July 31, 2003

• Fighting Fair

  
  

  Several weeks back I posted an excerpt from Virginia Satir's book Peoplemaking which describes people living authentically - assertively.  Way down at the bottom of her description she says that fully human people fight fairly. 

  
  

  It's not easy to fight fairly, we live in a culture that tends to applaud when the underdog throws sand in the eyes of his opponent, we think of that as resourceful, plucky, and we approve the fact that the guys we've chosen to back will take advantage of every trick in the book to win.  I'd like to suggest that unfair tactics may win the fight, but ultimately they lead to loss.  The unfair tactic costs us our honor, our integrity and the trust of our potential allies in future fights.  Unfair may win the fight, but it costs us the war.

  
  

  It's not so hard to throw sand in the eyes of an opponent, it's much more difficult to get off the ropes and find that opponent's legitimate weakness.  I view the temptation to resort to unfair tactics as a signal that I should stop and take a closer look at my opponent and ask myself whether my opponent might not be in the right.  There is no loss of honor in conceding a battle when you have looked honestly at the other side's position and determined that they know what they are talking about. 

  
  

  At this point it would be disingenuous not to mention the battle that occurred on Xanga three days ago.  As the person who fired the opening shot of that little conflict, I realize that I bear significant responsibility for what happened later.  I am pleased and proud to say that for the most part the people who joined me stuck clearly to our original aims and avoided unfair tactics.  There was some confusion as is to be expected in anything involving more than one person.  But overall, the blogs written to raise awareness of the inconsistent manner in which Xanga has in the past enforced it's Terms of Use were carefully thought out and went no further than to call for consistent enforcement.

  
  

  The thing that has disturbed me greatly over the past few days is that a number of people, some of whom knew better, have characterized my position as being a call for censorship.  When I sent the email asking people to assist me, I requested that any blog written be linked back especially to myself, and then more generally to any of the other blogs that might be written.  One of the people who chose to enter the discussion chose not to provide that link, and from that blog, a counter-opinion spread that based itself not on a legitimate argument against our actual position, but on an argument against a position that was never promoted here.  In terms of logic, this is known as the fallacy of the strawman.  Instead of addressing the argument of your opponent, you stereotype the opponent, change his argument to something against which you have better ammunition, and you fight that strawman. 

  
  

  You may get in some good licks on the strawman, but you have lost your battle because you've chosen to fight unfairly.  The people against whom you make the false argument know its false and dismiss it.  The people who came late to the battlefield get caught up in a fight that they don't understand and say things that have nothing to do with the issue at hand.  This happened on Monday and Tuesday of this week and sadly, I've seen several Xanga friendships suffer as a result. 

  
  

  Some people noticed that in the original list of responders to my request there were men and women in almost equal number, we had people who come from Christian, Pagan, Atheist, and other religious and philosophical backgrounds, there were people who write poems, essays, and one that posts erotic fiction.  In other words, there were people from every corner of the Xanga world.  We certainly do not all agree with each other, and even the briefest of tours through those sites would have made it clear that the call was not for censorship.

  
  

  Some things we do have unintended consequences.  I learned on Monday that the ripples that go out from our blogs travel much further than I had previously realized and that has increased my sense of responsibility for taking care with the words I choose.  I learned that some things are indeed important enough that people can rise above personal differences to speak with one voice in calling for a solution and that has increased my sense of empowerment as an individual.  I also learned that it is possible, although I will frankly admit that I had my doubts going in, to achieve the intended result - in this case gaining the attention of the Xanga Team - without using unfair and negative tactics.  This last has increased my sense of hope that positive change is possible. 

  
  

  I'd like to thank The Xanga Team - John posted yesterday that he is in the process of making the Terms of Use issue a top priority.  That he is going through the backlog and attempting to render judgments on sites that have been reported.  In addition, he is exploring options proposed by several thoughtful Xangans for changing the way that abuse is handled on Xanga to make enforcement of the Terms of Use more consistent.  These are the outcomes we wanted to achieve.  I hope it won't sound too much like I'm bragging when I say that I am pleased beyond all measure that these outcomes came as a result of fair fighting. 

  
  

  Human beings living humanly are people who understand, value, and develop their bodies, finding them beautiful and useful.  They are real and honest to and about themselves and others; they are loving and kind to themselves and others.  People living humanly are willing to take risks, to be creative, to manifest competence, and to change when the situation calls for it.  They find ways to accommodate what is new and different, keeping the best parts of what is useful and discarding what is not.  When you add all this up you have physically healthy, mentally alert, feeling, loving, playful, authentic, creative, productive, responsible human beings.  These people stand on their own two feet, love deeply and fight fairly (and effectively.)  They are on equally good terms with their toughness and their tenderness and know the difference between them. - Virginia Satir, PeopleMaking

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