January 8, 2003

  • If you haven't seen it yet, Fugitive, has a re-post that she put up after reading my blog for today.  It's amazingly beautiful.


    Check the Label


    I received an email from a friend last week with the following phrase, "staid conservative mommy, Terri" used to describe me.  Now, I'll admit I'm taking the phrase out of context, in the end, my friend used it to make a point about how "un" those things she's found me to be.  But, I've thought a lot about this over the past several days.  I've wondered what kinds of labels I wear that I'm ... unaware ... have been projected by my words, demeanor, or general appearance.


    I'm not fond of labels.  Mostly because I've never found one that fit.  I've known people who happily labeled themselves, but even those labels left little parts uncovered, or bunched uncomfortably over areas that weren't as developed as the label implied. 


    I'll grant you the word staid right off the bat.  My dictionary defines staid as "marked by settled sedateness and often prim self-restraint, sober, grave".  Yeah, that pretty much covers my life right now.  It hasn't always been this way, and even now there are times I break out of sedation for a moment or two before settling back down.  Partly this is due to my role as a parent.  Not because I want to hide the "truth" about momi's wild days from my kids, but really most of the time I'm just too tired to be anything other than sedate.


    But, conservative!  Now that one hurts.  I wonder what makes me appear to be a conservative?  Is it the traditional "stay at home with the kids" role I play?  Is it the white, middle-class, Christian thing?  Or does it have to do with the fact that I'm more apt to be excited by a new quiltning instructor with a fancy patchworking technique than the latest firewalking guru?  Not that there's anything wrong with walking on fire, I live with little kids, so it's good to be prepared to walk on fire, I'd just prefer to hold off that experience unless they light up the carpet.


    I last voted Republican for national office in ... never.  I divide my vote about equally between Demoncrats and Libertarians.  (I wouldn't vote for Jesse Ventura but I gladly supported Paul Wellstone.)


    I am a fiscal conservative, if by that you mean that I believe you shouldn't spend money that you don't have.  (Which leads me to adamantly oppose President Bush's current deficit-creating economic policies.)  I am a fiscal liberal if by that you mean that I believe in public support of programming that provides a safety net for people disenfranchised, disadvantaged, or otherwise unable to share access to the benefits of life in a free society.


    I'm a social liberal in that I believe strict unquestioned observance of orthodox, traditional, or established forms is foolish.  I'm a social conservative in that I believe ad hoc rejection of orthodox, traditional or established forms is foolish.


    I'm an educational conservative if by that you mean that I believe in Homeschool.  I'm an educational liberal if by that you mean that I believe kids are better educated through broad-based exposure to the liberal arts than by narrow tracking in vocational programs. 


    Do what kind of labels do you wear?  What labels have people given you that don't fit?  Have you ever felt compelled to act in a way that redefined you because of a label you weren't comfortable with?  Have you ever rebelled against a "bad" label, or pretended something that wasn't true in order to protect a "good" label?

Comments (39)

  • We all have many labels I am sure.  Some I dont like, some I do.  

  • All people is  complex being and cannot to be labelled , I think .

    Amitié     michel

  • Forgive , read   : and cannot be ....

    my poor English !

    Michel

  • I apprciate your thoughful blog.  I'm not beng frivilous when I say, however, that I too get excited over a new quilt instructor.  I tend to take life quite seriously.  Staid?   And the moments when I can let loose with a hobby are joyful times.

  • lables are just wrong...

    as we...

    Sail on... sail on!!!

  • I asked that once at my first Xanga sight. Interesting to see how people labeled me. I try very hard not to do this because unless you really know someone - to label them doens't work right.

  • The first label attached to me that I was aware of was in school, when I was The Unpopular Smart Kid With No Social Graces, which can be conveniently abbreviated as "nerd."  I couldn't really argue with it, either.

    Interesting, the human tendency to try and sum other people up in a couple of phrases when we know we are far too complex for that kind of summing up to be completely accurate.  I'm sure I have a lot of labels now that all tell part of the truth about me, but even taken together they wouldn't tell all of the truth.

    My current favorite self-assigned label is "Tolkien geek." 

