June 25, 2003

• Getting it Right

  
  

  What does it mean to be a fully actualized human being?  I consulted the book Peoplemaking for yesterday's blog and since then I've been rereading this wonderful book that paints a picture of the way that healthy humans relate to each other. 

  
  

  Human beings living humanly are people who understand, value, and develop their bodies, finding them beautiful and useful.  They are real and honest to and about themselves and others; they are loving and kind to themselves and others.  People living humanly are willing to take risks, to be creative, to manifest competence, and to change when the situation calls for it.  They find ways to accommodate what is new and different, keeping the best parts of what is useful and discarding what is not.  When you add all this up you have physically healthy, mentally alert, feeling, loving, playful, authentic, creative, productive, responsible human beings.  These people stand on their own two feet, love deeply and fight fairly (and effectively.)  They are on equally good terms with their toughness and their tenderness and know the difference between them.

  
  

  When I got down my book a sheet of paper fell out.  It was a list of human "rights."  I haven't looked at it in years, but I read over it last night and I've been thinking today about the way I view these rights.  When I started down the list, I was thinking about people in general and I heartily endorsed their right to be fully human, to take for themselves the prerogatives which in fact can never legitimately be reassigned.  In addition to the right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness these rights are inalienable. 

  
  

  Then I thought about myself and realized that I'm pretty harsh and judgmental when it comes to evaluating my own behavior, thoughts and feelings.  In fact the thought of asserting many of these rights on my own behalf made my stomach clench and a bitter taste to choke me.  You think perhaps I'm exaggerating?

  
  

  I'll give you an example, close to the end of the list is "The right to do less than I'm humanly capable of doing."  I pictured myself answering a request, "Yes, I could do that, but I'd rather not ____"  I could not imagine myself saying that without immediately offering reasons and assuming that I would have to placate someone I'd just disappointed. 

  
  

  I'll be meditating on this list for the next several days, would you like to see it?  Would you like to add your thoughts about it?  Would any of these rights be difficult for you to assert?  Is there one that yo uthink doesn't belong on the list?  Is there another that you think has been left off?

  
  

  The Rights

  
  

  
  
  • the right to judge my own behavior, thoughts and emotions, and to take responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon myself.
  
  
  • the right to want what I want, to state what I want, and to ask others to help me get what I want.
  
  
  • the right to be imperfect, to make mistakes and to accept responsibility for them.
  
  
  • the right to offer no reasons or excuses in justification of my behavior.
  
  
  • the right to decide if I want to be responsible for helping others find solutions to their problems.
  
  
  • the right to reject the help of others.
  
  
  • the right to change my mind.
  
  
  • the right to my own logic or no logic in making my decisions.  [This is another that was particularly difficult for me to picture asserting.]
  
  
  • the right to say, "I don't know" or "I don't understand."
  
  
  • the right to say, "I don't want to" without feeling guilty.  [the right to say "no". 
  
  
  • the right to feel and express anger.
  
  
  • the right to feel a healthy competitiveness and achievement drive.
  
  
  • the right to have my needs be as important as the needs of other people.
  
  
  • the right to do less than I'm humanly capable of doing.
  
  
  • the right to do things others would not approve.
  
  
  • the right to have and express my own opinions.

  • 5:32 pm
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