Month: March 2003

  • About That Time ~


    "Hey Dad, whatcha know?" (Me to my Dad this morning over the coffee pot)


    "It's gonna be Wednesday all day except for a spot of partly Thursday around 3:00."


    In my comtemplations of the philosophy of time, there is generally one of two different views to be considered.  Either time is seen as circular, the revolving seasons et al, or it's linear, the march through history.  My dad totally messed with my head this morning and now I'll be thinking about time all day.  He was being a "smart alec" as he would say.  But he caught my imagination!  Darn it.  I had planned for today to be a "thinking lite" kind of day.



    Spice Talk


    Things continue to go well here as I'm engaged in my mission of mercy.  Except that last night I fell asleep trying to watch the final installment of Children of Dune.  I think there's a lot that the Sci-Fi Channel production got right in terms of making the sets and effects jibe with Herberts' description.  (I didn't like the 1980's theatre version of Dune at all, I know that other people did, and I really wanted to just because I like Sting so much, but there were too many liberties with the story for my taste.)  Now, I don't like where they've gone in this second installment of the mini-series attempt because it's just too confusing.  More than any adaptation of a book I've seen in a long time they ASSUME that you've not only read, but memorized the thing.  I got confused in the rebroadcast of part 2 which I'd already seen the night before!  Yes, even on the second viewing I coldn't figure out what was going on. 


    Apologies ~


    I'm having a terrible time getting to the computer at all and I'm way behind on reading your sites.  Thank you for your patience.  I appreciate the many good wishes and prayers for my Mother.  She continues to be easily tired and has aches in her legs, perhaps from muscle spasms she suffered during the attack.  But, her spirit's are high.  So we're hoping that this is the end of the worry. 

  • I Do LOVE The South ~


    Yesterday morning the boys and I went to the hospital to peek in on Mom.  We didn't stay long enough for Tucker to call the nurse more than three times and we only had to crank the bed back down from maximum height twice.  Then we stopped at the grocery for milk on the way back to my parent's house.  I was met at hte door by a smiling Assistant Manager, he held the door for me with a flourish (we both pretended we didn't know it was automatic).  The he said, "beautiful day?" 


    When I nodded and smiled, he put his hand to his heart and said, "The day pales beside your smile."  And exactly the balm I needed to get over my unpleasant experience last Friday with the WalMart clerk. 


    Mom browbeat the doctor into letting her come home last night.  The tests revealed no physical abnormality that could have caused the symptoms she suffered.  My Dad's opinion is that she has been under acute prolonged stress/anxiety and that caused her problem. 


    Whatever the cause, she's home now and we are watching her closely.  I'll stay at least until this weekend and most probably a second week just to give extra time for her to rest and recover.  If she continues to do well, maybe Dad can take her for a couple nights to a spa in Hot Springs or something. 


    Children of Spice


    I was able to watch Children of Dune on the sci fi channel last night.  It's not as well done as the first installment of the series.  (I thought)  There were too many scenes without explanation of what was happening or why.  I've read the series mutliple times and I was still sitting there saying I don't remember why that happened, I'm not sure who that was in answer to fugitive's questions.  My Mom's opinion, "Those worms are just disturbing.  I don't know why anyone would want to watch such mess as that," pretty much reassured us that she's back to her normal self.  I'm sure I'll buy the DVD - after all I have the first one, it would be a shame not to have the set. 


    Anyone else have a different opinion on the series?  Come on, what did you think? 

  • Escape to Reality


    "Dad, when you aren't in the car, Mom gets loud."  What do you think about a kid who tattles on his Mom that way?  Little blabbermouth -   Yesterday, the CD I chose to listen to most (often and loudly) was Illuminations.  The music of the Epcot Center fireworks display and Tapestry of Dreams parade.  Symphonic swells and rousing drums are best heard at full volume. 


    At one point tears welled in my eyes.  How embarrassing!  Even with no one there to see, I blinked the moisture away and straightened my shoulders.  Then I thought, "What!?  What am I doing here?!"  The music had awakened in me such a longing, such a sense of being exiled in the waste land, that I cried for the beauty I could only glimpse in my imagination.  How appropriate that this music should awaken in my the metaphysical dream.  Walt Disney, the inspiration for the performance, lived with his head concretely in the clouds.  More than one critic charged him with escapism.  Which leads me to wonder, escape from what?  And why is escapism a bad thing?


    Another dreamer I've been studying, J R R Tolkien, faced his share of critics who dismissed his work as escapist.  Tolkien rejected modern materialism and scientism as unimaginative fallacies of thought.  For Tolkien, true reality was to be found beyond the natural in the supernatural, beyond the physical in the metaphysical.  "Nature is no doubt a life-study," he wrote, "or a study for eternity (for those so gifted); but there is a part of man which is not "Nature", and which therefore is not obligated to study it, and is, in fact, wholly unsatisfied by it."


