February 20, 2002

  • No Privacy on Xanga


    So why do YOU come here and write?  We all have people in the real world that we could corner and force to listen to our ideas right?  My husband is a captive audience every morning while he shaves and brushes his teeth.  I perch on the side of the bathtub (on those days that I drag myself out of bed) and catch him up on all the important things I thought during the night.


    He's a real live person, makes eye contact and gives me all kinds of feedback.  Laughs at ALL my jokes.  Plus if I say something that he didn't quite catch, he can stop me (theoretically at least) and get clarification before I go any further down that path.  It's great.  Real communication.


    When I sit down and write a blog, I'm relying on nothing more than typed words to convey my ideas.  You don't get the benefit of my tone, inflection, facial expression, body language . . . none of the trappings that dress up my verbal messages.  So why do *I* do it?  Xanga, I mean.


    It started as a place where I could write things that I didn't talk about with my husband or my friends.  I'd write about my weird theological ideas, or my frustrations.  You guys gave me lots of great feedback that maybe I wasn't so weird, or that there were other people out there who understood what I was saying.


    Zoodom asked in her comment last night if it was acceptable for her to use bad words here.  That's a great question and one I've been pondering a lot lately.  You see, since I've started writing on Xanga - it has gradually come about that my comments are read by my husband, my sister, my other sister, my brother, my best friend, my other best friend, my pastor, and some of the people who work with my husband.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm flattered that they read my stuff. 


    But I'm left wondering, is it okay to use bad words here?  I don't mind that I've revealed that I'm something of a heretic, that wasn't any secret to start with.  But what if the people I LIVE with figure out I'm not . . . so . . . nice . . .

Comments (32)

  • LOL..Silly, they'll love you anyway, they are family!

  • I have a number of friends who read my site, so I became uncomfortable posting anything really... not nice... I'd also developed something of a reputation as a cutesy funny person who wrote about my kids. I've actually had five Xangans compare some of my writings to Erma Bombeck. Which I find odd, since I consider myself a very poor writer.

    I have this other side that's filled with anger, struggles with depression and has been known to swear on occasion.

    So I tried posting privately, but that didn't do it for me. I wanted some feedback, just not necessarily from the people who are close to my situation. The solution for me, was to open a second blog.

    It has since become public knowledge. People know now that they should stay away from Unglued if they only want the light and fluffy stuff.

    It works for me. For the moment, anyway.

  • I say, Allow whatever you are comfortable with.  I dont see a problem with cussing unless it bothers YOU. So what if it bothers someone else. 

  • I know exactly what you mean.. but that is why I started on xanga..... so I could write about those things that I think and some people may not sit through to listen.. or .. those things that I wish people knew.. and if they are really honest.. and open with me.. and display an interest in that part of me.. I show them the way here.. .. after all.. if they want to read what I think.. they are making an effort to know, understand and interact with me..

  • bad words? i use a lot of them.

    you had me thinking about your question (hey i think too, okey?) and my answer is: how could people who know you as you not know if you are nice or not?

    would you post anything you cannot say right to their face? if the answer is no. well then there is no problem. if the answer is yes, then good, you have found a way to let them understand a new part of yourself. and as moniet says, if they are true friends or family, they'll love you anyway.

    or okay, get mad, but forgive you sometime.

    now it's a good thing my mom does not read my site. oh boy oh boy.

  • Just to establish one thing - I was here before you!  First Tim, then me, then you, then Wormy, then Tahbo.  Now that we have that straight .....

    By choosing to come to Xanga and read the journals of other people that we know in RL - I believe that we all should also be aware of the fact that the reason we post on Xanga is because we are all seeking a safe venue for our own expression.  As you know - I originally came here to escape my real life so if other people choose to seek out and read my postings then it should be with the understanding that they are viewing private parts of myself.  Not all my privates are pretty .... err, I mean - not all the things inside me are attractive ..... umm, still not right - well, you know what I mean.

    When you read my site you read at your own risk.  I will make no guarantees about ANYTHING I choose to post other than to say that each sentence I publish to my site is an honest and accurate reflection of parts that make up 'me'.  You can either choose to accept me and all my parts or you can stay the hell off my site - I don't force anyone to read or not read and I refuse to allow myself to be censored in the things I say.

    You and I have had conversations along this line before so I know you know what I mean.  Sorry that I used up so much space with my comment but you have been pestering me to write more so - here you go! 

    ~c

  • Mmmhmmm yeah yeah, oh yeah I hear ya. SEE this is why I go by Zoodom and not Kari--insert last name HERE. I don't want my parents here...O*M*G. For one they would have a freakin heart attack and I'd feel bad saying FREAK let alone that other F word.

