February 18, 2005

• Under-socialized ...

  
  

  Yesterday SimonTemplar asked "I think homeschooling can rob kids of adequate socialization with peers. Is that a valid concern?"   My short answer is "no" but the question is a serious one and I want to give it a little more attention than that. 

  
  

  Do we actually MEAN socialization?  Or do we mean socializing.  Because they are two different things.  Socialization is the process of learning how to fit into and interact with other members of society.  So the question I like to ask back is which is the better representation of "real" life?  A classroom with 24 other kids with your same experience and your same age?  Or day to day interactions with people of all different ages, interests, attitudes and ideas. 

  
  

  Homeschooled kids are very rarely isolated from interactions.  My kids went (and go) with me to shop, pay bills and attend business meetings.  They are involved in church, in our family, and with our friends.  They have learned to politely address people of all different ages and backgrounds.  (Not that they always choose to be polite, but you see what I'm saying?)  The thing that my kids' teachers say about them is that they are "independent" thinkers.  Because they didn't start off with a group they never developed the group mentality that we adults so bemoan in our kids.  Tucker may be a little overly independent, he takes a little too much pride in doing what he wants whether it's the popular thing or not... 

  
  

  Now I also think it's important for kids to get time with other kids to goof off and just hang out.  It's important for kids to be able to have friends, to learn how to develop and maintain friendships and how to relate to other kids.  But in my opinion, it's a mistake to assume that sending kids off to school is enough to ensure that they will be adequately socialized.  Just take a look at the average high school kid.  Plucked out of the classroom and put into a situation where the social rules and manners are not determined by the most popular kids in school and how well do they do?  Ask any employer who hires teens which she'd rather have and I can almost guarantee you that if she's had experience with both homeschooled and institutionally schooled kids, the homeschooled kids get the vote. 

  
  

  A caveat:  My kids are not the best example of the advantages of homeschooling because they have "issues".   Michael with his autism and Tucker with his ADHD are not average kids.  They are cool kids and I love 'em to death but don't look at them to see what the average homeschooler looks like.  On the other hand, I know that as long as they were home with me, they were learning manners, they were learning to speak and interact with people, and they were confident that they had a place in this world. 

  
  

  Since they've been in school, both have had setbacks in their socialization.  They don't understand why it is that kids are allowed so much free rein and why the adults seem so helpless.  Tucker has especially backslidden because he figured out real quick that he can get away with a lot just because he has the chutzpah to try it.  Both of them have had real blows to their confidence and self-esteem as they have had to learn to navigate a system that punishes individualism and forces an artificial conformity of intellect and opinion. 

  
  

  It's not anyone's fault.  It's just the way it is.  You can't run an institution, ANY institution in a way that nurtures individualism.  It's not efficient or effective.  And for the middle 60% of the bell curve it's not a problem  But the people at either end (and it's actually even more complicated than that) simply don't fit.  They are not in a position for optimal learning and they don't learn well.  We all know, it's a developmental fact that kids mature at different rates.  The first ones out of the gate get going while those who amble a bit slower become more and more discouraged.  It's not uncommon to have a kid in second or third grade who is maturing at exactly his or her best pace convinced that he or she is a stupid failure because of the kids who seem to be "getting it" with so much more ease.  And to be honest, although there are advantages to "mainstreaming" there are also disadvantages with that comparison element.  The faster kids are held back and the slower kids are discouraged.  But now I'm into academics and the question was about socialization. 

  
  

  So to come back to that, which makes better sense to you?  Tossing a couple dozen uncivilized little heathen together and expecting them to somehow grow up into well socialized citizens?  Or integrating them as individuals into a society comprised for the most part of already socialized people who will support them and provide the example of what mature behavior looks like? 

  
  

  Now, because my kids got out of school early today, we're off to visit a museum I found that I know Tucker's gonna love.  He just finished a report on being an artist because right now that's his dream for when he's all grown up. 

  
  

  Have a GREAT Friday. 

  
  

  Hugs
  Terri

  • 3:38 pm
  • 11 Comments