    Walt Disney, the dreamer gazed about in wonder at the miracle of life.   He exulted in the acheivements of the human species and proclaimed, "The time we live in is the most amazing the world has ever known."  Tolkien was a dreamer of a different sort.  He found much to deplore in modern industrialization that trapped men in wage slavery and polluted the earth.  Both men lived the ideal of hope.  Because they cast their eye into the future and saw things as they could be rather than reducing their vision to the so-called "reality" of skeptical materialism which says that things are as they are and cannot be otherwise.


    Tolkien and Disney were at opposite ends of the worldview spectrum, one a devout Catholic and the other a confirmed humanist.  But they were fellows in the philosophical gulags of their day which have devolved into the pits of despair that are postmodern angst.  Tolkien responded to the criticism that he wrote escapist literature with these words, "Why should a man be scorned if, finding himself in prison, he tries to get out and go home?  Or if, when he cannot do so, he thinks and talks about other topics than jailers and prison walls?  The world outside has not become less real because the prisoner cannot see it.  In using [the word] Escape in this way, the critics have chosen the wrong word, and what is more they are confusing ... the Escape of the Prisoner with the Flight of the Deserter."  Walt Disney said, "The human spirit that is capable of taking us to the stars can also carry us into a future with no borders."


    Excuse me for a moment while I turn up the volume.  I've just realized that this music is the tunnel into reality I've been looking for. 

  • Good evening everyone,


    I just thought I would check in and leave an update.  Terri and the kids arrived safely this evening about 6:00.  She had a long drive but said it went well.  I am glad she is here.  It will be a big help to have her around while Mom is recuperating.  I do all I can in the evening and on my days off but I work full time and as you all know there is a lot that goes into the daily running of a house.  Add to this the fact that my parents care for my 95 yr old Grandmother and you have a clearer idea of our current situation.


    Mom has had a good weekend.  They are going to run tests tomorrow to check for additional blockage.  Some of you may remember that she experienced some light strokes last fall.  By comparing her Carotid (sp?) Doppler results from October with the ones they will get tomorrow the doctor is hoping to be able to determine if she has acquired additional blockage.


    She has rested all weekend and actually seems more relaxed than I have seen her in years.


    Thank you are for your continued prayers and positive thoughts.


    Fugitive

  • For Fans of LOTR


    Okay, we all know I'm a Tolkien fan.  As I packed for Arkansas, I threw in another book of literary criticism of Tolkien's work so I'll have something to read as I sit up nights with old people.  I got this in my email last week and I've been savingt for just the right moment.  I hope you get a giggle.


    THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN

    Day One:

    Ringwraiths killed: 4. V. good.

    Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate it.

    Still not King.


    Day Four:

    Stuck on mountain with Hobbits. Boromir really annoying.

    Not King yet.

    Day Six:
    Orcs killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and manly. Yes!

    Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding myself back.

    Still not King.

    Day Ten:

    Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in Mines of Moria. Big Baelrog.

    Not King today either.

    Day Eleven:
    Orcs killed: 7. V. good. Stubble update: Looking mangy.

    Legolas may be hotter than me.

    I wonder if he would like me if I was King?

    Day 28:

    Beginning to find Frodo disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I make a move, Sam would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.
    Still not King.

    Day 30:
    In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was hitting on me. Saucy wench.

    Nice chat with Boromir. He's not so bad.
    Took a shower. Yay!

    But still not King.

    Day 32:
    Orcs killed: none. Stubble update: subtly hairy.

    Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.

    I think Legolas might be kinda gay.

    Nope, not King.

    Day 33:
    Orcs killed: Countless thousands. V. good.

    Boromir killed by Orcs. Bummer. Though he died bravely in my arms, am now quite sure that he was very definitely gay.
    Not so sure about Gimli either.  IP Boromir.

    Still not King, but at least Boromir seemed to think I was. Might however have been blood loss.

    Day 34:
    Frodo went to Mordor. Said he was going alone, but took Sam with him. Why?

    My God, is everyone in this movie gay but me?

    Not so sure about me either.

    Still not King, goddammit.

  • Family Obligation


    We gripe, moan and complain about each other to our faces and behind our backs.  I always have a more judgmental opinion about the members of my family than about anyone else I meet.  But, if you mess with one of us, you have to plan to take on the whole clan.


    It's different in my husband's family.  They love each other, but they don't view family responsibility the same way my side does.  Not long after we were married, Tim wrecked his truck.  A bee flew through the window and stung him.  He wrenched the wheel in reaction and had a spectacular crash.  He was probably going about 60 mph on a state highway (read curves) when it happened.  He crossed the centerline and took out a mailbox on one side of the road, when he overcorrected to get back onto the highway, the truck flipped upside down.  The cab was crushed against the asphalt and had it not been for the roll bar, Tim would have been considerably shorter. 


