November 20, 2001

• truth and consequences

  
  

  I remember a game show from when I was very small, the Announcer introduced each round with a booming bass tone "Truth OR Con-se-quences."  I was way too young to have a clue what con-se-quences meant.  But, I got that it was a BAD thing.  And somehow I had the impression that this was a simple either or formula.  Truth OR Consequences.  But in the reality I inhabit, I've learned that it's more usually truth AND consequences. 

  
  

  Telling the truth doesn't change reality.  Once we've made choices, committed actions, or spoken the words, telling the truth doesn't grant us immunity from the results of our little exercises in freedom.  The pregnancy is still there, the dish is still broken, the sound of our voice cannot be erased from the  air.  You get the picture.

  
  

  On the other hand, its very tempting to try to control our fate by choosing the consequences first.  Dr. Phil McGraw says that we all wear masks, all of us, most of the time.  In the harshest of light, the masks we wear are nothing but lies that we project.  We try to choose the consequences by projecting something other than what we really are.  For example, I'm really not comfortable telling you that I'd rather be boiled in oil than go to that NBA game, but I don't want to hurt your feelings.  I think to myself, it won't hurt to pretend that I'll enjoy it.  In the end you'll think that we have more in common and you'll like me better.  I've tried to manipulate the consequence (you'll like me) by manipulating the data (pretense of liking NBA games).

  
  

  We all make these choices.  And we all rationalize them to ourselves.  It's easy to convince ourselves that we're being polite, friendly, nice, _______ (fill in the blank with whatever works when you try to convince yourself to project a falsehood about yourself.)

  
  

  This is not a blog about the evil of telling lies.  I don't have to convince you of that.  This is a blog about the evil of forgetting that we all do it.  There isn't anyone out there who is 100% exactly what they seem at all times.  Even me.  

  
  

  Sometimes its accidental.  I write about my thoughts and feelings here on Xanga, and no matter how much of myself I reveal in these lines, there will always be more to the story.  Sometimes the part I DON'T say could change your opinion significantly if you knew it.  I'm not saying that I deliberately lie about who I am and what I think, I'm saying that I'm the hero of my own story, and my perspective is always going to paint me in that starry light.

  
  

  When I find out that someone else has deliberately painted a false picture I can choose to feel indignant, hurt, self-righteous.  That's easy.  Or I can remember that its only a matter of degree.  None of us are completely for real.  And if I forget that, I project another harmful falsehood - that I believe its possible for us to somehow live in perfect truth.  Now that's hard.  That calls for me to confront some of my own deeply cherished illusions about myself.  I'd like to believe that I live and speak the truth.  I hate when I have to face my own unreality.  But the only way to really accept you for who you are, is to remember that sometimes even YOU don't know who you are.  Because I'm just like you.  Or you're just like me if you prefer.  Sometimes I don't know who I am. 

  
  

  How about we jump to the game show that followed Truth Or Consequences on my local station.  Let's Make a Deal.  I'll accept you for who you are, even the parts of you that I don't know, and I'll listen to your thoughts and I'll hear what you say if you'll do the same for me.  Maybe after a lifetime as friends, we'll know each other.

  • 2:57 pm
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