May 31, 2002

  • Both Sides


    Does anyone remember this song?  (I used to have a book of "pop songs" that included this one, I have no idea who recorded it).


    Moons and Junes and Ferris Wheels
    Dizzy Dancing way you feel
    As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
    I've looked at love that way

    But now it's just another show
    You leave 'em laughing when you go
    And if you care don't let it show
    Don't give yourself away


    I've looked at love from both sides now
    From up and down and still somehow
    It's love's illusions I recall
    I really don't know love, at all.


    I had a lovely chat last night with Ms. O'Dilius.  Between us we pretty much solved the problems of the world, and I hope she saved a transcript because mine was deleted when my computer crashed.  And it crashed at a really bad moment.  I was in the process of describing ups and downs of marriage, and had only made it through the downs, so she never got to hear about the ups.


    Tim and I have been married since December of 1988.  We are in our 14th year.  To some people that probably seems like forever, and to others, it must seem like nothing.  There have been different times of our life together when I've felt both verses of the song I quoted.  Times when we are so in love that the world is just a beautiful place simply because we both happen to be in it at the same time.  Other times when I look at him and think, "I don't know you at all."


    We were married for six years before our son Michael was born.  People had started asking, "When are you going to start your family?"  I always thought that was a strange question.  My family was begun in the moment that we said "I will."  (Maybe someday I'll post our wedding vows - we didn't do the traditional promises.)  Tim and I were a family for six years before we added a child to our home.  The child didn't make us a family.  We welcomed him into the family that we had already made together.


    Parenting has been at the same time the most rewarding and the most frustrating experience of my life.  There are days when I'm afraid that they will never grow up, like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, I'll awaken every morning to the same day I lived yesterday.  I'll have the same laundry, the same vacuuming, the same reading lesson, the same spill during lunch, and snack, and supper, and . . . There are other days when I think they are growing up so fast that it scares me.  How on earth will I ever get them to understand the things they need to know before they open their wings and fly on their own.


    I love my sons.  I love my husband.  It would not be honest or fair to them to report those relationships through a rosy glow that distorts the truth of who we all are together.  They love me enough to tell me "Mom, you are really crabby today, maybe you need a time out?"  And I love them enough to say, "If you suggest one more time that your Mother is crabby, I'm going to sell you to gypsies!"


    When I married Tim, I meant it to last until death do us part.  And I'm pretty sure there have been times when we both secretly petitioned the Good Lord so speed up the waiting process.  But, at the end of the day.  There is no one else in the world who knows me like he does.  He loves me, makes me laugh, and holds me close to his heart.  And God in His wisdom hasn't given either of us a terminal illness (yet).

Comments (24)

  • Beautiful blog. HOw about a photo of you and Tim??

  • I have a special someone, too. In today's world those are like rare gems.

    Faith

  • "Have you hugged a June bug today?" ???????  What is up with THAT???? 

  • I think it was Carly Simon who recorded that song.  I love that song.

    And I hear you about the ups and downs.  I love my family.  There are times I don't like them much, but I always love them. 

  • The last time I heard that song it was when I saw Judy Collins (Ritchie Havens was in the same show) on the pier in Seattle) beautiful and heartfelt...She is still going strong

    You are so fortunate to have a strong relationship..One of my best friends has a relationship like that.  I don't know how many years they have been together but they love each other and have great kids...

    I myself....well, I could write a book!!!!I have had 6 children by 3 different men....divorced once.....still legally married but separated to another....now I am unofficially engaged to my present significant other...

    Whew....I'll answer any questions....I've always wanted a stable relationship but I guess it wasn't in the cards...considering my first husband was abusive...just to start things off....

    Oh well..back to the beautiful present of life...

  • Judy Collins both wrote and recorded the song....

  • I just about kissed a June bug last night... it wasn't very pleasent....  I have to say that he met his match and he is sleeping with the fishes...

  • Great bloggy!  Yea, it was Judy... hub could not decide if it was Joni Mitchell or Judy Collins.  I will have to tell him  SpecOc knew.  I really don't think we know much about love at all, even when its humanly at its best!  Have a great weekend!

  • I think Joni Mitchell did do a version of that song much later, as a matter of fact.

    I can relate to this blog.  I am always reminded of that scene in the movie The Best Years of Our Lives when the daughter is having man-troubles and goes crying to her parents and she says, You two never had any trouble - how can you understand how it is with (What's His Name) and me?  And the mother looks at her husband and says, "We never had any trouble.  How many times have I told you I hated you, and meant it in my heart?  How many times have you told me you were tired of me and that we were all washed up?  How many times have we had to fall in love all over again?"

    And I think that's the trick.  Every marriage is going to have ups and downs...but the trick is the ability to fall back in love with your partner after one of the downs.  As long as you can do that, the relationship will last.

    (sorry for the blog-length comment, but Terri, your blogs do that to me!  LOL!)

  • I sure understand what you mean about 'Groundhog Day'...only a stay-at-home mom would understand that one...the cycle never seems to end...but we can appreciate the small changes that happen over time in the lives of our children.***And my son, too, sometimes tells me that I am the 'grumpy bear' that I have so often accused him of being.***Hate and Love must reside very closely to each other in the human heart...but in the end, when Love wins out, that's what counts!   Spot 

  • Judy Collins did that song! I loved it too.

    You and Tim sound very happily married   Best wishes for a good weekend to you and yours.

  • Sounds pretty good to me.

  • I love this post!! Your perspective is so great!! It's the warmth at nite when you aren't alone that seals the deal

  • Judy C.   Too bad you're not married  for time and all eternity. That "until death do you part" thing is really depressing.

  • I have someone like that in my life.  It's a great feeling.

    Have a great weekend

  • Written and recorded by Joni Mitchell but was a "hit" for Judy Collins. 

    God Bless - Dale

  • You are blessed   Lucky you, Lucky your hubby and lucky your kids. 

  • This kind of love is the best kind of secret to hold in your heart.

  • Yes, it is scary in light of http://scriptures.lds.org/rev/13/17#17  Are you ready?

  • Excellent thoughts.

  • Excellent post. Your husband sounds like a lucky man!

  • A couple of people already have it, Judy Collins! I love that song!  @-}-}--  I will being humming it all night now !  Thoughts through the looking glass! 

  • I dunno how I missed this blog?  geez

    Regardless, very lovely blog.  It's good when we can see the good things, as well as the bad things.  I loved Morgana's comment.  Thanks for sharing that, Terri.

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