    Because at the time we lived in the same town as my family, and because the hospital was only a few blocks from my parents' home, my folks were already at the hospital waiting when the ambulance arrived with Tim inside.  I called his parents to let them know there had been an accident and that he would be in the hospital a couple days recovering from injuries.  I called them from the ER where they were still assessing the extent of the damage - his scalp was peeled back about four inches and he was a bloody mess.  When they made the decision to transfer him to a larger regional medical center, more calls were made and by the time that we got there, the waitingroom was filled with my extended family.  Aunts, Uncles, cousins, my new brother-in-law - it looked like a scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  My aunt had even stopped off at Sears to purchase drawstring pajama bottoms for Tim - before she had any idea the extent of his injury - just because no man should have to be in one of those hospital gowns if there's any other option.


    A couple days later, when Tim was released from the hospital, his parents drove over took photos of the wrecked truck and slept in our bed because it was the only one we had.  (Tim and I managed on the couch.)  It was hard for me not to judge them because their response was so different than the one my family had taught me was the norm for when "one of our own needs us." 


    Over the past 15 years, we've moved away from my family and because of Tim's career, we don't ever expect to move back to that area.  I've learned that my family of origin is an extreme example of familial closeness.  I've also learned to appreciate the freedom that my relationship with my Mother and Father-in-law incorporates as a core value.  But, when "one of our own needs us" distance, maturity and my appreciation of alternate values isn't an issue.  I got a phone call last night at 2:20.  My Mom had been admitted to the hospital suffering symtoms that might have been from stroke, heart attack, or blood clot in the brain.  The doctor said, "We know for certain that something disrupted blood flow in her brain, we just don't know exactly what."   


    The first tests have come back looking good.  There is still a CT Scan and an ultrasound of her carotid artery scheduled for this afternoon.  If they come back clear, the doctor has informed us that he will call it a partial blockage of the artery due to clot.  He'll adjust her medications, and send her home on Monday. 


    I'll be there cooking, cleaning, griping, moaning, making her do things she doesn't want to do ~ like take her medication and stay away from foods that exacerbate her diabetes.  Sometimes when I've made these trips to Arkansas I've been able to remain active on Xanga, and sometimes when I get there I barely have time to breathe.  I won't know until I arrive what the situation will be this time.  I expect to be there for two weeks.

  • Shopping was fine, for once the kids were great.  I gave them each their own list of items to get.  They were very serious about finding 'their' groceries and checking them off the list.  So why is it that I was almost in tears as I drove home?


    Three times today, I talked to total strangers and all three times they misunderstood something I said.  You know once in a day is funny, twice is just odd, but the third time?  Every single instance was one of those ambiguous language scenarios.  In the first instance I used the phrase "moving to a different plane" - I meant it as "moving to a different level of understanding" the hearer though I was talking about airplanes.  That was funny. 


    The second time I asked a clerk (in an unfamiliar Walmart superstore) directions to the oil.  It wasn't until I realized I was in the cooking oil aisle that it dawned on me I should have specified 10w30. 


    The last time, I was chatting with the man who scanned my groceries.  I had a lot of stuff so the chat took several minutes.  And I was enjoying it.  I said, "it's too bad I have to leave, I think I'd like to spend the evening with you."  He was so offended.  He thought I'd sexually propositioned him.  I was mortified.  I was thinking it would be fun to continue talking.

  • Friday!


    Whooo hoooo hoooo hoooo!  (As Tigger would say.)  It's also payday.  So I've spent considerable time trying to balance my checkbook before I go out to send forth checks and bring back toilet paper.  Why, oh, why when I balance the thing every single Firday does it NEVER come out right?  Today, the bank says that I have $6.87 more than my ledger claims in my balance. 

  • I Think I've GOT IT!


    Hey guys, I think I've fixed the links that shoudl take you to my old blogs.  Will someone check and see if they are really fixed?  I'm afraid to trust my work.  Thanks ~


    Tired of Serious


    Do you ever get tired of your own personality?  Actually, in real life, I'm cool with who I am.  I laugh long and often.  But I think the person I am in real life is very different from the person you know through reading my blogs.  When I sit down to write, it doesn't matter what I have in mind, it invariably becomes serious.


    I have that problem when I write fiction.  I start off thinking I'm going to tell a lighthearted romp of a tale and before I've finished the first scene, someone is bleeding or crying or well, my sister says "You write intense."  The problem differs only in degree when I sit down to write an essay.  Especially if its supposed to be a personal thing where I give you a glimpse into my soul.  Reading back over blogs from past months, I shake my head and say, "Lighten the hell up!"  (Then I quickly look around to see if anyone heard me use the word "hell".)  You see what I mean?

