on my mind even before she posed it.  I titled yesterday's blog Promises, Promises, this is the second time I've used that title.  The first blog I wrote under that heading contained the words of the vows that Tim and I spoke at our wedding.  I've thought a LOT about the promises we made that day and about the outcome fifteen years down the road. 

  
  

  We had a rather unusual ritual at our ceremony.  Instead of the "exchange" with each of us speaking one set of vows.  Tim spoke vows to me.  Then at the beginning of my part I first accepted his vow, then spoke my own.  Finally, he responded by saying that he accepted my vow.  We've talked some about the exact words we spoke, and about whether we kept the vows we made.

  
  

  Tim's vow to me was to value none above me, to allow nothing to come between us, and to give me his loyalty and his love.

  
  

  My vow was to offer myself completely to him, to stand with him and respect him, to care for and console him, to give him my love and faithfulness. 

  
  

  If I had said it, I think that it would sound as though I considered myself to have been better than I probably was.  But I will tell you that in one of the conversations that brought me to tears over the past several months, Tim and I discussed these vows.  He said to me that even now with all that has happened and knowing that we are on the verge of separation, that something he admired in me, was that he felt like I have never wavered from keeping my vow.  This came at the end of several difficult weeks between us.  He told me that he had really wanted to find a way to blame me, to feel angry with me.  He admitted that part of the reason he wanted to do that was to avoid facing his own responsibility.  But the more honestly he looked at the situation, the less he was able to do that.  It was the foundation of our beginning to really be friends.  

  
  

  Separating is hard.  From the time that we agreed that we would be healthier people apart from each other, we have worked very hard to find a foundation that will support our relationship from now on.  Regardless of our direct and legal connection to each other, we are now and will always be the parents of these two children.  For that alone, we have not only the option but the obligation to do everything in our power to separate as friends.  Part of building a friendship has been to not make promises.  We are both sceptical of promises right now, and we have focused hard on letting yes be yes and no be no.  Its working. 

  
  

  We took a final vow in our wedding ceremony, a joint vow that we spoke together with joined hands.  We promise to honor, protect, and support each other regardless of the circumstances of life.  So how strange is this?  We are changing our circumstances, but we are upholding that vow. 

  
  

   

  • 10:46 am
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