February 26, 2004

• Shoe Shopping ** With Update

  
  

  I really like shoes.  I have a dozen pair of black shoes with heels that range from nonexistent to 3.5", I was kind of thinking the addition of some strippy little sandals to my black shoe wardrobe would be nice, so I started looking around.  I like Nine West shoes, I've been there several times over the past month, and I found the sweetest pair of pumps with rounded "baby doll" toes and a little patent leather bow ... well, yeah, I bought 'em, but they weren't the strippy little sandals that I was looking for. 

  
  

  I've written here before about how our budget works, and one of the divorce conditions is that we keep the same budget until the divorce is final.  So for a few more paycycles, I still have an allowance and no guilt about using it on whatever I want.  I want shoes.  I know, there are other things I could probably use more, but this is what I want.  I want them like the little kid who wants that BB Gun for Christmas.   

  
  

  I have a friend who's been cautioning me about divorce insanity, and he's right.  There are some really insane things going on in my life and in my thinking.  Ideas that I would never have considered six months ago suddenly seem very reasonable.  I don't think that the divorce is making me selfish, of course, no one ever believes themself to be selfish so I recognize that my barometer may not be reliable in this regard.  I do believe that the divorce has made me re-evaluate the way I think about me, about what I want versus what my family wants.  See, I tend to elevate their wants into the needs category, and I put my wants down in the "maybe later" file.  I was chatting with another friend about assertiveness and she challenged me that instead of being assertive I too often slip over into the self-denying martyr role.  I really don't like the word martyr, but I can recognize when the shoe fits. 

  
  

  And speaking of shoes, I can't think of a better way to show myself that I'm not a martyr, than to indulge my shoe fantasy.  Okay, I still haven't found the sandals that I'm looking for, but that's okay, there's time.  I surfed over to a site I've been watching for several months and I found that a certain pair of shoes I've been lusting over is On SALE.  And the only size they have left happens to be my size ... coincidence?  Or a sign from God?  Wellllllllllll - what do you think?

  
  

  

  
  

  The only serious flaw I can imagine to these chocolate brown suede babies, is that I really don't have an appropriate outfit for them.  But they are ON SALE.  I must have them.  Right?  At the bottom of the order form there is that button ... submit or KEEP SHOPPING.  Well, after all, I didn't look at what else was available, I was just checking on these objects of my desire.  Surely it wouldn't hurt to look around ....

  
  

  Oh, MY.  I did look, and see some amazing things.  And came to another realization.  The lack of an outfit, is no deterent to a woman in a shoe-shopping mood.  I found a second pair - still not the strippy sandals.  I saw this next pair of shoes and well, before I show them to you, some background information is in order.  Several years ago, I was in Virginia visiting Mary.  (Who, BTW, has a new book of poetry available on her website that is a surprising, eclectic collection of poems that cover a wide spectrum of thoughts and topics.  AND if you buy a copy, you not only get the pleasure of her work, you'll be helping to fund the entertainment on my next trip to Virginia which is coming up in four weeks.  - So buy two, okay?) 

  
  

  While I was visiting with my friend, there was a large group of women who descended upon Washington, DC and attracted enough attention to get themselves featured on the evening news.  Have you heard of this?  They call themselves the Red Hat Society and they get together every so often for lunch.  The only "requirements" are that each lady must wear a red hat and a purple outfit.  They kind of stand out in the crowd.  That's the point, these are women of a "certain age" who tend to be oeverlooked when your eye scans the room.  They are pleasant but nothing in the extremes that get you noticed.  They aren't young enough for hot young babe status, they aren't old enough for the elegant matron role.  Mostly they are recent empty-nesters although women like me who just got started late having babies are welcome even if their nest remains full.  They are just average women who don't want to drift quietly over to the side of the room and leave the floor to others every time.  So on their own comfortable schedule, they don the red hat and the purple outfit, and meet for lunch. 

  
  

  I have the red hat.  I had a purple outfit although I now need a new one.  I never bought the shoes that would complete it.  See, there's something about wearing a red hat and a purple outfit that demands just the right shoe to fit the attitude, and sadly, shoe manufacturers don't address this market.  But as soon as I saw these shoes ...

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

  

  
  

  Okay, my FIRST thought was, I can't WALK in those.  But my second thought was, wow THERE is attitude.  I've never seen an episode of the Red Shoe Diaries.  I know the premise of the show, women send their diary entries to a man "Red Shoes" and because he has advertised for stories of love, betrayal, sex and loneliness, he receives these vignettes which become the succeeding episodes.  Is it true?  Or did I get this wrong when my friend told me about the show that he reads these stories to his dog?  See that's the touch that I think makes the whole idea really cool.  Anyway, I'm thinking that any woman who owns this pair of shoes, can write a story. 

  
  

  And from that thought, I was convinced that I MUST have them.  I've been trying and trying to write, and staring at this spot on the wall.  Suddenly these shoes have become a talisman to me.  I don't HAVE to walk in them, I can sit here and WRITE in them.  Except for maybe every so often when I might meet a friend for lunch and I don't want to be seated over at the side of the room.

  
  

   

  
  

  ** Update ... I just received an email from the shoe people informing me that they will be unable to ship the brown shoes because they SOLD OUT.    However, I was offered a 10% discount on any other pair I might wish to order to replace these ....  Oh, what is a girl to DO! 

  
  

  And I know these heels LOOK really high - some of that is camera angle and the very narrow stiletto.  They are 11 cm which translates to about 4 1/4".  Since I am barely 5 feet tall, I'm looking forward to trying to walk in these.  I'm hoping they will "level" the playing field for me. 

  
  

   

  
  

   

  • 2:15 am
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