  • Still In Middle Earth


    While Tim is away, the family will ... okay, we're playing.  The boys ordinarily aren't allowed Nintendo and television during the week, but I've allowed them both for the past two days.  We've eaten our supper earlier, and stayed up later than when daddy is home.  We are still doing school and chores, but somehow knowing that Daddy isn't coming home for supper alters our schedule significantly. 


    I didn't feel well yesterday, and on top of it, I've had two nights with little sleep.  Sunday night I was awake and miserable with illness.  Last night I was awake and miserable from trying to sleep alone.  I've always said that if anything ever happened to Tim, I'd never marry again.  But, I gotta tell you, a few nights all by myself in that big bed, and I might be sorely tempted to at least find a lover.  Or if my conscience won't let me do that, maybe a hobbit with very warm feet can keep me company.


    I'm down to the bottom of the pile of books on my nightstand.  (I hate when that happens.)  But, knowing how much I dread to see the end approaching, that's where I put the books I'm most interested in reading.  This last round of reading has been marvelous.  Philip Yancey and Brennan Manning are never dull.  Because they pack so much wisdom into their prose, I make it a point to read each chapter twice.  But, they still don't last me very long. 


    I was thrilled over the weekend to find that two of my favorite popular fiction authors have new releases.  Iris Johansen's protagonist, Eve Duncan is a forensic sculptor.  Her murdered daughter shows up from time to time to argue with her mother over various choices Eve makes and that's in intriguing note.  But, this latest volume, Body of Lies, is beyond complex.  The plot twists and turns begin to unravel into incoherent scatterings of frantic emotional reaction to shocks that make it increasingly difficult to suspend disbelief.  


    The other Eve, J D Robb's Lieutenant Eve Dallas, is back this month in a new future thriller, Portait of Death.  As the novel opens she is uncharacteristically cheerful.  Her husband's employee/friend, Sommerset, who grates on her every nerve, is leaving for three weeks of well-earned vacation.  But on his way out of the house, he trips over the cat, falls down the stairs, breaks his leg, and sets the tone for the rest of Eve's day.  Before noon, she has dealt with a horrific murder scene, hauled in her best friend for questioning (it's Nadine's bad luck that she's a reporter who got an annonymous tip regarding the murder) and gotten to the station house just in time to see the last cheese danish crumbs being wiped from her boss' mustache.  But, the dialogue is snappy and the villian is a worthy opponent.  It's worth the $6. 


    Now I'm down to the books I've been looking most forward to over the past three weeks.  J R R Tolkien's Sanctifying Myth by Bradley Birzer and Tolkien, Man and Myth by Joseph Pearce.  Through my life I have consistently come back again and again to the writings of two men who were contemporaneous Oxford Dons, Tolkien and C S Lewis.  Because I've read their works so often I eventually start to wonder about the men behind the books.  Several years ago I read Lewis' autobiography, Surprised By Joy along with several books and essays written about him.  Tolkien was instrumental in Lewis' decision to convert from atheism to Christianity.  But the two men had many differences.  Tolkien was a life-long Catholic, (his son John became a priest) and Lewis opted for the Protestant version of the faith. 


    It's tempting when reading works of theology to forget that there are very real people with foibles, irritating habits, and character flaws behind the writing.  Lewis was an odd duck by almost any definition of the phrase.  His best friend was killed in battle during WWI and Lewis took on the responsibility of caring for his friend's mother for the rest of her life.  He lived into his middle age with this old woman, and his brother.  In his mid-fifties, he met and eventually married an American divorcee to the scandal of many who admired his Christian writing.  When his wife died of a painful cancer only a couple years later, Lewis wrote what many consider to be his best work, A Grief Observed.


    Now I'm on to reading about Tolkien.  I've been very interested to learn more about Tolkien since I've re-read the Lord of the Rings, Hobbit, Silmarillion and I've been watching all the documentaries about Peter Jackson's LOTR Films.  I want to know more about the man behind the myth.  And one of the things I want to learn is why Tolkien and Lewis "fell out" with each other.  Yes, I'm going to pay close attention to all the literary details and psychological insights, but I have to acknowledge that a huge part of me just wants the dirt. 


    *********


    Tim installed a new thingy on our desktop before he left.  It's a koala bear with loads of personality.  He plays with a yo-yo, dresses as a circus clown, is walked by his dog, and even tries on the red robe and sorceror's hat that Mickey Mouse made famous (my koala friend conjures a flood that whisks him down a drain.)  When I stop to think a moment before typing the next sentence, he flops over in a hammock and snores in editorial commentary.  In other words, he's the most annoying thing I've seen in a while, and I'm in love with him.  I've spent a considerable amount of time distracted from balancing the checkbook while I giggle at his antics.