June 26, 2003

• Oh, My Goodness

  
  

  Buckle up folks, I have a fire in my bones and I can feel a sermon rising.

  
  

  A couple days ago someone left this comment in response to my profile picture, "Although I may not know you personally, I get a sense (call it woman's intuition if you would like) of goodness in you that so many others (as I) lack."  I understand that the person who said this meant it kindly, and I accept that kindness in the spirit it was offered.  My thinking over my response to this comment is part of what prompted me to post the Rights yesterday.  Usually when we think of escaping from the judgment of others, we have a mental image of the sour faced church-lady telling us we've been bad.  In my own life, the more subtle and dangerous judgments come from those who would paint me in the light and color of some extra "goodness." 

  
  

  See, I want to be good.  I want to believe the best of myself and to have the admiration of those around me.  I want people to look at me and think, when I grow up, I'd like to be like her.  Id love to think that I've achieved perfection.  I'd love to think that I've 'arrived' in my journey.  I'd love to feel superior, enlightened, wise. 

  
  

  I'm no more or less good than anyone around me.  I get angry and frustrated when things don't go my way.  I would happily control my family, my friends, and the neighbor's pet iguana if I could.  Oh, yes, my natural inclination is to do whatever I have to do to have my own way, to indulge my private pleasure regardless of its impact on you.  But the truth is that if I follow through on that inclination, I hurt myself, I hurt you, and the neighbor's iguana isn't too happy either. 

  
  

  I have ethics.  I don't always live by them or up to them.  My highest ethical position is to cooperate with the Great Creator.  It's my task to use my life and opportunities to increase compassion, joy and peace.  It's my calling to receive grace and to extend mercy.  It's my purpose to behave toward every person I touch as though I believe in my heart what I know in my head - that they have a worth beyond all measure and accounting - that they are a child of God.  

  
  

  My favorite Bible verse sums up our ethical responsibility this way, "He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God."  I've seen that verse on posters and bumper stickers.  But if you want to really get the flavor for how radical this verse is, read it in it's context.  The prophet Micah was on quite the soapbox leading up to this conclusion.  The people have fallen into the habit of lying manipulating abusing and oppressing.  They are living by the dog eat dog principle of social Darwinism.  You can't pay your rent because the crop has failed, the man is off to war,  the baby got sick - well that's too bad, I hope you enjoy your life in that box under the overpass.  Then the very people who are doing the oppressing are turning to the temple with sacrifices and offerings for their sin.  They lie prostrate before the altar in a FALSE position of humility and the prophet screams at them GET UP!  GET UP AND GET OUT!  The Lord doesn't want your SACRIFICES?!?!?!?  He wants your hearts.  When you have figured out that we are ALL the children of God and we are ALL due love, respect, mercy and kindness - that's the sacrifice God wants.  GET OUT!

  
  

  God is the Ultimately Real.  The only way to honor God is to do that which is ultimately real.  I have learned that applying the principles of Judeo-Christian ethics means that when I choose to give my time, attention, energy, however you would choose to describe it, I must do so freely with no expectation of anything in particular coming back to me.  That's the only way I can do it.  Anything else would be to demand that my friend be something other than what is real.  It would be to ask my friend to become my hopes and preferences.  It would be to offer something less than friendship.

  
  

   

  
  

  When Jesus was asked what is the greatest commandment in the Law, he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.'  This is the great and foremost commandment.  The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'  On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."

  
  

   

  
  

  If everyone grew up to be like me, we'd live in a seriously messed up world.  The better way is to grow up to be like God.  The only way for this to happen is to love God and allow him to love through us.  I am meant to be a pure reflection of the truth, so above all else I pray that I will not obscure the view.

  
  

   

  
  

  The rights I posted yesterday are not selfish, evil, cruel or license to do whatever you want whenever you feel like it.  They are the logical outworking of these principles.  Application of the rights leads to showing ourselves the same grace and mercy that we are asked to show to others.  If you believe in God, you owe it to Him to act like you believe Him when He says that He loves you and that you are His child.  If you don't believe in God, you're still in luck because the principles don't require your belief in order to be true.

  
  

   

  
  

  I'm posting them again today with commentary.

  
  

  The Rights

  
  

  
  
  • the right to judge my own behavior, thoughts and emotions, and to take responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon myself.  It's not only a right - its an inescapable responsibility that we bear to judge our own behavior, thoughts and emotions - we have no choice but to accept responsibility for their initiation and consequences. - you can run but you can't hide.  Do you not know that you will judge the angels?
    
