October 24, 2002

  • I Want to be Alone! 


    Dark night of the soul
    O guiding night!
       O night more lovely than the dawn!
    O night that has united
       The Lover with His beloved,
    Transforming the beloved in her Lover.


                                 St. John of the Cross


    What does the dark night of the soul feel like?  According to St. John, it doesn't feel like anything.  It is a place where all sensation dissipates.  All physical, emotional, psychological, and even spiritual senses are silenced.  No one can enter the dark night with you.  It is the place of utter existential aloneness.


    Although we live in a day and place that supposedly exhults in individuality, have you ever noticed to what extent we will go to avoid being alone?  We fill our day with sights and sounds.  We want people, voices, and sensation in a constant flow of stimulation.  Clatter, noise, and distraction are such a way of life that we cannot even stand to be enclosed for a few moments in an elevator without that horrible muzak.  We will run, fight, hide ourselves in the crowd, anything to escape that waiting void.


    Where does that leave us when there is no place to hide, no noise to distract us, no sensation that can penetrate that dark night?  What do we do when we have only ourself?  The person unused or unprepared for solitude can be trapped by arrogance, self-absorption, or depression.  Separation, loneliness, and silence become terrifying monsters looming over us with sharp talons and impenetrable scales forcing us to face our own emptiness. 


    Some of the greatest leaders of our wisdom traditions have written of this dark night.  Faith grants no immunity from confinement in the still cave of the heart.  But, faith can calm our fear.  If we can but recognize that this place of crisis and disorientation is not a prison, but an open door.  Through nothingness, we can emerge like Jesus after his forty days in the desert, like Buddha who woke up under the banyan tree, or Moses who saw a fire that did not consume.


    Deitrich Bonhoeffer wrote, "Let him who cannot be alone beware of community...Let him who is not in community beware of being alone...Each by itself has profound pitfalls and perils.  One who wants fellowship without solitude plunges into the void of words and feelings, and one who seeks solitude without fellowship perishes in the abyss of vanity, self-infatuation, and despair."


    Mystics and sages have long practiced the Discipline of Solitude - not so that they could avoid the contamination of human temptations and relationship, but so that they could bring to their community wholeness and strength. 


    "What is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?  Seek him always with hours to live.  For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness."  Kahlil Gibran

Comments (16)

  • I always try to find solitude at least once a week.

    But I think that's MUCH harder for women to do....

  • What I'm hearing is moderation in all things--including alone time and time with others.  Finding the balance is always a challenge. 

    About the chili:  it was your recipe #3 with a few modifications for our convenience.  Thanks so much!

  • Very thought provoking. Thanks Terri. 

  • We are who we are when we are alone with ourselves. We need the solitude to understand our place in society. Nice reflection, QM.

  • In the night we are not alone , we are in the intimacy of God

    Michel

  • I love the company of my own mind and soul. but, eventuall i bore myself, and i need to watch tv.

  • Thought-provoking (as always!).  American culture likes to enforce media-accompaniment (radio, tv, music).  Other cultures (the Central and Eastern African ones) like to enforce personal accompaniment.  True, deep, dark, soul-aloneness is surely not something many seek.  I love being alone.  A lot of that comes from having kids, though -- just so nice to be alone SOMETIMES!

  • I like what Michel said... about as close as I can get to what I was thinking

  • I lived for 30 years in a religious family constantly around people, so I treasure my alone times that I have now....

  • I cherish my alone time because it seldom occurs.

    Faith

  • I've got to have my walks in the morning. It's quite. I'm out in nature. I can hear the birds sing the breeze blow and watch the ants crawl. It's a must...something about it helps to sooth the insanity of life. Loved the blog. Thanks.

  • I enjoy being alone ..... it is the only time I sleep well

  • Your turn!!!  I want Simone pics!    Please please pretty PLEASE??????

  • Exactly how I feel lately..... solitude.... community.... human longing.... thanks for posting it....

    Sinch P.

  • I've had to learn the difference between being alone and being lonely. Alone, is easy really-- lonely's harder to deal with-- but for both I end up using the same solution-- change my perspective-- like/love myself by myself with my thoughts with the things that make me happy I'm me. When all else fails I can always READ or WRITE because when I'm reading, or writing, solitude then becomes a priceless commodity.

  • I am guilty as charged...I need time away from the noise and distraction to get back my focus...thanks for the reminder! Spot

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