    I had a blogger blog that my real life friends read, that bugged me so bad I moved to Xanga... now? NO ONE KNOWS. LOL So good luck? I'll be good, I promise. But you keep writing because you are my new favorite chickie!

  • This is your world and should be respected as such.No more no less..You have a great day and an interesting problem..

  • It depends - do you want them to see you or a carefully crafted image of you?

  • I came here to be able to write what I felt. To have a place to put those things I couldn't tell my family and friends.

  • Ya gotta be yourself.  Period.

  • I say what I say - if I feel like using "words" I do.. that is usually how you can tell my mood

    and yep.. for me my Journey first starts next full moon.... looking forward to it as for being a fool... been doing that all my life

  • Good point.  I wrote a long post once about how I was upset that my mother never phones me since I moved provinces and that I'm only phoning her.  Then one day I wanted to show her a post I did for her birthday and thought...OH #%#@  I better go find that post and delete it in case she decides to go back and read others.  So, I guess it helps to know who's reading it.  Now that I know she reads it all the time I try not to say some words I know she won't like. 

    Have a great day!  Love your site.

  • You are human, and therefore imperfect.  This is your place, and if they chose to visit, then they need to realize it IS your place.  Good point, one I've often thought of.

  • Cuss up a blue streak if you want. You don't have to try to be nice on my account. I already know you're not a saint. I went to FL with you, remember?

  • I have this same dilemma, as I have family I don't see very often in real life that read my blog more or less daily.  They think they know me right down to my toes and yet I'm sure some of the things I write about is shocking to them - but too bad.  Xanga is my space to let it all out and I need it for its therapeutic value . 

    I can't believe you guys live so close to us!  Small world my grandma was born in Paoli, IN which isn't too far from where you are.  She worked as a telephone operator at that big resort hotel there in French Lick in 1918.

    Oh, and we stayed in a regular $84-a-night room at the Clarion Suites, but I saw those lofts - they are cute, we might book one next time we go .

  • I think that you raised an interesting thing there... I have soooo wanted to start a *secret* blog for me to rant and rave, and be the meany I want to be on occasion. My family has stopped me from doing it, for fear they would discover I'm a naughty girl.

    Actually, I don't really want to be mean. Not even in words, so I've foregone the urge to blog nasty stuff secretly. But... you should be able to express yourself however you want. It's your blog. I would never think you weren't nice anyway, regardless of the words you used. I have a thick skin, though. I can understand your concerns.

    ((((hugs)))

  • Not so nice?  Try absolutely 100% wonderful.  Anyone who thinks any less is not....so....sane.

  • I do understand.  I was reading a top ten list a few days ago, "Top Ten Signs You're Addicted to Xanga," and one of them was something to the effect of.... "You have started another account in addition to your real account so that you can go there to write what you really feel because too many people in your real life read this one."  lol Or something to that effect.  Too true--we came here to write what we feel, and sometimes it starts getting all fuzzy.  Great blog.

  • hmmm... I don't know...

  • I can't write half of what I want, because my husband does read my site. He's heavyhaul and king_throne. 

  • I say write whatever you want, whenever you want...

    And if friends/family don't like it, they have the freedom of choice not to read it...

  • Don't worry: the tone, inflections, expressions, etc.  are in the near future of blogging.

  • i'll try not to *^#!% curse so *@~>+# much . . . .

  • Zoodom took my "listening to you sounds" idea. I think you've stumbled on something here. Blogs about cussing are as popular as blogs about sex.

    My next post may be about cussing during sex. I'll make the featured content list for sure!

  • Well, I keep it pretty private. Yet I don't use to many bad words either. I dunno. No one will ever 'know' me from reading my posts though.

  • I'm not so nice either. The special part of it is that most know it and love me anyway. I'm sure you are loved good bad or otherwise.

  • Well, you do have a sister who is a fugitive... Methinks you are safe...

    Sail on... sail on!!!

  • I think that i will agree with all of the above statements!

  • I agree that it's your place, and if anyone doesn't like what's said here they can back out.  That said - it seems to me your family and friends know and love you with any faults you may have. 

    Do what feels right for you.  Only one person in my RL knows of this place, and she signed up last week.  I trust her with everything, so why not?  But I wouldn't want my husband reading it, because my blogs here are all the things I feel that I can't say to him, you know?

    Great blog. 

  • I think what Tim said is true when you blog about Sex, and Cuss you become very popular unless you are so deep which you are Terry.  I on the other hand don't cuss and rarely have talked about sex my xanga site has turned into more of a website for friends and family to go see pictures of Lauren.. I think that within the next I am going to start another one... That I can in private really express who I really am.  No one on here really knows what I am about. I mean I don't feel the freedom anymore Soon very soon the real me will return but with a mask on for comfort.

  • I prefer to save my bad words for private conversation...

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