  • Another thought provoking blog.  I may have to go into therapy soon if I keep working my mind this hard ya know?   I am NOT going to begin thinking of labels others may have for me... no.  That might be more than I can bear, because I truly care what others think of me... more than I should possibly.  I will just say this... in anyone's 'circles of life' there are going to be people with whom one can be totally themselves and with others they are gaurded.  I think in my work 'circle' many might see me as pleasant, but reserved... at church I may wear a conservative lable and at home, well, I may be known as near radical about some things.  I guess if someone from my 'home circle' were talking with anyone from another circle, they would stand gaping at the thought that I am labeled as such, knowing me more fully and seeing so much more of the real me than the work or church folk see of me.  You know, I try to just 'be myself' as I have been taught, but let's face it, noone is the same with everyone.  Some people would not ALLOW me to be me.  That's why we love those who do so much.

              Thanks for the thoughts... I may just blog about this too after my mind has time to catch up with me.  I have been REALLLLLLY trying to get to everyones sites since I got home and it's a lot to read.  But I missed it while I was not able to stop by.

              Mucho abrazos,

                                   Deb

  • Ok Terri - My first instinctive reaction to this blog is to admit that I too would be very interested in a new quilting instructor especially if he was tall, dark, broody, well built, and of Latin descent (being nekkid is a plus)! 

    The last label that someone tried to put on my that absolutely had no hope of fitting was a "size 6" -

    I think the problem (and you and I have discussed this before) is that I try to hard and place too much emphasis on trying to become the perfect representation of what other people expect me to be and in the process I tend to lose who I really am.

    Maybe the difference in our ages affords you a certain amount of wisdom and the ability to seperate who you truly are from what you are expected to be - if that is the case then growing older just took on a new attractiveness.

    Good Blog - I think I may continue this thread on my site today. 

  • even if we try to put a label on ourselves it would never paint the whole picture only a corner...

  • I'm not fond of labels myself...however, I take the title of being "Mom" with pride.

    ~Maria

  • I hate labels.. I'm not sure what ones I wear, I'll have to ask my friends and family about that.

  • I am trying to think of what I would have said in response to this entry had I not been the (omigosh, terribly, terribly embarrassed and shamefaced) author of said ghastly label.  I would cite the entire sentence from which it was taken....but I won't, because that's unfair to your context.  Under the circumstances, then, let me say that it is (surely?  let me not stand alone here?) human nature to assign labels.  You meet someone virtually and you think:  oooh, nice writing.  Then you think:  hmmm, writes a lot about Christianity; seems to be one.  Then you watch their virtual interactions with their siblings and think:  nice; good strong family.  It's about here that maybe you're thinking "staid, religious, 'conservative' values."  Then you follow some links to another site where they're actually pictured, and there's a mention of goats and farm life.  Ahh.  The label widens; the understanding deepens.  Sense of humor.  Good farming skills.  Then you follow a link to one of their blogrings and you think:  yeah, different persona altogether  -- ability to laugh at self and at society, ability to play a little fast and loose with convention, if necessary ......... see what I'm trying to say?  One must perforce define anyone one meets in comparison to others one has met before.  But the more one knows someone, the greater and bigger the picture becomes, until any label is merely a quiet joke between the two of you:  because in the end we are, truly, all unlabeled at heart. 

  • Yea, what livingmy40s said   What could be added to THAT?  As a Latter-day Saint, I have been labeled by some Christians as not being a Christian or as believing in some "other" Jesus.  That label wrinkles my linen.  How in the world can someone judge MY personal relationship with Christ?  I am very uncomfortable with this label--of being accused of being Non Christian.  At the same time there is nothing I will do to change this label.  I live a Christian life and I believe in Christ.  What's to change?  In the end we're all going to be labeled either a sheep or a goat any way .

  • I'd be interested to learn how people have labelled me, but I don't think it would keep me up at night.  ~Spot~

  • Conservative? That hurt? Why should it? Wear it proudly. You really pretty much are. None of us, however, are of the same cookie cut mold. Yes, even I, Mr. Conservative, vote other than Republican from time to time. So what?! 

  • My label says "Fruit of the Loom" and "Made in Korea".

    That reveals some of my other less flattering labels : goofy and clueless. Most of the labels I find have been stuck on me by family and close associates. They are also the most difficult to peel off.

