October 9, 2001

  • Real Labels


    Just saw a quote I really like - "Reality is jsut an illusion, albeit a persistent one."  Albert Einstein. 


    I'm reading Phil McGraw's book 'Life Strategies.'  I'm not a huge Oprah fan so I haven't been exposed to his brand of phsychologizing before.  But my bestest friends - Barb and Mary - have both suggested that I can benefit from what he has to say.


    His first advice in this book is 'get real.'  Apparently, I need to learn this lesson, because when I read it I get a headache, my stomach hurts, and I want to cry.


    I don't know if I've ever known who the "real" me is.  I've always known myself in relationship to other people, but if left by myself on a desert island, I'm not sure who'd I'd be or what I'd do.  I know there are some things I'm good at and other things that I'm not so good at.  But, I'm not even sure what I WANT to do.


    Even sitting here typing this, I can hear the voices of my friends in my head saying to me "You are  . . . . or You like . . . " and I take comfort that maybe they know me well enough to have something real to say about me.  But then again, I don't know if anyone knows me that well.  If I don't know myself, then the only thing they can know is my "game face."  And one thing I do well is play the game.


    I'm still losing weight, and somehow, becoming a different shape is getting mixed up in my head with becoming a different person.  According to the scale at my doctor's office I weigh more than I do on my scale at home, but the total pounds lost is in agreement between both scales so I'm content that even if I don't know exactly what I weigh, I know how much less that number is than it used to be.


    Maybe that's all there is.  Maybe there isn't any core that never changes and is ME.  Maybe the reality is that I AM in relation to the people in my life and it's a mistake to think that "I" could ever be a static concept.


    One of the things that Barb has said really got my attention.  I've always voiced a dislike for labels.  I don't like to be labeled and I try to avoid labeling other people.  But what she observed about me is that I try to figure out what each person in my life wants m to be, and then I'll do whatever it takes to fit in that box.


    All I know is that if I'm in a box, I hope it's not corrugated cardboard.

Comments (5)

  • I know YOU

  • Terri....this blog has touched me so deeply...you struck many deep seeded cords inside of me. I can not even respond to it now...but I did want to say thank you...I have been feeling a bit lost as of late..I really think what I need to do now is take a long, hard look at myself. Thank you for reminding me just how important that is...Blessings Rox

  • Wow is all I can say... I totally have no clue who I really am!!!  Who people think they know isn't really me.....  I am always conforming to what others what and not who the real SHELLY is... Wouldn't it be great to be able to just be me???

    By the way I am very proud of your wieght lost!!  You are totally motivating me...  It is hard when you loose wieght because as the pounds come off the real person inside comes out and it is hard to find a happy mediumn. TERRI

  • i think that knowing ourselves is the hardest thing to do....perhaps it's because we're afraid of what we'll find...perhaps it's just because we're too busy trying to please everyone else that we don't have time to think of ourselves....but from everything i can see here, you are a wonderful person with a wonderful heart...and i'm sure your box is not cardboard

  • you are as REAL as real gets NOW, aren'tcha???

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