  • the right to want what I want, to state what I want, and to ask others to help me get what I want.  There is no shame in having wants, there is no shame in revealing your wants to others, there is no shame in asking for help achieving your wants - it's wrong to deny your Self it's expression by refusing to acknowledge your wants, it's wrong to force another to help you.  When I am weak, I am strong.
    
  • the right to be imperfect, to make mistakes and to accept responsibility for them. When a mistake is made, fix it.  Don't pretend that nothing has been done wrong, don't wallow in self-hatred and abject humiliation.  Receive GRACE! If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offerings and go your way! first, be reconciled to your brother, then come and present your offering.
    
  • the right to offer no reasons or excuses in justification of my behavior.  This one is really hard for me, but it's really saying that in the end you are responsible to you, you are free from the control of all others.  This freedom can be terrifying, but it's real.  The compulsion to explain, excuse, defend my choices, offer justification - betrays me for holding onto a slave mentality.  We are not in bondage to anyone.  Unless we choose to be there.  Against You and You alone have I sinned.  You don't have to explain to God, He already knows.  You don't have to explain to anyone else, they aren't in your shoes.
    
  • the right to decide if I want to be responsible for helping others find solutions to their problems.  No one has the right to force you or manipulate you into anything even if they have a legitimate problem which you might legitimately be able to help them solve.  Don't cast your pearls before swine ... tell your brother once, maybe twice, but then leave him rather than risk being drawn into sin.
    
  • the right to reject the help of others.  The right to stand on your own two feet, to be self-sufficient, to refuse the control and manipulation of others.  Be wise, just because someone offers help doesn't mean that their help is really helpful.
    
  • the right to change my mind.  Its too much to expect of ourselves that we will always get it right the first time, we have the right to try again in a different way.
    
  • the right to my own logic or no logic in making my decisions.  Sometimes our decisions won't make sense to the people around us, that's okay, it's not their decision to make.  Think of the many people through the ages who have done things that seemed illogical or foolish to the people around them who we now honor as people "ahead of their time."
    
  • the right to say, "I don't know" or "I don't understand."  People have a tendency to shame each other for admitting 'I don't know' - you don't have to be available for this shaming, you have the right to be less than omniscient.  Now we know in part, we see in a cloudy mirror.
    
  • the right to say, "I don't want to" without feeling guilty.  You have the right to say "no". 
    
  • the right to feel and express anger. You either let it out or it eats you alive, you have the right to refuse to be rage's dinner entree.  Sometimes the most righteous thing we can do is turn over the tables.
    
  • the right to feel a healthy competitiveness and achievement drive.  The drive to achieve is normal and healthy, too often lesser humans will snipe at those who are rising because they are fearful of other's success, you don't have to accept their judgment ~ there's nothing wrong with achievement.  Run your race to WIN! 
    
  • the right to have my needs be as important as the needs of other people. Other people's needs are important, but they are not MORE important than your needs.  You don't have to take care of others at the expense of yourself.  This one is particularly difficult for me with my need to control and rescue other people.  If I'm not careful, I allow people to take over and use me as an enabler, instead of them taking responsibility for themselves, I take it on for them.  This never, never, never, never works.  Inasmuch as it is up to you, live in peace with other people ~ know that it isn't always up to you.
    
  • the right to do less than I'm humanly capable of doing. This one is another of those living up to other people expectations things.  You don't HAVE to do that.  It's okay to rest, to take like slowly, to enjoy your time on spaceship earth instead of always rushing to do the next thing, and the next thing.  See the lily of the valley?  It neither toils nor spins yet I tell you that even Solomon in his robes was not dressed so well.
    
  • the right to do things others would not approve.  St. Thomas Aquinas' family disapproved his becoming a monk, they tried to force him to change his mind, they kidnapped him and locked him in a room with a naked woman ... but they were wrong.  Thomas may be an extreme example, but there are people in the lives of everyone who will disapprove no matter what decision we make, we have to learn to be strong enough to accept that they disapprove without being controlled by their disapproval.  They have rights too.
    
  • the right to have and express my own opinions. I don't have the right to force you to accept my opinion or adopt it as your own.  I don't have the right to co-opt your opinion without doing the work to arrive at the conclusion for myself.  

  • 9:48 am
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