     

  • fiscal conservative... social liberal... You and MyKidzDad would have an awful lot to talk about... me? I'm bleeding heart all the way.

  • Political labels are mostly just charged code-words involved in the Big Artificial Values Sale. 

    I accept no labels unless I can make a joke out of them.  :)   Because ultimately, that's all they amount to, a misdirection, a pratfall, a comedic attempt to sell me the "product" of beliefs.  Wah-waaaah...

  • o/

    God Bless - Dale

  • Pin any label you want on me EXCEPT conservative!  Arghh!

  • Hm.  I think it is human nature to attach a name to something--it's not only human nature, it is necessary.  It's language that we use to communicate, and every single thing in the entire world has a label on it.  The thing is, just because a chicken has a duck label on it doesn't make it a duck.  Even if it doesn't quack like a duck, walk like a duck.... It could still be called a duck by someone else.  Truly, it does have ducklike similarities--fowls, feathers, for example.  I think what happens when folks label us something that we don't necessarily feel as complimentary or accurate, especially someone whose opinion we care about, it wounds us.  That's natural.  If the only thing we see are feathers, what other conclusions are we to draw about that fowlish friend?  That's the good part about new friendships.  Discovering the intricacies and layers of each other.  Good times! 

  • hey, thanks for coming by and subbing. i appreciate it. glad you followed my voice
    who did you find me through, by the way?

  • I'm sorry, I'm a bit dense...where do I place the script?

  • LOL! When younger and much more zealous and naive, I used to be bad a mixing and matching presumed label associations. My husband used to say things like, "now, Christian is not equal to conservative or homeschool friendly. And republican does not necessarily mean pro-life or vice versa..." You get my drift.

    I don't like labels either but I would label myself spoiled (mostly because of my American lifestyle) and I like to think I am largely libertarian in social belief (down with big gov., LOL!) My favorite labels say loved, forgiven and set free!

  • I like to think that I'm introspective enough to know my own so-called label by now, but quite frankly, I haven't a clue. Nor am I about to depend on other people - not even the closest of friends - to stamp my forehead with one. I guess I'll just have to ride out this entire journey of human self-discovery to find out! Maybe I'll check back again with you in another 20-30 years! :-p

  • You fuggin think too much.... I'm kiddin

    I meant, you fucking think too much...

    By that I meant you are doing just fine as you.

    Trust me..... I'm Mitch... 

    Oh... And tell your sister thanks for droppin by.

  • Thanks for coming to see me! You really seem to have your life so figured out. That's a bit of a label too - I can only judge from the bit I have read. I think my life is so incredibly scattered right now that anyone that is doing what they really want to be doing and has thought and planned it all out would have to seem really magical to me. I can only imagine what labels have been given me & I know I limit myself with my own labels. Ah to be 20 again & know what I know now......

  • ...labeling, to some degree, comes from and in the context of the relationship, be it a person, group or community. Steven Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, discusses roles. As in forming habits (hopefully good ) frees us in rethinking every move or intent, so do labels in commerce and situational settings.
    ...via the role, so be the label. A student labeled as "excellent" at school, may by the same criteria, be labeled at home as "poor". A person with traditional values may be labeled by their interior decorator as ultra-modern.
    ...even in our personal relationships, we tend to lable others, consciously or unconsciously by their preferences. However, time and situation permit in personal relationships the looking beyond labels. MuSe

  • Another awesome blog, Terri

    Labels..as a child, I was labelled Scruffy, Poor, Slut, Tart, Scrubber and a few other less-than-polite names (the last two being English slang for "slut").

    As an adult, I'm usually labelled as "a bit wacky".

    These are why I absolutely detest assigning labels to ANYONE.  Labels are fine when used in the right context - to discern between two distinct categories, for example.  But when they're applied to humans, all too often they're done so in a derogatory manner.  And I'm now rambling, so I'll take my "White Anglo Weirdo Ass" outta here and make some green tea

  • Labels? Don't need no stinking labels man! LOL.

    Actually I have quite a few stuck on me that don't seem to ever fit. Judeo-Christain,40-something homeschooling SAHM/WAHM, detail geek, overlysensitive, political liberal, fiscal conservative(I think that they are going to put on my grave 'We Can't Afford That'),special needs advocate, artist type, musician type,writer type, cat person and I've even been referred to as a "Mame type"(ah, but that story is for another time)...I have so many other labels that I forget them half the time. I think maybe that is one of the reasons that I do homeschool so my girls are stuck with the labels that the public school tends to put on children. I have enough to go around!

