March 15, 2003

• Family Obligation

  
  

  We gripe, moan and complain about each other to our faces and behind our backs.  I always have a more judgmental opinion about the members of my family than about anyone else I meet.  But, if you mess with one of us, you have to plan to take on the whole clan.

  
  

  It's different in my husband's family.  They love each other, but they don't view family responsibility the same way my side does.  Not long after we were married, Tim wrecked his truck.  A bee flew through the window and stung him.  He wrenched the wheel in reaction and had a spectacular crash.  He was probably going about 60 mph on a state highway (read curves) when it happened.  He crossed the centerline and took out a mailbox on one side of the road, when he overcorrected to get back onto the highway, the truck flipped upside down.  The cab was crushed against the asphalt and had it not been for the roll bar, Tim would have been considerably shorter. 

  
  

  Because at the time we lived in the same town as my family, and because the hospital was only a few blocks from my parents' home, my folks were already at the hospital waiting when the ambulance arrived with Tim inside.  I called his parents to let them know there had been an accident and that he would be in the hospital a couple days recovering from injuries.  I called them from the ER where they were still assessing the extent of the damage - his scalp was peeled back about four inches and he was a bloody mess.  When they made the decision to transfer him to a larger regional medical center, more calls were made and by the time that we got there, the waitingroom was filled with my extended family.  Aunts, Uncles, cousins, my new brother-in-law - it looked like a scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  My aunt had even stopped off at Sears to purchase drawstring pajama bottoms for Tim - before she had any idea the extent of his injury - just because no man should have to be in one of those hospital gowns if there's any other option.

  
  

  A couple days later, when Tim was released from the hospital, his parents drove over took photos of the wrecked truck and slept in our bed because it was the only one we had.  (Tim and I managed on the couch.)  It was hard for me not to judge them because their response was so different than the one my family had taught me was the norm for when "one of our own needs us." 

  
  

  Over the past 15 years, we've moved away from my family and because of Tim's career, we don't ever expect to move back to that area.  I've learned that my family of origin is an extreme example of familial closeness.  I've also learned to appreciate the freedom that my relationship with my Mother and Father-in-law incorporates as a core value.  But, when "one of our own needs us" distance, maturity and my appreciation of alternate values isn't an issue.  I got a phone call last night at 2:20.  My Mom had been admitted to the hospital suffering symtoms that might have been from stroke, heart attack, or blood clot in the brain.  The doctor said, "We know for certain that something disrupted blood flow in her brain, we just don't know exactly what."   

  
  

  The first tests have come back looking good.  There is still a CT Scan and an ultrasound of her carotid artery scheduled for this afternoon.  If they come back clear, the doctor has informed us that he will call it a partial blockage of the artery due to clot.  He'll adjust her medications, and send her home on Monday. 

  
  

  I'll be there cooking, cleaning, griping, moaning, making her do things she doesn't want to do ~ like take her medication and stay away from foods that exacerbate her diabetes.  Sometimes when I've made these trips to Arkansas I've been able to remain active on Xanga, and sometimes when I get there I barely have time to breathe.  I won't know until I arrive what the situation will be this time.  I expect to be there for two weeks.

  • 1:40 pm
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