  • I guess I've really lived a sheltered life. So many people I know have labels attached to them because of things they've done or ways they appear. I have a few too, but mostly from my younger days. Mostly, I don't care much about labels others would put on me. I know that the people that hang with me for the "long haul" are the only ones that matter, and they love me and I them.

    You? Well, I've been reading you a long time (under a different Xanga name) and I think you are "beautiful" inside and out, and surprisingly, I disagree with several of your beliefs. I just feel comfy here reading you because I know you have a trueness to you. I think you rock, lady!

  • I'm not sure how "fiscal liberal" and voting Libertarian can coincide peacefully..... I'm a nearly fanatical believer in personal responsibility, and I think our society has gone overboard trying to help the poor and downtrodden. There were times when my son and I used a spice rack to make it seem like Ramen was a different meal every night... But I never took money from the government. I was raised to believe it was wrong.

    I was given one label that I couldn't bear by my son's mother: Mr. Dependable Standby.

    She told me that I had always been there for her, and she felt that I always would be. She said it made it easier for her to leave, to run off with other guys, because I would lover her and take her back if it didn't work.

    That was the last day that I loved her.

  • I'm a lot rolled into one too: christian (tho many don't think so), liberal because I believe in openmindedness, fundementalist because there are some things that are proven to work no matter what some may think, homeschooler although I don't have the patience or time for it I apply it in other ways, artistic for my writing & artwork....

    Faith

  • over confident, dry humored, super visionary, strict, disciplinary, weird, good looking ... but when they finally get to know me... they just cannot live without me.  I have that kind of effect on people.. they hate me for my BEINGNESS then they love me to death with WHO I AM.

  • You're funny! You complain about people applying labels to you, then bristle at being lumped in with those labeled conservative. As if there is a group of people that the label conservative really does apply to. You're talking out of both sides of your mouth if you both complain about being labeled and in that very complaint, you apply labels to others!

    Labels are a form of prejudice. I'm not using prejudice in a bad way. Without prejudice, life would be impossible. Whenever we meet with people, we have to make certain judgement about how to relate to that person. Things like does this person speak English, are they male or female, is this person basically honest and trustworthy, is he a friend or foe, will he relate on the same basic value system that I do? Without a certain amount of pre-judgments, we would have to start from scratch with every person and we would never get any thing accomplished.

    We also expect that from other people. The way we dress the car we drive and the way we present ourselves gives people clues to how to make those pre-judgments about us.

    The bad thing about prejudice and labels happen when, instead of using them only as an initial hint of what a person might be, we latch onto that label and assume that we know all we need to about that person.

  • I have lots of labels too, I'm sure. Some are good and some aren't. But I would like to think the good outweigh the bad.  *****hugs*****

  • Okay Lady!  Now I'm wanting to invite YOU over for tea and cookies! 

    I tend to let people go with their labels... I usually get put in the school marmy librarian category, and I let that happen.  The look on people faces when they figure out the truth about me is priceless. 

    That poor soul is really missing out that she doesn't know the REAL you!  I love the glimpses of you that I've had on here! 

  • You're funny! You complain about people applying labels to you, then bristle at being lumped in with those labeled conservative. As if there is a group of people that the label conservative really does apply to. You're talking out of both sides of your mouth if you both complain about being labeled and in that very complaint, you apply labels to others!

    Labels are a form of prejudice. I'm not using prejudice in a bad way. Without prejudice, life would be impossible. Whenever we meet with people, we have to make certain judgement about how to relate to that person. Things like does this person speak English, are they male or female, is this person basically honest and trustworthy, is he a friend or foe, will he relate on the same basic value system that I do? Without a certain amount of pre-judgments, we would have to start from scratch with every person and we would never get any thing accomplished.

    We also expect that from other people. The way we dress the car we drive and the way we present ourselves gives people clues to how to make those pre-judgments about us.

    The bad thing about prejudice and labels happen when, instead of using them only as an initial hint of what a person might be, we latch onto that label and assume that we know all we need to about that person.

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